As I face the end of this year in Honduras, I feel challenged to reflect on my experiences, my growth, and the things that I have learned. Based on my visits to the States during this year, I already know and believe that it is very easy to slip back into my former identity - my former routines and often misguided values. However, I want to be shaped and molded by all that I've seen and done and prayed and cried and loved. The following list of reflection is neither comprehensive nor complete. I make no promises about remembering and living by all of my newfound knowledge and understanding. It is only grace, not a difficult year in a third-world country, that can make me a new creation. My dad once taught me that in order to say an experience was life-changing, you have to live it out for some time to move past the emotional high and see how life is different in the aftermath. All that being said, during my year in Honduras, I learned the following tid-bits in the following areas:
Family:
I am blessed with a family that loves me more than words can express. I have never felt their care, concern, and sacrificial love more than this year. I know that my parents would absolutely give or do anything for me. They love me selflessly.
Teaching:
Teaching requires patience. My emotional response to the actions of my students cannot force respect or obedience. Sometimes you must listen more than you speak. Sometimes you should listen before you accuse. Sometimes there are things more important than walking in straight, quiet lines. Students and relationships with them can change and fluctuate drastically in the course of ten months.
Work:
In this life, Christ-followers do not just choose a job to serve themselves. My work is not about me. I do not do it because it is easy, convenient, comfortable, or beneficial to me. Therefore, I must choose to live a life of commitment and faithfulness that does not quit when things get difficult.
Children:
Children need consistency. They need consistency in expectations, routine, discipline, and love. They need to know that those who love them, in whom they trust, will not leave them. They are also often capable of giving incredible forgiveness and unconditional (undeserved) love.
Missions/Ministry:
One of the best ways to impact the people around you is to invest in them long-term and to simply live life alongside them. Here in Honduras, the people often best-equipped to spread the Gospel are the native Hondurans. With them, there are no language or cultural barriers. Our students are most open to and most impacted by those who can offer them the dedication and consistency that they need. Perhaps, in areas where a local church has already been established and if possible, it is most beneficial to partner with, encourage, and serve that church so that they are equipped to meet the needs all around them.
Missionaries:
Just because someone is a "missionary" does not mean they are holy. In fact, in the case of some, it also doesn't not guarantee that they are nice. I am the same person with the same struggles at "home" and "on the field."
Strength:
I can do more than I realize. Whether good or bad, each day passes at the same speed, and a new day is a fresh start.
Materialism:
It is possible to live without a cell phone, without a car, and without air conditioning. A luxurious life is not necessarily a better life.
Potlucks:
Whether Baptist, or Southern, or not, community often revolves around food, and potlucks happen all over the world.
Worship:
It is possible to worship and to learn in a language you do not fully understand.
Soccer (and life in general):
"Miss, when you kick someone, you just say, 'Sorry,' and keep playing..."
To any and all of you who have followed this journey along the way and offered your support and prayers, thank you.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The last days...
Sunday was also exciting considering that we've spent much of this year trapped behind walls and gates on the mountain. Saturday night, Twana, Hannah, and I spent the night with Lesly in the city because she lives close to the airport. Sunday morning (Twana's birthday!!!), we had a wonderful breakfast of waffles before taking Twana to the airport to go home. (She got to leave a week early for a wedding...) Then Hannah and I went to church at Impacto one last time this year where we met up with some other friends and joined in their Sunday plans.
After church, we drove out to Santa Lucia, which is a cute and very authentic (yet safe) Honduran town. We had pupusas for lunch at a local restaurant, walked around (basically up a mountain), and then played Catchphrase by a pond in the center of the town. After that we drove back to Tegucigalpa, met up with more people, and went to play mini-golf. That was really fun until it got dark and the power went out. We couldn't see anymore, so we left to go find a place to eat dinner. The power goes out a lot here, so we really didn't think anything of it until we drove around and discovered that it was out all over the city. We ended up at McDonald's (running on generators) where we then discovered that the entire country had lost power.
THE ENTIRE COUNTRY!
Of course there was grand speculation about political or military turmoil again and the possible return of the ex-president, but that seems to have been rumors. Though some were saying we would be without power for days, it actually came on again that night before we went to bed. We were blessed to be hanging out with some guys with cars who teamed up to follow each other up the mountain to drive us home and protect us if necessary. :)
We are still working this week even though the students finished last Friday. Unfortunately, even though I've done report cards, end-of-year paperwork, and cleaned out my room, I did not have enough to do to fill five teacher workdays.
So now I'm just hanging out in my classroom blogging, listening to sermons, preparing for Monday's job interview, and waiting on the weekend... I packed most of my things at my apartment last night, and while I'm just a little concerned about the amount and weight of my stuff, I'm starting to really feel like things are wrapping up...
Of course, I already have plans for every day next week while I'm at home... I'm so blessed to have great community in all of the places I call home! :)
After church, we drove out to Santa Lucia, which is a cute and very authentic (yet safe) Honduran town. We had pupusas for lunch at a local restaurant, walked around (basically up a mountain), and then played Catchphrase by a pond in the center of the town. After that we drove back to Tegucigalpa, met up with more people, and went to play mini-golf. That was really fun until it got dark and the power went out. We couldn't see anymore, so we left to go find a place to eat dinner. The power goes out a lot here, so we really didn't think anything of it until we drove around and discovered that it was out all over the city. We ended up at McDonald's (running on generators) where we then discovered that the entire country had lost power.
THE ENTIRE COUNTRY!
Of course there was grand speculation about political or military turmoil again and the possible return of the ex-president, but that seems to have been rumors. Though some were saying we would be without power for days, it actually came on again that night before we went to bed. We were blessed to be hanging out with some guys with cars who teamed up to follow each other up the mountain to drive us home and protect us if necessary. :)
We are still working this week even though the students finished last Friday. Unfortunately, even though I've done report cards, end-of-year paperwork, and cleaned out my room, I did not have enough to do to fill five teacher workdays.
So now I'm just hanging out in my classroom blogging, listening to sermons, preparing for Monday's job interview, and waiting on the weekend... I packed most of my things at my apartment last night, and while I'm just a little concerned about the amount and weight of my stuff, I'm starting to really feel like things are wrapping up...
Of course, I already have plans for every day next week while I'm at home... I'm so blessed to have great community in all of the places I call home! :)
One last hoorah...
Friday afternoon at 3:00, Twana, Hannah, Tara, Christa, and I rode a school bus down the mountain, got in Lesly's 4-Runner, picked up Emily from her house, and set out one one last Honduran adventure for this crazy school year... We drove for about 4 or 5 hours, with seven people in the car, to Lago Yajoa, which is the largest (and possibly the only?) substantial lake in the country. We stayed at a hotel (cabin style)/restaurant/marina and enjoyed quality time in close quarters with all seven of us sleeping on bunk beds in one room.
The next morning, we had breakfast at the hotel before setting out to go hiking at a local park. We took two different trails to creeks and waterfalls. (Sidenote: Honduras is NOT flat. Therefore hiking trails are NOT FLAT. I am not athletic enough for my friends... haha) Then we went back to the hotel to change, get our things, and check out before going to a place called Pulhapanzak.
Well, the Hondurans call it Pulhapanzak. I call it The Waterfall of Death.
We had heard that you could go swimming at the falls and you could even go on a guided tour behind them. In my mind, associating waterfalls with Noccalula Falls in Alabama, I thought we would possibly be following a neatly carved trail, hugging some sort of rock wall, and hanging out in a large cave behind the water. I was wrong.
For the grand price of $4, we took our lives into our own hands, and placed them in each other's hands as we clung to each other to climb over rocks and swim in various areas as water and mist rained down all around us and overwhelmed our senses. Have you ever considered how loud and windy it is in close proximity to a water fall? Let me tell you. It is.
As we got close to the falls, the guide told us that from that point on, we would need to keep our heads down and breath through our mouths because, with such a high concentration of water in the "air", we probably wouldn't be able to breathe through our noses. However, he forgot to tell us that even with your head down, you probably still wouldn't be able to see or keep your eyes open. That's right. A lot of that adventure was traveled with my eyes closed. I was definitely the wimp of the group, and I struggled the most. However, my friends were incredibly supportive and patient with me.
Twana once bungee-jumped over the Nile River in Uganda, and she said that parts of our waterfall experience were way scarier than that. But of course, this is Honduras... Did we have to sign a waiver? Nope. Did they even ask if we could swim??? NO. hahaha...
Lesly has a waterproof digital camera, so we have lots of documentation from our crazy, once-in-a-lifetime-for-me experience! I think the pictures make it look easier and safer than it actually was. After all, the scariest parts where we were being pounded by the falling water weren't really prime photo-ops... But here's a glimpse of what we did!
Goodbyes
I said my first round of goodbyes to my students over the course of both Thursday and Friday... On Wednesday, they had been up to their normal antics, making me feel a little crazy and leaving me wanting to detach. However, after some prayer, the Lord helped me to face Thursday with a special motivation to just spend time with them. Their desks were arranged in a U-shape, and they sat there doing "assignments" (aka, busy work) while I just walked all around and talked to them. I played with all of my girls hair and tried to be strong as they pleaded, "Miss, don't go..." My morning with them was very memorable and a great way for me to prepare to let go.
The rest of our day was busy with cleaning out the desks, taking up textbooks, throwing away bags and bags of old papers and workbooks, loads of recess time, and our end-of-the-year party. We basically finished everything on Thursday because some of the students were not returning on Friday. That was the first day of World Cup games, so of course, attendance was lower than normal. hahaha...
For our party, some of the kids and some of the moms collaborated to bring lots of snack food, pizza, drinks, cake, and ice cream. This culture definitely likes to party, so classroom events tend to be a bit extravagant. Luckily, it's not as bad in the older grades, so my weak party-planning skills weren't much of an issue.
I gave out certificates and Candy Bar Awards to all my students, and they colored velvet door hangers that I bought at Hobby Lobby in Houston. They really enjoyed knowing that I had thought of them so much while I was in the States. Then I gave them Fun Dip from my mom, and they were super excited... The first time my mom came, we heard, "Fun Dip? Miss, what is Fun Dip?" and had to explain how to eat it. This time around it was, "Yay!!! Fun Dip!!!"
Thursday afternoon was my first time to really feel as though I might cry. Manuel, one of the best boys in my class with a laid-back and kind spirit, gave me a gift and said, "This is for you. Thanks for teaching me this year," with a big grin on his face. That was the moment when I first fully realized how hard it would be to leave.
Friday was a half-day of school. In fact, some of our elementary teachers made it a dress-up day and wore crazy headbands with bows, butterflies, and flowers on the sides in honor of our fashion-forward students... I didn't really plan anything for my class to do. After all, I sent home all their paper and pencils the day before. We just hung out in the classroom for awhile and they all signed each other's shirts. Then Joseph hooked up an antenna to a tv in his classroom and half of the grade watched the soccer game while the other half hung out in my room talking or playing Apples to Apples. Then we ended the day with a very extended recess.
My girls were especially sentimental all day. They made it very clear that they did not want me to leave, and I was so blessed to be showered in hugs clinging to me all morning. When the time came to walk to the cars and buses, most of my boys seemed disinterested in an emotional goodbye, and I felt the same way towards many of them. However, my girls would not let me go. They cried, and so did I. A few of them seemed to be a little dramatic and just caught up in the girly moment of flowing tears. However, as I hugged sweet Argentina and felt her trembling against me, I cried because I knew I was hurting her by leaving.
I had never thought of it that way before. I was hurting them.
I also struggled to say goodbye to Pablo. He definitely wormed his way into my heart and will probably be unforgettable for the rest of my life. Just the fact that he gave me a hug before he walked to the buses let me know that I meant a lot to him as well. Of course, then in typical class-clown fashion, he broke the tension and made us laugh by quickly turning around and saying, "I want to cry, but I can't. I'm too macho."
So I walked home that day feeling emotionally exhausted, but I'm doing a little better now. I'm already hoping that I can come back a year from now for their sixth grade graduation and to spend some time with them and my friends, either here or traveling.
Many people have asked me if I am so excited and ready for Sunday. In a way, I am but because I was just home, I am not just longing for places or food or anything like that from home. Instead, it's bittersweet. This year and these children have had a tremendous impact on my life, and it's hard to say goodbye.
This picture is blurry, but one of the girls tagged it on Facebook, and it's the only one I have...
The rest of our day was busy with cleaning out the desks, taking up textbooks, throwing away bags and bags of old papers and workbooks, loads of recess time, and our end-of-the-year party. We basically finished everything on Thursday because some of the students were not returning on Friday. That was the first day of World Cup games, so of course, attendance was lower than normal. hahaha...
For our party, some of the kids and some of the moms collaborated to bring lots of snack food, pizza, drinks, cake, and ice cream. This culture definitely likes to party, so classroom events tend to be a bit extravagant. Luckily, it's not as bad in the older grades, so my weak party-planning skills weren't much of an issue.
I gave out certificates and Candy Bar Awards to all my students, and they colored velvet door hangers that I bought at Hobby Lobby in Houston. They really enjoyed knowing that I had thought of them so much while I was in the States. Then I gave them Fun Dip from my mom, and they were super excited... The first time my mom came, we heard, "Fun Dip? Miss, what is Fun Dip?" and had to explain how to eat it. This time around it was, "Yay!!! Fun Dip!!!"
Thursday afternoon was my first time to really feel as though I might cry. Manuel, one of the best boys in my class with a laid-back and kind spirit, gave me a gift and said, "This is for you. Thanks for teaching me this year," with a big grin on his face. That was the moment when I first fully realized how hard it would be to leave.
Friday was a half-day of school. In fact, some of our elementary teachers made it a dress-up day and wore crazy headbands with bows, butterflies, and flowers on the sides in honor of our fashion-forward students... I didn't really plan anything for my class to do. After all, I sent home all their paper and pencils the day before. We just hung out in the classroom for awhile and they all signed each other's shirts. Then Joseph hooked up an antenna to a tv in his classroom and half of the grade watched the soccer game while the other half hung out in my room talking or playing Apples to Apples. Then we ended the day with a very extended recess.
My girls were especially sentimental all day. They made it very clear that they did not want me to leave, and I was so blessed to be showered in hugs clinging to me all morning. When the time came to walk to the cars and buses, most of my boys seemed disinterested in an emotional goodbye, and I felt the same way towards many of them. However, my girls would not let me go. They cried, and so did I. A few of them seemed to be a little dramatic and just caught up in the girly moment of flowing tears. However, as I hugged sweet Argentina and felt her trembling against me, I cried because I knew I was hurting her by leaving.
I had never thought of it that way before. I was hurting them.
I also struggled to say goodbye to Pablo. He definitely wormed his way into my heart and will probably be unforgettable for the rest of my life. Just the fact that he gave me a hug before he walked to the buses let me know that I meant a lot to him as well. Of course, then in typical class-clown fashion, he broke the tension and made us laugh by quickly turning around and saying, "I want to cry, but I can't. I'm too macho."
So I walked home that day feeling emotionally exhausted, but I'm doing a little better now. I'm already hoping that I can come back a year from now for their sixth grade graduation and to spend some time with them and my friends, either here or traveling.
Many people have asked me if I am so excited and ready for Sunday. In a way, I am but because I was just home, I am not just longing for places or food or anything like that from home. Instead, it's bittersweet. This year and these children have had a tremendous impact on my life, and it's hard to say goodbye.
This picture is blurry, but one of the girls tagged it on Facebook, and it's the only one I have...
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sweetness...
After emotional goodbyes on Friday and a weekend full of incredible fellowship and adventure, there is much to share but very little time or energy tonight with which to share it... So here's the promise that I will write an obnoxiously long post sometime in the next few days, primarily after I talk to my mom and actually tell her about these things before she has to read them on the Internet. It's more personal that way...
For now, I will leave you with copies of one email that I received from a parent and a Facebook message that I received from a student. (Good luck reading that one. I've had a year of practice, so I understood most of it. However, I think the main point is very clear!) These messages are a huge part of the reason I did this, and they make it hard to leave, but I am trusting that the Lord has another group of children that He wants me to love and to serve. :)
Dear Miss Benton,
I want to thank you very much for all your kindness and for being really supportive with Juan Carlos. He really got to appreciate all you did for him and also learned to love you as his favorite and best teacher in all his years at Pinares.
He's been crying all afternoon and he says that he's really going to miss you.
Would it be possible to see you at the airport the day you leave? Juan Carlos wants to say good bye one more time. If you don't feel comfortable with that I will understand. Maybe it would then be ok if he keeps contact with you through email?
Once again, thanks a lot for everything. You made a difference in our lives and blessed our son through your teaching.
May God bless you always.
You are so special i WILL miss you allot. I cant stop crying.I realy wish you didnt have to go you are a very special teacher. I cant belivi i didnt saw how much i was going to miss you. You are special you own way and thats very cool. I know you are realy going to miss your BFF. But can you come see us all. I know that that trips are very expensive. But you can cemo 3 or 4 times a year. Can you come to my Graduation of 6 grade. You see how happy I was with miss Zwier i will be happier when you com!! Every girl in th class cry you have people that love you and care. Camila and me were the 2 that cry the most th hug that you gave came till my heart and that make me think alot ive been thinking alot like 2 hours that i love you so much that i realy but so realy i dont want too let you go.
For now, I will leave you with copies of one email that I received from a parent and a Facebook message that I received from a student. (Good luck reading that one. I've had a year of practice, so I understood most of it. However, I think the main point is very clear!) These messages are a huge part of the reason I did this, and they make it hard to leave, but I am trusting that the Lord has another group of children that He wants me to love and to serve. :)
Dear Miss Benton,
I want to thank you very much for all your kindness and for being really supportive with Juan Carlos. He really got to appreciate all you did for him and also learned to love you as his favorite and best teacher in all his years at Pinares.
He's been crying all afternoon and he says that he's really going to miss you.
Would it be possible to see you at the airport the day you leave? Juan Carlos wants to say good bye one more time. If you don't feel comfortable with that I will understand. Maybe it would then be ok if he keeps contact with you through email?
Once again, thanks a lot for everything. You made a difference in our lives and blessed our son through your teaching.
May God bless you always.
You are so special i WILL miss you allot. I cant stop crying.I realy wish you didnt have to go you are a very special teacher. I cant belivi i didnt saw how much i was going to miss you. You are special you own way and thats very cool. I know you are realy going to miss your BFF. But can you come see us all. I know that that trips are very expensive. But you can cemo 3 or 4 times a year. Can you come to my Graduation of 6 grade. You see how happy I was with miss Zwier i will be happier when you com!! Every girl in th class cry you have people that love you and care. Camila and me were the 2 that cry the most th hug that you gave came till my heart and that make me think alot ive been thinking alot like 2 hours that i love you so much that i realy but so realy i dont want too let you go.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I actually might cry.
I have four hours left with these students, and some of them aren't coming tomorrow at all... Today, one of my best boys gave me a gift to say goodbye and said, "Miss, thanks for being my teacher this year." I was so touched by that sweet moment, and I realized I might actually cry tomorrow when I say goodbye to everyone, especially to some of the best girls a teacher could ever have in a class.
We'll see how it goes.
Then the weekend adventure begins at 3:00 tomorrow afternoon. Lake Yojoa/waterfall, here we come!
We'll see how it goes.
Then the weekend adventure begins at 3:00 tomorrow afternoon. Lake Yojoa/waterfall, here we come!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
No Me Gusta "America's Got Talent"
Because I know that God is in control, I know it's not surprising or ironic, but I came home after Bible study last night and found both an email and a voicemail from a principal interested in interviewing me... In fact, I knew this man 10-15 years ago when he taught at Locust Fork, so I still say it's all in who you know.
And now I have an interview on Monday, May 21st at 2:00.
I'm thankful that I have two weeks to prepare and to form my list of questions as well.
The school is in an area of Birmingham that I'm unfamiliar with, and it is part of the Jefferson County School System. After working in Shelby County and simply assuming I would return there, this opportunity has caught me off guard a bit.
However, I remember when I received a voicemail asking me to come interview for the job at Vincent during the summer of 2007. Megan and I were laying out at the pool at our apartment, and she basically had to convince me that I should call them back. I had never heard of the school and had very little interest in moving my life so far out in that direction. Yet, I know God wanted me there all along. Perhaps this could work in the same way... I guess time will tell.
It feels nice to be wanted, and I like the idea of being in the Birmingham area for friends and my church while actually heading back a little closer to my family.
After today, I feel as though my fifth grade experience has been made complete. Why? Because after all these months, we finally broke out the paint. The strong and distinct odor of tempera paint filled my classroom this afternoon as my students took turns painting cereal boxes (and apparently their clothes) for a reading project. They are actually turning these boxes into a creative form of a book report, and I'm excited to see how they turn out. If nothing else, I think they enjoyed doing a little work for once - or maybe they just didn't realize it was work.
I guess due in part to the tropical storm and the massive amounts of rain that have fallen in Honduras lately, the flying insect population seems to have multiplied exponentially. We are swatting flies while we teach, and many of us are walking around with bug bites dotting our arms and legs. I am tempted to start applying a coat of bug spray as a part of my daily routine: deoderant, brush teeth, bug spray... I also know of teachers who have begun to carry anti-itch cream with them at all times. Welcome to Honduras. :)
Tomorrow is Kirsten's (my teammate in 5th grade) last day of teaching... I am so proud of her for hanging in there through what I would call one of the worst first years of teaching imaginable. Her class has shown a lot of defiance, disrespect, and rudeness all year, and I am very impressed by her strength and courage as she has not given up.
I have two and a half teaching days left...
Ready or not, here they come!
This weekend is going to be extremely full as a group of us travel to a lake a few hours away to stay in a hotel and explore and even visit some waterfall. I am very excited to have one last adventure with Twana before she leaves the country on Sunday. Perhaps I'll come back with one last set of crazy pictures to document this journey.
The infamous Pablo is having another (and supposedly the final) surgery on his ear next week. Then he says he'll spend his summer sitting around because of the recovery. I imagine that could mean lots of facebook messages from him to "the Miss", but I told him it sounded to me like the perfect opportunity for some intense math tutoring! :)
As of right now, and it should not change, all of my students are passing. I'm very surprised by this, especially in the case of one kid in particular. It's hard to know that he wasn't ready for 4th or 5th grades, and that there is no way he's ready for 6th grade, but with the help of his parents on all homework, and with some school survival skills and test-taking strategies, he has once again squeaked by. I just think it's unfortunate when parents are blinded by pride to think that their son must continue on with his class when he could really benefit from a year of maturity and review...
A year under the Honduran sun have brought out more freckles than I ever thought possible. Perhaps, after this year, it is time to become a dainty southern belle who constantly seeks shade.
Time to read Proverbs (our latest endeavor in the Bible reading plan) and hopefully go to sleep. I think I've been sleepy for a couple of weeks now. I'm not sure that I'll ever catch up. :)
And now I have an interview on Monday, May 21st at 2:00.
I'm thankful that I have two weeks to prepare and to form my list of questions as well.
The school is in an area of Birmingham that I'm unfamiliar with, and it is part of the Jefferson County School System. After working in Shelby County and simply assuming I would return there, this opportunity has caught me off guard a bit.
However, I remember when I received a voicemail asking me to come interview for the job at Vincent during the summer of 2007. Megan and I were laying out at the pool at our apartment, and she basically had to convince me that I should call them back. I had never heard of the school and had very little interest in moving my life so far out in that direction. Yet, I know God wanted me there all along. Perhaps this could work in the same way... I guess time will tell.
It feels nice to be wanted, and I like the idea of being in the Birmingham area for friends and my church while actually heading back a little closer to my family.
After today, I feel as though my fifth grade experience has been made complete. Why? Because after all these months, we finally broke out the paint. The strong and distinct odor of tempera paint filled my classroom this afternoon as my students took turns painting cereal boxes (and apparently their clothes) for a reading project. They are actually turning these boxes into a creative form of a book report, and I'm excited to see how they turn out. If nothing else, I think they enjoyed doing a little work for once - or maybe they just didn't realize it was work.
I guess due in part to the tropical storm and the massive amounts of rain that have fallen in Honduras lately, the flying insect population seems to have multiplied exponentially. We are swatting flies while we teach, and many of us are walking around with bug bites dotting our arms and legs. I am tempted to start applying a coat of bug spray as a part of my daily routine: deoderant, brush teeth, bug spray... I also know of teachers who have begun to carry anti-itch cream with them at all times. Welcome to Honduras. :)
Tomorrow is Kirsten's (my teammate in 5th grade) last day of teaching... I am so proud of her for hanging in there through what I would call one of the worst first years of teaching imaginable. Her class has shown a lot of defiance, disrespect, and rudeness all year, and I am very impressed by her strength and courage as she has not given up.
I have two and a half teaching days left...
Ready or not, here they come!
This weekend is going to be extremely full as a group of us travel to a lake a few hours away to stay in a hotel and explore and even visit some waterfall. I am very excited to have one last adventure with Twana before she leaves the country on Sunday. Perhaps I'll come back with one last set of crazy pictures to document this journey.
The infamous Pablo is having another (and supposedly the final) surgery on his ear next week. Then he says he'll spend his summer sitting around because of the recovery. I imagine that could mean lots of facebook messages from him to "the Miss", but I told him it sounded to me like the perfect opportunity for some intense math tutoring! :)
As of right now, and it should not change, all of my students are passing. I'm very surprised by this, especially in the case of one kid in particular. It's hard to know that he wasn't ready for 4th or 5th grades, and that there is no way he's ready for 6th grade, but with the help of his parents on all homework, and with some school survival skills and test-taking strategies, he has once again squeaked by. I just think it's unfortunate when parents are blinded by pride to think that their son must continue on with his class when he could really benefit from a year of maturity and review...
A year under the Honduran sun have brought out more freckles than I ever thought possible. Perhaps, after this year, it is time to become a dainty southern belle who constantly seeks shade.
Time to read Proverbs (our latest endeavor in the Bible reading plan) and hopefully go to sleep. I think I've been sleepy for a couple of weeks now. I'm not sure that I'll ever catch up. :)
Monday, June 7, 2010
Pressure and Panic
Today was okay... Actually, I would have called it good until the very end of the day when three of my most challenging students really pushed my buttons. I miss students who listen and follow directions. I miss students who are courteous, respectful, and kind. Sometimes I am tempted to think that students like that don't really exist and that all teaching is like this, but I know it's not true! It's just easy to see your immediate circumstances as universal.
I'm starting to panic about a job for next year. I keep hearing of other teachers here who are interviewing on Skype and uploading videos of their teaching onto YouTube and getting jobs already.
It's just ironic because for quite a few months of this year, I wanted to escape from teaching. Now, it's all I want to do. God has helped me to see the tremendous opportunity held by a teacher to invest in a community. In the elementary school setting, you are able to not only invest in students, but also to invest in their siblings and parents over the years as you watch their families grow and change. This year, I have learned a lot about patience, love, and faith. I hope that I am given a chance to show and prove my growth...
So now that I am really dreaming of spending my summer setting up a classroom and preparing for the next step, I'm afraid that such a classroom doesn't even exist in my future.
It's hard because so much of it is who you know, and when you've left the country, you don't really know anyone anymore - even the people you thought you knew before...
And I know that I should be strong and courageous to know that my God is with me, He called me here, and He will lead me in the future as well. I should trust Him enough to know that He didn't just call me here for a year of hardship with the intent to cut me off from my career in the end. I guess faith is just easier said than done...
I'm starting to panic about a job for next year. I keep hearing of other teachers here who are interviewing on Skype and uploading videos of their teaching onto YouTube and getting jobs already.
It's just ironic because for quite a few months of this year, I wanted to escape from teaching. Now, it's all I want to do. God has helped me to see the tremendous opportunity held by a teacher to invest in a community. In the elementary school setting, you are able to not only invest in students, but also to invest in their siblings and parents over the years as you watch their families grow and change. This year, I have learned a lot about patience, love, and faith. I hope that I am given a chance to show and prove my growth...
So now that I am really dreaming of spending my summer setting up a classroom and preparing for the next step, I'm afraid that such a classroom doesn't even exist in my future.
It's hard because so much of it is who you know, and when you've left the country, you don't really know anyone anymore - even the people you thought you knew before...
And I know that I should be strong and courageous to know that my God is with me, He called me here, and He will lead me in the future as well. I should trust Him enough to know that He didn't just call me here for a year of hardship with the intent to cut me off from my career in the end. I guess faith is just easier said than done...
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Sleep is for the weak.
I am pretty sure that I have spent about 30 cumulative minutes awake in my apartment since I flew in on Thursday... That may be a bit of an under-exaggeration, but I definitely have not been sitting around playing online or even grading the stack of papers that calls my name. I guess that we're starting to feel the urgency of the clock that is ticking toward the end of our time here, and so we have hit the ground running with errands and playing and soaking up community.
My head has hurt all day, probably due to the stress that I feel about the work to be done and the lack of time to do it. Last week in Houston was phenominal, but it was extra-hard to jump back into the routine, having lost a few days, in an attempt to catch up on end-of-the-year tasks like awards, grades, inventories, etc. Of course, in the midst of all that, I still have lesson plans waiting to be executed - and my mind feels completely checked out. I have no idea what the next week holds or how I will handle it instructionally, but read or not, here it comes...
Of course, I could have and probably should have spent a few hours in my classroom this afternoon to review the lesson plans that I wrote about three weeks ago and to try to conquer this grading... Instead, I went with a group of girls to see Prince of Persia. Yep. A group of girls. And we saw one of the most violent movies that I've watched in a long time... These Pinares teachers are anything but typical. :)
And now, to tackle my to-do list of unpacking, cleaning, and grading. Who needs sleep anyway???
My head has hurt all day, probably due to the stress that I feel about the work to be done and the lack of time to do it. Last week in Houston was phenominal, but it was extra-hard to jump back into the routine, having lost a few days, in an attempt to catch up on end-of-the-year tasks like awards, grades, inventories, etc. Of course, in the midst of all that, I still have lesson plans waiting to be executed - and my mind feels completely checked out. I have no idea what the next week holds or how I will handle it instructionally, but read or not, here it comes...
Of course, I could have and probably should have spent a few hours in my classroom this afternoon to review the lesson plans that I wrote about three weeks ago and to try to conquer this grading... Instead, I went with a group of girls to see Prince of Persia. Yep. A group of girls. And we saw one of the most violent movies that I've watched in a long time... These Pinares teachers are anything but typical. :)
And now, to tackle my to-do list of unpacking, cleaning, and grading. Who needs sleep anyway???
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Here we go...
Welcome back to Honduras where your home and your things all have a familiar smell that bears a close resemblance to the musty smell of a thrift store...
Can I just say I had so much more PEACE coming back here today than when Jera dropped me off at the airport Sunday morning for my first attempt at returning?!?! Sunday brought back the reluctance and almost dread that has become so familiar when entering an airport. Today, I was ready.
I can do this.
In fact, I was reminded today as I read through my prayer journal from the last 7 months, that I know that I can do this because I can look back and see that I have done this... I definitely have not done it on my own, and my prayers have included many desperate cries for help - but my God is faithful and He brings us through trials even when we're not sure we can make it...
Mom - if you read this, I tried calling twice... Now I am going to see Twana, to eat dinner at her house, and to care group. I'll try to call before bed, but it may be tomorrow before we can talk...
Can I just say I had so much more PEACE coming back here today than when Jera dropped me off at the airport Sunday morning for my first attempt at returning?!?! Sunday brought back the reluctance and almost dread that has become so familiar when entering an airport. Today, I was ready.
I can do this.
In fact, I was reminded today as I read through my prayer journal from the last 7 months, that I know that I can do this because I can look back and see that I have done this... I definitely have not done it on my own, and my prayers have included many desperate cries for help - but my God is faithful and He brings us through trials even when we're not sure we can make it...
Mom - if you read this, I tried calling twice... Now I am going to see Twana, to eat dinner at her house, and to care group. I'll try to call before bed, but it may be tomorrow before we can talk...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I'm in love.
I'm in love with a precious one-year-old little girl named Rachel. :)
And I love that she loves me!
I love that I've only seen her once before, when she was about 2 or 3 months old and all she did was coo and stare at the ceiling fan and spit up, and yet I walked into the door of her house on Saturday night and she jumped around and squealed with excited delight... I love that she is silly with me and brings me her favorite toys and smiles when I enter the room. I love that she loves for me to play with her and to hold her and to read to her... I love that she gets excited and turns to me to tell me all about it in sentences that sound like, "Gob gob GOB gob!!!"
Sunday wasn't my favorite day ever, but I liked the way it turned out, so I would say it was worth it. I couldn't believe my reluctance to go back to Honduras when Jera dropped me off at the airport Sunday morning. I was returning for only three weeks, and yet I still didn't want to go. Because of the weather forecasts that I had heard about Tropical Storm Agatha, I honestly hoped I wouldn't have to go back yet, and I didn't believe it would happen until they made me get on the plane. However, just because you get on a plane and fly to a country doesn't mean you're really going there...
Agatha hit Honduras on Sunday, and apparently it rained in the Tegucigalpa area all day. My plane ended up flying into San Pedro Sula and we sat in the plane on the runway for about two hours while Continental decided what to do. Then I was given the option to get off the plane and try to find a bus to Tegus, although we were also being told that roads were out and buses were not running, or I could stay on the plane and fly back to Houston... I felt like my choice was obvious, especially considering my parents' opinions about my life in that crazy country.
So now I've been playing stateside while school has been cancelled. Apparently school will resume tomorrow, but I'll be missing at least two more days.
Ehh... Whatever. It's a hard-knock life.
If only answers didn't lead to more questions...
And I love that she loves me!
I love that I've only seen her once before, when she was about 2 or 3 months old and all she did was coo and stare at the ceiling fan and spit up, and yet I walked into the door of her house on Saturday night and she jumped around and squealed with excited delight... I love that she is silly with me and brings me her favorite toys and smiles when I enter the room. I love that she loves for me to play with her and to hold her and to read to her... I love that she gets excited and turns to me to tell me all about it in sentences that sound like, "Gob gob GOB gob!!!"
Sunday wasn't my favorite day ever, but I liked the way it turned out, so I would say it was worth it. I couldn't believe my reluctance to go back to Honduras when Jera dropped me off at the airport Sunday morning. I was returning for only three weeks, and yet I still didn't want to go. Because of the weather forecasts that I had heard about Tropical Storm Agatha, I honestly hoped I wouldn't have to go back yet, and I didn't believe it would happen until they made me get on the plane. However, just because you get on a plane and fly to a country doesn't mean you're really going there...
Agatha hit Honduras on Sunday, and apparently it rained in the Tegucigalpa area all day. My plane ended up flying into San Pedro Sula and we sat in the plane on the runway for about two hours while Continental decided what to do. Then I was given the option to get off the plane and try to find a bus to Tegus, although we were also being told that roads were out and buses were not running, or I could stay on the plane and fly back to Houston... I felt like my choice was obvious, especially considering my parents' opinions about my life in that crazy country.
So now I've been playing stateside while school has been cancelled. Apparently school will resume tomorrow, but I'll be missing at least two more days.
Ehh... Whatever. It's a hard-knock life.
If only answers didn't lead to more questions...
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Choices and Celebrations - And Choosing to Celebrate
This visit home has been sweet to the soul... I am a very blessed girl with a wonderful, loving family and a home area that I very much enjoy. Of course, the stark contrasts between Honduras and the United States can be a bit overwhelming, and I am praying for God's grace to help me live simply without judging or condemning others in their surplus. (My desire for $100 of Old Navy tank tops further complicates things...) It's a hard balance to try to fight materialism and the temptation to be frivolous in a culture consumed by it. It very easily slips in without being noticed, like in spending almost ten dollars on food at the airport in Houston, only to throw most of it away because of the large portion size, or the almost natural tendency to get wrapped up in the rivalry of a college baseball game, when the outcome is really of no importance.
Yet there has got to be a way to live here that reflects something of higher value and continues to carefully evaluate needs vs. wants without becoming proud, judgmental, or offensive. I need grace to make that transition when the time comes and to live it well, not forgetting all I've seen, cared about, and prayed over.
I like who I am in Honduras better than who I am at home. I wonder if I can be that same girl here too...
I enjoy it here. I like my comforts. Yet, I don't want to allow those comforts to determine the course of my life. I don't want to return here just because it's easier. This year has been hard, and it's only now that I am so near to the finish that I see that it was not impossible and it did not overcome me. That, in turn, leads to the idea that it is an endeavor that could possibly be done again, which is a thought to which I have given little to no consideration because I was so focused on survival.
I definitely don't think it's wrong to teach and serve and love and invest in Honduras. At the same time, I don't think it's wrong to do those things here. I only think I will be wrong if I do not allow the experiences of this year to refine me and to impact my values and the woman I am becoming, no matter where I live or work.
These are hard decisions to make, because they could potentially shape my future and they definitely impact others. I wish I had a blinking, neon sign with arrows saying go here... Even if I return "home," I have little to no promises on what that means. However, if I knew the details, it wouldn't require my faith.
I'm just thankful to know that the Lord loves me no matter where I am, and He allows me to love others in all of these places that I call "home."
As for today, I will not attempt in vain to add more time to my life by worrying. Instead, I will trust the Lord to show me what to do, to be with me everywhere I go, and to provide all I need.
It's graduation day here in the Fork, and there are pictures to take, hugs to give, and baby sisters to celebrate... Photos to come! :)
Yet there has got to be a way to live here that reflects something of higher value and continues to carefully evaluate needs vs. wants without becoming proud, judgmental, or offensive. I need grace to make that transition when the time comes and to live it well, not forgetting all I've seen, cared about, and prayed over.
I like who I am in Honduras better than who I am at home. I wonder if I can be that same girl here too...
I enjoy it here. I like my comforts. Yet, I don't want to allow those comforts to determine the course of my life. I don't want to return here just because it's easier. This year has been hard, and it's only now that I am so near to the finish that I see that it was not impossible and it did not overcome me. That, in turn, leads to the idea that it is an endeavor that could possibly be done again, which is a thought to which I have given little to no consideration because I was so focused on survival.
I definitely don't think it's wrong to teach and serve and love and invest in Honduras. At the same time, I don't think it's wrong to do those things here. I only think I will be wrong if I do not allow the experiences of this year to refine me and to impact my values and the woman I am becoming, no matter where I live or work.
These are hard decisions to make, because they could potentially shape my future and they definitely impact others. I wish I had a blinking, neon sign with arrows saying go here... Even if I return "home," I have little to no promises on what that means. However, if I knew the details, it wouldn't require my faith.
I'm just thankful to know that the Lord loves me no matter where I am, and He allows me to love others in all of these places that I call "home."
As for today, I will not attempt in vain to add more time to my life by worrying. Instead, I will trust the Lord to show me what to do, to be with me everywhere I go, and to provide all I need.
It's graduation day here in the Fork, and there are pictures to take, hugs to give, and baby sisters to celebrate... Photos to come! :)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Dazed and Confused
"For God is not a God of confusion but of peace..." 1 Corinthians 14:33a
So how's that for taking Scripture out of context? It's not even an entire verse. The passage is about orderly worship, but this week, I need it to be about decision-making.
I have never felt more lost in my life.
But.
"And he (Abraham) believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness." Genesis 15:6
I want to believe like that, and this week, I need my belief to be enough...
So how's that for taking Scripture out of context? It's not even an entire verse. The passage is about orderly worship, but this week, I need it to be about decision-making.
I have never felt more lost in my life.
But.
"And he (Abraham) believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness." Genesis 15:6
I want to believe like that, and this week, I need my belief to be enough...
Saturday, May 22, 2010
So.Much.Fun.
Today was the best day I've had in Honduras in a very long time... If it was like this more often, I would be thrilled to stay for another year - to live in the city with Cara, Stacy, and Twana, to get more involved with my church, and to have an actual life here.
John, Hannah, Sarah, and I met up with some friends from church this morning and went to a country club. We played in the pool (because a day at the pool with boys is very different from a day spent laying out with the girls), ate lunch, and played ping pong, pool, and air hockey. Then we went to the mall and walked around for a little bit. Finally, we came back up the mountain to Twana and Hannah's house to eat pancakes and play Pictionary.
It felt like a real day with real lives. (That's what we call it when we get to go out, in cars that aren't taxis, with people who do not work for our school.)
Me gusta mucho...
John, Hannah, Sarah, and I met up with some friends from church this morning and went to a country club. We played in the pool (because a day at the pool with boys is very different from a day spent laying out with the girls), ate lunch, and played ping pong, pool, and air hockey. Then we went to the mall and walked around for a little bit. Finally, we came back up the mountain to Twana and Hannah's house to eat pancakes and play Pictionary.
It felt like a real day with real lives. (That's what we call it when we get to go out, in cars that aren't taxis, with people who do not work for our school.)
Me gusta mucho...
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Just some thoughts...
Mom and I just got off the phone after discussing and wondering about the balance between free will and God's sovereignty. How about that for some light-hearted bedtime conversation?
For instance, if God knows what I will choose, does He know it because He chose it? Does He have an influence on our choices in such a way that the influence changes or determines our choices? Then, are they really choices at all?
Ugh. I could go cross-eyed.
I know that He knows what I will do.
And I know I will know when I am supposed to know it, as long as I keep seeking Him and do not follow my own path due to spontaneous emotion or rebellion...
Sometimes I just wish I knew now - for my own sake and for the sake of all others involved.
In other news:
- I hope to post pictures from this week's field trip this weekend. It was my favorite day of the year.
- For the most part, I am feeling extremely on top of things. I'm excited to be caught up on work stuff (unless I forgot something)!
- Javier gave me a hug yesterday, and I'm not sure he really even processed what he was doing until he was already doing it...
- I found out that the plastic Auburn cup that I gave to my students around Christmas is still a prized possession in the Chirinos household, and Ana refuses to let anyone else use it. Her sister says it's her favorite cup, and she uses it all the time. :)
- Today, while Pablo was in trouble, he said, "Miss, you may be upset with me right now, but you will still remember me as one of your favorite students." He's probably right, but I told him, "Pablo, you can be my favorite without being bad."
For instance, if God knows what I will choose, does He know it because He chose it? Does He have an influence on our choices in such a way that the influence changes or determines our choices? Then, are they really choices at all?
Ugh. I could go cross-eyed.
I know that He knows what I will do.
And I know I will know when I am supposed to know it, as long as I keep seeking Him and do not follow my own path due to spontaneous emotion or rebellion...
Sometimes I just wish I knew now - for my own sake and for the sake of all others involved.
In other news:
- I hope to post pictures from this week's field trip this weekend. It was my favorite day of the year.
- For the most part, I am feeling extremely on top of things. I'm excited to be caught up on work stuff (unless I forgot something)!
- Javier gave me a hug yesterday, and I'm not sure he really even processed what he was doing until he was already doing it...
- I found out that the plastic Auburn cup that I gave to my students around Christmas is still a prized possession in the Chirinos household, and Ana refuses to let anyone else use it. Her sister says it's her favorite cup, and she uses it all the time. :)
- Today, while Pablo was in trouble, he said, "Miss, you may be upset with me right now, but you will still remember me as one of your favorite students." He's probably right, but I told him, "Pablo, you can be my favorite without being bad."
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What really matters?
The blog world has been quiet lately... As we transition from spring into what most of us consider to be early summer, based on the school calendar, life is almost too full to be processed and analyzed. Most of my teacher-friends are a matter of days away from the freedom that we find and adore in summer break, and yet, there is much to do to close out another year of life.
Sidenote: I think it's funny how there is one main calendar, but many of us live by a different one. Supposedly, a year runs from January to December. Yet for those in the school world, a year runs from August to May or June. Then, of course, there are others controlled by the fiscal year calendar. Interesting...
Anyway. I am in the midst of some big decision making that feels like it could have a great impact on the rest of my life and on the lives of many others. I've decided that's when a decision feels daunting - when it affects others' lives as well. Now I see what Katherine meant when she talked about being a wife and a mother and the intimidation in making decisions that literally decided the course of people's lives.
I'm struggling a bit with deciding what I want to do. There are moments when it all seems obvious, and there are others when I could practically panic if I allowed myself to dwell on it too long.
While journaling my prayers tonight, though, I realized that the specific details of where I am, what I'm doing, where I'm living, etc. aren't really the most important things. I just want to make sure as my life continues, no matter where it goes or who it goes with, that I grow in my love for and understanding of my Heavenly Father. No matter where I am, I hope that He is honored, that others see Him, and that my faith does not become routine, nominal, or forgotten.
The woman in Proverbs 31 laughs at the days to come. I want to have faith like that. The burden is not on my shoulders. I do not have to have all the answers. God will create the task, and then He will ensure that it is accomplished.
"Here I am. Send me."
Now I guess we just wait to see where He sends me.
Sidenote: I think it's funny how there is one main calendar, but many of us live by a different one. Supposedly, a year runs from January to December. Yet for those in the school world, a year runs from August to May or June. Then, of course, there are others controlled by the fiscal year calendar. Interesting...
Anyway. I am in the midst of some big decision making that feels like it could have a great impact on the rest of my life and on the lives of many others. I've decided that's when a decision feels daunting - when it affects others' lives as well. Now I see what Katherine meant when she talked about being a wife and a mother and the intimidation in making decisions that literally decided the course of people's lives.
I'm struggling a bit with deciding what I want to do. There are moments when it all seems obvious, and there are others when I could practically panic if I allowed myself to dwell on it too long.
While journaling my prayers tonight, though, I realized that the specific details of where I am, what I'm doing, where I'm living, etc. aren't really the most important things. I just want to make sure as my life continues, no matter where it goes or who it goes with, that I grow in my love for and understanding of my Heavenly Father. No matter where I am, I hope that He is honored, that others see Him, and that my faith does not become routine, nominal, or forgotten.
The woman in Proverbs 31 laughs at the days to come. I want to have faith like that. The burden is not on my shoulders. I do not have to have all the answers. God will create the task, and then He will ensure that it is accomplished.
"Here I am. Send me."
Now I guess we just wait to see where He sends me.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
A new job???
Okay friends, family, and prayer partners... I need you. A very interesting job opportunity (basically job offer) has presented itself in the whirlwind of this weekend, and I would very much appreciate if you would join with me to pray that the Lord's will be done and that He would make His plan perfectly clear... It all seems a little too good to be true in a way that I am certain will ultimately be challenging and yet hopefully rewarding. I really don't want to share any details at all until I know more, but God knows and I would really love to know that you are praying for me specifically (although vaguely) about this.
Love y'all!!!
Love y'all!!!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I Found My People...
Five weeks from tomorrow, I will be boarding a plane bound for Atlanta and saying goodbye to Honduras and lots of great people... I truly believe this is right, and I am excited about it and yet not rushing for that day to come. At the same time, in the last week, I have really seen how well I fit in this community and I feel that it has added extra confirmation that God placed me here. Last weekend, I lounged by the pool with lots of readers and appreciated that I am part of a community that reads. We also worshiped together, and I saw such value in our unity of beliefs.
Tonight, I sat around a dinner table and was part of the majority on an issue for one of the very first times in my entire life.
We never believed in Santa Clause.
Our parents didn't do the Santa thing with us, and a few of us went to school and ruined it for others at very young ages. :)
I'm not the only one!!!
Tonight, I sat around a dinner table and was part of the majority on an issue for one of the very first times in my entire life.
We never believed in Santa Clause.
Our parents didn't do the Santa thing with us, and a few of us went to school and ruined it for others at very young ages. :)
I'm not the only one!!!
Friday, May 14, 2010
The Year of Jubilee!
I have had an absolutely wonderful day... It started beautifully this morning with worship in devotions. The same girls who led at the women's retreat joined with a few other teachers and blessed us all with some great songs like "Arise," "One Pure and Holy Passion," "Your Name," and they finished with "Days of Elijah."
Of course, I think I'm a little extra-emotional today for some reason, but I found myself wiping away tears as we sang,
"Behold He comes!
Riding on the clouds!
Shining like the sun!
At the trumpet call!
Lift your voice!
It's the year of Jubilee!
Out of Zion's hill, salvation comes!"
I have seriously been listening to and singing that song all day... You can ask my students! I have been enthralled with the idea of the year of Jubilee, so I looked it up to see if there was anything else that I didn't already know about it... I liked this description from Wikipedia:
"In the Biblical book of Leviticus, a Jubilee year is mentioned to occur every fifty years, in which slaves and prisoners would be freed, debts would be forgiven and the mercies of God would be particularly manifest."
It was wonderful to start my day with such joy.
Then the rest of the day flowed smoothly and peacefully. It was almost enough to make me suspicious. My good friend Pablo was absent, so that may have had something to do with it. The kids were just calmer than normal.
Tonight, some of the girls and I are going to get together, order pizza, and watch The O.C.
Welcome to a great start to my weekend. :)
Of course, I think I'm a little extra-emotional today for some reason, but I found myself wiping away tears as we sang,
"Behold He comes!
Riding on the clouds!
Shining like the sun!
At the trumpet call!
Lift your voice!
It's the year of Jubilee!
Out of Zion's hill, salvation comes!"
I have seriously been listening to and singing that song all day... You can ask my students! I have been enthralled with the idea of the year of Jubilee, so I looked it up to see if there was anything else that I didn't already know about it... I liked this description from Wikipedia:
"In the Biblical book of Leviticus, a Jubilee year is mentioned to occur every fifty years, in which slaves and prisoners would be freed, debts would be forgiven and the mercies of God would be particularly manifest."
It was wonderful to start my day with such joy.
Then the rest of the day flowed smoothly and peacefully. It was almost enough to make me suspicious. My good friend Pablo was absent, so that may have had something to do with it. The kids were just calmer than normal.
Tonight, some of the girls and I are going to get together, order pizza, and watch The O.C.
Welcome to a great start to my weekend. :)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I Wish I Was Vanna White
Okay... I really don't. I just consulted Google and read a couple of paragraphs about her, and I definitely don't want her personal life. In fact, based on the fact that she has also worked as an actress, I'm guessing changing the letters on Wheel of Fortune isn't exactly the fulfillment of all her dreams. On the other hand, according to one source, she makes $3 million a year to walk back and forth for thirty minutes at a time to change letters with a clap and a smile. Really? I'm pretty biased to think that teaching in an elementary school classroom is an extremely difficult job, and I know that there are other jobs that are laboriously exhausting. And she gets to pace back and forth.
At least we get summer break...
And in fact, I have completed all of my lesson plans for the rest of the year! I was working today on plans for next week when I realized I needed to go ahead and prepare for the following week and ultimately the week after that as well. After that, there was only one more to follow - so I just dove right in and handled all of it! Woohoo!
I'm still rejoicing because of the love that the Lord has given me for these students... Pablo has actually been driving me nuts lately, but I just can't help but love the rest of them. I enjoy talking to them. I will miss them when it's all said and done. Yesterday, Argentina asked, "So, are you ever gonna' come back?" I said, "Hopefully I'll come to visit... I'll just stay at your house!" She grinned, shook her head in a yes motion, hugged me, and walked to her aunt's car.
I'm sleepy. I always want a nap on Wednesdays, so I tend to struggle with the fact that it's our longest workday.
And last, but not least, I think I'm feeling a little bit better... I actually got hungry last night for the first time in about a week. Of course, after eating, my stomach hurt again for a little while and it hurt again this morning, but it's definitely better than last week. Here's hoping that God continues to heal! :)
At least we get summer break...
And in fact, I have completed all of my lesson plans for the rest of the year! I was working today on plans for next week when I realized I needed to go ahead and prepare for the following week and ultimately the week after that as well. After that, there was only one more to follow - so I just dove right in and handled all of it! Woohoo!
I'm still rejoicing because of the love that the Lord has given me for these students... Pablo has actually been driving me nuts lately, but I just can't help but love the rest of them. I enjoy talking to them. I will miss them when it's all said and done. Yesterday, Argentina asked, "So, are you ever gonna' come back?" I said, "Hopefully I'll come to visit... I'll just stay at your house!" She grinned, shook her head in a yes motion, hugged me, and walked to her aunt's car.
I'm sleepy. I always want a nap on Wednesdays, so I tend to struggle with the fact that it's our longest workday.
And last, but not least, I think I'm feeling a little bit better... I actually got hungry last night for the first time in about a week. Of course, after eating, my stomach hurt again for a little while and it hurt again this morning, but it's definitely better than last week. Here's hoping that God continues to heal! :)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Prayer Request
I'm not quite sure how many people have lasted through these crazy nine months and still actually read this, but I am sure that God answers prayer. It's always worth asking...
So if you don't mind, please pray that God will restore my appetite (to a healthy level... Don't pray so hard that you make me fat!) so that I can eat more appropriate amounts of food. In the last three days, I have not gotten hungry even one time. Yesterday, I ate a waffle and a little bit of watermelon for breakfast. Then I had half a breadstick from Pizza Hut for lunch. That was it! And I was so not hungry when I tried to eat that breadstick that I thought it would make me sick. Today, I had two pieces of bread, one tiny piece of pizza, and a tangerine.
Of course, this is starting to take its toll and make me feel very weak and tired. At times, I struggle to stand up... Yesterday, this meant I ended up sitting on a sidewalk in a gross area of town just because I couldn't keep going, and this morning, I was like an old lady sitting down during the music at church. As you can imagine, this is neither fun, nor comfortable, and it could make for an interesting week of teaching if it continues.
I hope that I can return soon with a praise report of answered prayer!
So if you don't mind, please pray that God will restore my appetite (to a healthy level... Don't pray so hard that you make me fat!) so that I can eat more appropriate amounts of food. In the last three days, I have not gotten hungry even one time. Yesterday, I ate a waffle and a little bit of watermelon for breakfast. Then I had half a breadstick from Pizza Hut for lunch. That was it! And I was so not hungry when I tried to eat that breadstick that I thought it would make me sick. Today, I had two pieces of bread, one tiny piece of pizza, and a tangerine.
Of course, this is starting to take its toll and make me feel very weak and tired. At times, I struggle to stand up... Yesterday, this meant I ended up sitting on a sidewalk in a gross area of town just because I couldn't keep going, and this morning, I was like an old lady sitting down during the music at church. As you can imagine, this is neither fun, nor comfortable, and it could make for an interesting week of teaching if it continues.
I hope that I can return soon with a praise report of answered prayer!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
The Long and The Short of It
Out of respect for your time and out of appreciation for your interest in returning to this site occasionally, I will model an entry that I saw written by another missionary on his blog. He called it "the long and the short of it", and he gave a quick update at the top followed by a longer, more detailed reflection at the bottom. Feel free to only read the short one if you'd like!
The Short:
I'm really feeling a lot better, but I'm still not great. I am no longer in pain, even when I eat. I'm just really tired and often feel nauseous with a loss of appetite. I heard on Friday that something like this has kind of been going around the school and that all the nannies have had it, so I'm starting to feel more confident that it's been a virus rather than a parasite, but I took worm medicine today just in case. Yep. Welcome to Honduras where we sometimes find it necessary to take worm medicine. I feel like a dog.
We had a half-day of school yesterday that included a cute Mother's Day program and a party in our classroom for the moms. It was great to be proud of my kids' performances and then to appreciate the ways they like to organize and run their own class parties. A bunch of the teachers spent the afternoon at the pool at a hotel in the city for our women's retreat. We then had dinner and a time of praise and worship (and this is probably what has led to the need for a long reflection tonight). This morning after breakfast, we spent more time by the pool, but the Honduran sun was trying to get the best of me, so I had to go inside a little early. After a long, hot, exhausting day in Centro, I was so relieved to make it home and to take a LONG and much-needed nap.
Happy Mother's Day tomorrow! I intend to celebrate by going to church (maybe... depending on the energy level) and catching up on the grading that I've fallen behind on. Sounds fun!
The Long
Thursday flew by so quickly, and I struggled to keep up with everything going on around me. We had a practice for the Mother's Day program that really ate up our schedule, and it was progress report day, so I found myself desperately trying to grade a few last-minute assignments to make sure the averages were pretty accurate. I was relieved when Thursday was over so I could look forward to an easy Friday.
We had a half-day on Friday. My kids arrived and were almost instantly thrown into their weekly spelling and reading tests so that we could take a bathroom break and make it down to the gym early to prepare for the program. The timing was perfect because we got our work done, had the program, and then returned to the classroom for the Mother's Day party, after which the kids got to go home as soon as their moms were ready to leave. I had a group of boys that brought most of the food and made sure it got set up and distributed. Then we cleaned up and I took my remaining four students to play on the computers in the library as they waited to ride the bus home. It was a nice recovery after a busy Thursday. However I have a lot of work waiting for me to do tomorrow (probably) because I left it there and went on the women's retreat. :)
This is an annual event here at Pinares... It could almost be considered a teacher's retreat since the vast majority of us here are single women, but the women's retreat is a time for the girls to go down into Tegus, stay at a nice hotel (The Clarion), spend time laying out at the pool, getting massages or pedicures, and to enjoy the company of our sweet community in a different, more relaxing environment.
Our weather since Semana Santa has been quite cloudy and often rainy, but this week was gorgeous. Yet, we began to feel a little disappointed as dark clouds rolled in while we waited on the bus to pick us up and take us to the hotel. In fact, we loaded the bus in the rain, thinking we were bound for an afternoon of naps and playing cards. However, due to the fact that the mountain weather of the school is often different from the valley weather of the city, and also because the weather can change completely in about half an hour here, we still got the warm, sunny afternoon that we all craved. We checked into our rooms and almost all of us quickly changed and migrated out to the pool area. The intermittant clouds were nice because the need for sunscreen wasn't as dire as usual, and many of us read or just chatted or enjoyed the teacher-performed synchronized swimming performance. If this whole teaching thing doesn't work out, apparently I have some friends who should be training for the olympics. :)
After we ended up in the shadow of the hotel, Erika and I went inside and scheduled pedicures in the beauty salon. That was a fun experience because she had never had one before. I know things like that are hard for her because she can't see what they're doing to prepare herself, but in the end, she said she enjoyed it. We made it out just in time to throw on different outfits and head for the buffet dinner out by the pool. Twana is with her parents this weekend, so I sat with some other girls that I like but don't often spend time with. Because we were borderline-late, I felt a little rushed and unsettled at first, and then I really didn't love the food options. They were a little too fancy for a simple, picky eater who has been sick and stopped eating for a week. After I settled down a little, I enjoyed the company and conversation very much and enjoyed the praise and worship afterward even more...
One of the teachers from last year is in town visiting, and because she is extremely talented with a guitar, they asked her to join us and help lead some songs. It took me back to youth group days, just standing in a circle of people in a room singing praise songs. I enjoyed seeing the hearts of our teachers, who can often be so caught up in our complaints about life here, just focused on worship. I actually took some time to just look around... It helped me to realize that we don't do that together enough, and actually, Honduras has almost stripped me of my freedom in worship. Our Friday morning devotions are always very focused on musical style preferences, and with the 6:55am worship time along with our habits to stand in our rows facing the front and resisting the urge to dance at all (school policy), there is often a lack of freedom or community. Then, when I go to Impacto and I am surrounded by people I don't know and trying to understand a language that I don't really speak, I am also very guarded. Particularly as I watched some others in that room and as I observed Heather (the guitar player), I felt jealous.
Of course, then I realized that it was also a heart issue. My faith here is such a constant part of my life. It is often almost scheduled as part of the Pinares routine. Between teacher-devotions, student-chapel assemblies, care group meetings, church services, and even my read-the-Bible-chronologically-in-a-year schedule, things are a bit expected and routine. There has been a lack of spontaneous devotion and adoration and response. My seeking has become methodical. I think it's a hard line to walk. At least I've been seeking, because He promises to be found, but I miss doing it out of deep hunger and love. I'm praying for rejuvenation and freedom.
Last night also felt like the beginning of the end as we talked about those of us who are leaving and how we only have the next six weeks together. For various reasons, I am not here wishing these last days away. Instead, I'm just living them out, and I'm so blessed that God has given me this perspective. Yes, in six weeks, I will be able to sleep in my own bed that has a mattress that was made by angels in heaven, and I will drive my car, and I will be able to eat the foods that I've been missing. I will also be reunited with my family and friends. However, in six weeks, I will no longer be a part of this community, where I trust everyone and I trust their sincerity of faith and share in the core beliefs of their hearts. This is a good place... God has created an incredible ministry here.
As I watched some girls who were reunited with their former roommate, and as I saw their laughter and understanding of each other, and as I witnessed them worshipping alongside each other, I couldn't help but feel like I've missed out a little. God knew what was best, and I trust that alone time to escape and decompress at the end of my days has been what I've needed, but I found myself questioning what this experience could be like if you felt like you were doing it with best (or at least really close) friends. I love Twana, but she lives in a house off-campus, so I don't see her all that often. I just haven't experienced a home environment like the one I caught a glimpse of last night, and I was a little jealous. But who knows? That might have changed my path in more ways than I realize, and it obviously wasn't sovereignly planned to run that way.
Anyway, after that, we returned to our room for some laughter that lasted well-past our bedtimes, and we all proceeded to show that we're becoming like our parents and we're not fully able to enjoy rest and sleep outside of our own beds. This morning we enjoyed an abundant breakfast buffet followed by more pool time under the scorching Central American sun. I loved looking around and seeing ten lovely Christian women laying out and reading. This is such a community of readers. I really do fit in well here. We all have a lot in common even though we're from completely different backgrounds, locations, and lives.
This afternoon, Sarah and I spent some time in El Centro (the old downtown that is named for the Central Park) because we thought we were supposed to serve at the feeding center. Unfortunately, that got cancelled, but we did proceed to witness a crime scene, get hit on, purchase a new wallet and pair of shoes for CHEAP (I am REALLY going to miss that when I'm home!), watch rowdy parades of soccer fans complete with firecrackers in the streets, feel hot and exhausted, sit on the sidewalk while waiting for friends and joke about holding our hands out to ask for money, get a little scared by a homeless man, get cautioned in English to "be careful" by two Honduran women, struggle to find a bus that would take us home, and remember that we truly do live in Honduras. When we FINALLY made it home, I just collapsed into the rest, safety, and security of my bed.
Thanks for making it through the long version of my days and my heart's ponderings... I hope this weekend has been blessed and refreshing for everyone. :)
I can't believe it's just six more Saturdays...
The Short:
I'm really feeling a lot better, but I'm still not great. I am no longer in pain, even when I eat. I'm just really tired and often feel nauseous with a loss of appetite. I heard on Friday that something like this has kind of been going around the school and that all the nannies have had it, so I'm starting to feel more confident that it's been a virus rather than a parasite, but I took worm medicine today just in case. Yep. Welcome to Honduras where we sometimes find it necessary to take worm medicine. I feel like a dog.
We had a half-day of school yesterday that included a cute Mother's Day program and a party in our classroom for the moms. It was great to be proud of my kids' performances and then to appreciate the ways they like to organize and run their own class parties. A bunch of the teachers spent the afternoon at the pool at a hotel in the city for our women's retreat. We then had dinner and a time of praise and worship (and this is probably what has led to the need for a long reflection tonight). This morning after breakfast, we spent more time by the pool, but the Honduran sun was trying to get the best of me, so I had to go inside a little early. After a long, hot, exhausting day in Centro, I was so relieved to make it home and to take a LONG and much-needed nap.
Happy Mother's Day tomorrow! I intend to celebrate by going to church (maybe... depending on the energy level) and catching up on the grading that I've fallen behind on. Sounds fun!
The Long
Thursday flew by so quickly, and I struggled to keep up with everything going on around me. We had a practice for the Mother's Day program that really ate up our schedule, and it was progress report day, so I found myself desperately trying to grade a few last-minute assignments to make sure the averages were pretty accurate. I was relieved when Thursday was over so I could look forward to an easy Friday.
We had a half-day on Friday. My kids arrived and were almost instantly thrown into their weekly spelling and reading tests so that we could take a bathroom break and make it down to the gym early to prepare for the program. The timing was perfect because we got our work done, had the program, and then returned to the classroom for the Mother's Day party, after which the kids got to go home as soon as their moms were ready to leave. I had a group of boys that brought most of the food and made sure it got set up and distributed. Then we cleaned up and I took my remaining four students to play on the computers in the library as they waited to ride the bus home. It was a nice recovery after a busy Thursday. However I have a lot of work waiting for me to do tomorrow (probably) because I left it there and went on the women's retreat. :)
This is an annual event here at Pinares... It could almost be considered a teacher's retreat since the vast majority of us here are single women, but the women's retreat is a time for the girls to go down into Tegus, stay at a nice hotel (The Clarion), spend time laying out at the pool, getting massages or pedicures, and to enjoy the company of our sweet community in a different, more relaxing environment.
Our weather since Semana Santa has been quite cloudy and often rainy, but this week was gorgeous. Yet, we began to feel a little disappointed as dark clouds rolled in while we waited on the bus to pick us up and take us to the hotel. In fact, we loaded the bus in the rain, thinking we were bound for an afternoon of naps and playing cards. However, due to the fact that the mountain weather of the school is often different from the valley weather of the city, and also because the weather can change completely in about half an hour here, we still got the warm, sunny afternoon that we all craved. We checked into our rooms and almost all of us quickly changed and migrated out to the pool area. The intermittant clouds were nice because the need for sunscreen wasn't as dire as usual, and many of us read or just chatted or enjoyed the teacher-performed synchronized swimming performance. If this whole teaching thing doesn't work out, apparently I have some friends who should be training for the olympics. :)
After we ended up in the shadow of the hotel, Erika and I went inside and scheduled pedicures in the beauty salon. That was a fun experience because she had never had one before. I know things like that are hard for her because she can't see what they're doing to prepare herself, but in the end, she said she enjoyed it. We made it out just in time to throw on different outfits and head for the buffet dinner out by the pool. Twana is with her parents this weekend, so I sat with some other girls that I like but don't often spend time with. Because we were borderline-late, I felt a little rushed and unsettled at first, and then I really didn't love the food options. They were a little too fancy for a simple, picky eater who has been sick and stopped eating for a week. After I settled down a little, I enjoyed the company and conversation very much and enjoyed the praise and worship afterward even more...
One of the teachers from last year is in town visiting, and because she is extremely talented with a guitar, they asked her to join us and help lead some songs. It took me back to youth group days, just standing in a circle of people in a room singing praise songs. I enjoyed seeing the hearts of our teachers, who can often be so caught up in our complaints about life here, just focused on worship. I actually took some time to just look around... It helped me to realize that we don't do that together enough, and actually, Honduras has almost stripped me of my freedom in worship. Our Friday morning devotions are always very focused on musical style preferences, and with the 6:55am worship time along with our habits to stand in our rows facing the front and resisting the urge to dance at all (school policy), there is often a lack of freedom or community. Then, when I go to Impacto and I am surrounded by people I don't know and trying to understand a language that I don't really speak, I am also very guarded. Particularly as I watched some others in that room and as I observed Heather (the guitar player), I felt jealous.
Of course, then I realized that it was also a heart issue. My faith here is such a constant part of my life. It is often almost scheduled as part of the Pinares routine. Between teacher-devotions, student-chapel assemblies, care group meetings, church services, and even my read-the-Bible-chronologically-in-a-year schedule, things are a bit expected and routine. There has been a lack of spontaneous devotion and adoration and response. My seeking has become methodical. I think it's a hard line to walk. At least I've been seeking, because He promises to be found, but I miss doing it out of deep hunger and love. I'm praying for rejuvenation and freedom.
Last night also felt like the beginning of the end as we talked about those of us who are leaving and how we only have the next six weeks together. For various reasons, I am not here wishing these last days away. Instead, I'm just living them out, and I'm so blessed that God has given me this perspective. Yes, in six weeks, I will be able to sleep in my own bed that has a mattress that was made by angels in heaven, and I will drive my car, and I will be able to eat the foods that I've been missing. I will also be reunited with my family and friends. However, in six weeks, I will no longer be a part of this community, where I trust everyone and I trust their sincerity of faith and share in the core beliefs of their hearts. This is a good place... God has created an incredible ministry here.
As I watched some girls who were reunited with their former roommate, and as I saw their laughter and understanding of each other, and as I witnessed them worshipping alongside each other, I couldn't help but feel like I've missed out a little. God knew what was best, and I trust that alone time to escape and decompress at the end of my days has been what I've needed, but I found myself questioning what this experience could be like if you felt like you were doing it with best (or at least really close) friends. I love Twana, but she lives in a house off-campus, so I don't see her all that often. I just haven't experienced a home environment like the one I caught a glimpse of last night, and I was a little jealous. But who knows? That might have changed my path in more ways than I realize, and it obviously wasn't sovereignly planned to run that way.
Anyway, after that, we returned to our room for some laughter that lasted well-past our bedtimes, and we all proceeded to show that we're becoming like our parents and we're not fully able to enjoy rest and sleep outside of our own beds. This morning we enjoyed an abundant breakfast buffet followed by more pool time under the scorching Central American sun. I loved looking around and seeing ten lovely Christian women laying out and reading. This is such a community of readers. I really do fit in well here. We all have a lot in common even though we're from completely different backgrounds, locations, and lives.
This afternoon, Sarah and I spent some time in El Centro (the old downtown that is named for the Central Park) because we thought we were supposed to serve at the feeding center. Unfortunately, that got cancelled, but we did proceed to witness a crime scene, get hit on, purchase a new wallet and pair of shoes for CHEAP (I am REALLY going to miss that when I'm home!), watch rowdy parades of soccer fans complete with firecrackers in the streets, feel hot and exhausted, sit on the sidewalk while waiting for friends and joke about holding our hands out to ask for money, get a little scared by a homeless man, get cautioned in English to "be careful" by two Honduran women, struggle to find a bus that would take us home, and remember that we truly do live in Honduras. When we FINALLY made it home, I just collapsed into the rest, safety, and security of my bed.
Thanks for making it through the long version of my days and my heart's ponderings... I hope this weekend has been blessed and refreshing for everyone. :)
I can't believe it's just six more Saturdays...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Abuse of Freedom
Today was rough. I feel like such a failure when I come home sometimes... And other times, I feel like a failure by 7:45am.
Today, I think it hurt my heart more than in the past... I have been trying so hard in the last few months, and I have come to love them in the best way I know how. So today, when I feel lied to and taken advantage of after giving and giving, it hurts.
I can't even imagine how parents must feel when their children rebel.
It hurts to know that I want them to do what is right. I want them to make better choices and become better people. Yet when I trust them, they abuse their freedom and show no remorse over lying to my face or going against my rules and expectations.
I'm tired of fighting. I'm sad that they don't try to do the right thing, even if just out of the relationship that we've built.
And then I think of how we rebel against our Heavenly Father... I see so many comparisons here between their behavior in my classroom and my behavior in my life. It makes me ashamed, and His love baffles me.
I'm also coming to terms with the fact that I have just a little bit more than five weeks left with them, and in all honesty, they're probably not going to transform into a kind, respectful, obedient, peaceful group. I know that doesn't mean it's hopeless... God can change their hearts, and I want to commit to pray for that even after I leave. However, what will the next five weeks be like? How can I hold them accountable to be in the right places and doing the right things without losing my temper?
I don't have any idea what I'm doing.
Today, I think it hurt my heart more than in the past... I have been trying so hard in the last few months, and I have come to love them in the best way I know how. So today, when I feel lied to and taken advantage of after giving and giving, it hurts.
I can't even imagine how parents must feel when their children rebel.
It hurts to know that I want them to do what is right. I want them to make better choices and become better people. Yet when I trust them, they abuse their freedom and show no remorse over lying to my face or going against my rules and expectations.
I'm tired of fighting. I'm sad that they don't try to do the right thing, even if just out of the relationship that we've built.
And then I think of how we rebel against our Heavenly Father... I see so many comparisons here between their behavior in my classroom and my behavior in my life. It makes me ashamed, and His love baffles me.
I'm also coming to terms with the fact that I have just a little bit more than five weeks left with them, and in all honesty, they're probably not going to transform into a kind, respectful, obedient, peaceful group. I know that doesn't mean it's hopeless... God can change their hearts, and I want to commit to pray for that even after I leave. However, what will the next five weeks be like? How can I hold them accountable to be in the right places and doing the right things without losing my temper?
I don't have any idea what I'm doing.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Caffeinated thoughts...
After three days without eating, I finally ate a real meal - a Mcnugget meal at McDonald's... Ha! That may not have been my best decision ever, but it was so good, and McDonald's trips come few and far between here!
I wish I had the time and energy to do some real reflecting tonight - or even just to do my nails and eyebrows. Ever since I got sick, I've been crashing around 7:00 every night.
Tonight I'm exhausted and yet awake due to the Coke in my system... Again - not my wisest choice of the night. Man, I'm on a roll... Perhaps I shouldn't choose tonight to try to make any plans for the future. :)
The children have been nuts in the it's-May-and-it's-hot-and-we're-ready-for-summer-kind-of-way... Unfortunately for them, we still have five and a half weeks of school - and in fifth grade, that means five and a half weeks of work to do. I knew I was feeling stronger and more energetic today when I started preaching to them about how the school year is not yet over so they cannot give up and that they are almost sixth graders, but they don't act like it! Oh my... Sometimes I wish I could go back and have do-overs on moments like that.
Last, but not least... David Platt's book Radical came out today, and I'm very excited about and scared to read it. The hardest part is knowing that it speaks tough truths that go against the grain of our materialism and comfort. As I watched a video about it earlier, I was reminded of the passion I had to come here. It almost makes me feel guilty for coming home, but I can only hope that my life is changed for the better because of all that I have learned.
Oh, one more thing. (Sorry.) I was convicted in our Bible study last night because we were reading Colossians 4 and discussing Paul's prayer request as he closed out his letter to the church at Colossae. I noticed that though he was in chains at the time, he did not ask for prayer for strength or endurance or the relief of his suffering. Instead, the clear presentation of the Gospel was his top priority. I know that I have spent much of this year asking for these other things that are focused on me. I have about seven weeks left in Honduras. Please pray that God will use me in this remaining time to share the truth and hope of the Gospel and that these students will hear and understand and be changed by the love of Christ.
I wish I had the time and energy to do some real reflecting tonight - or even just to do my nails and eyebrows. Ever since I got sick, I've been crashing around 7:00 every night.
Tonight I'm exhausted and yet awake due to the Coke in my system... Again - not my wisest choice of the night. Man, I'm on a roll... Perhaps I shouldn't choose tonight to try to make any plans for the future. :)
The children have been nuts in the it's-May-and-it's-hot-and-we're-ready-for-summer-kind-of-way... Unfortunately for them, we still have five and a half weeks of school - and in fifth grade, that means five and a half weeks of work to do. I knew I was feeling stronger and more energetic today when I started preaching to them about how the school year is not yet over so they cannot give up and that they are almost sixth graders, but they don't act like it! Oh my... Sometimes I wish I could go back and have do-overs on moments like that.
Last, but not least... David Platt's book Radical came out today, and I'm very excited about and scared to read it. The hardest part is knowing that it speaks tough truths that go against the grain of our materialism and comfort. As I watched a video about it earlier, I was reminded of the passion I had to come here. It almost makes me feel guilty for coming home, but I can only hope that my life is changed for the better because of all that I have learned.
Oh, one more thing. (Sorry.) I was convicted in our Bible study last night because we were reading Colossians 4 and discussing Paul's prayer request as he closed out his letter to the church at Colossae. I noticed that though he was in chains at the time, he did not ask for prayer for strength or endurance or the relief of his suffering. Instead, the clear presentation of the Gospel was his top priority. I know that I have spent much of this year asking for these other things that are focused on me. I have about seven weeks left in Honduras. Please pray that God will use me in this remaining time to share the truth and hope of the Gospel and that these students will hear and understand and be changed by the love of Christ.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Blah...
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
As far as I know, our sub is already covering for someone today, so I'm just pushing through, chugging Pepto Bismol, and trying to make it until 3:00 when I can go back to bed if necessary...
Here's hoping I don't barf in front of or on a kid today...
As far as I know, our sub is already covering for someone today, so I'm just pushing through, chugging Pepto Bismol, and trying to make it until 3:00 when I can go back to bed if necessary...
Here's hoping I don't barf in front of or on a kid today...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Dear Miss,
I'm pretty sure this note should have been on my desk this morning. Perhaps it was, and a fifth grader stole it...
Dear Miss,
Today we do not have to wear our uniforms. It is shorts day, and we feel like that means we're here to party. We will also be able to buy ice cream during lunch. Do we really have to do work? Yesterday, you left us with Miss Lefever because you weren't feeling well. Miss, she is more strict than you, so we saved our energy for today. Do not bother trying to tell us to be quiet. You can take away our recess, but we will still do what we want. Miss, today is the last day of April. Doesn't that mean school work is over? Ay Miss... Let's just go to recess!
Sincerely,
5B
Miraculously, I have not yet allowed their craziness to impact my mood or my outlook. I spent the majority of yesterday in bed and taking medicine, so I am in a great mood today. They look cute in their regular clothes, and they're just being loud and rowdy in a funny and happy way... I love them anyway.
I'm celebrating with a Dr. Pepper.
Dear Miss,
Today we do not have to wear our uniforms. It is shorts day, and we feel like that means we're here to party. We will also be able to buy ice cream during lunch. Do we really have to do work? Yesterday, you left us with Miss Lefever because you weren't feeling well. Miss, she is more strict than you, so we saved our energy for today. Do not bother trying to tell us to be quiet. You can take away our recess, but we will still do what we want. Miss, today is the last day of April. Doesn't that mean school work is over? Ay Miss... Let's just go to recess!
Sincerely,
5B
Miraculously, I have not yet allowed their craziness to impact my mood or my outlook. I spent the majority of yesterday in bed and taking medicine, so I am in a great mood today. They look cute in their regular clothes, and they're just being loud and rowdy in a funny and happy way... I love them anyway.
I'm celebrating with a Dr. Pepper.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
What a wonderful night!!!
I have talked to so many of the loves of my life tonight that my head is spinning... I may never get to sleep after thinking about my friends and family and all the babies in my life. Tonight, I got to video-chat with James and talk on the phone with Malie Kate... I also got to meet Luke via Skype video, and I think he is beautiful and perfect and I want to hold him! Then, to top it all off, I found out the gender of Baby Woodham - and I'm so thrilled!
I'm on a bit of an emotional overload. It makes this headache, sore throat, and congestion bearable...
I also started The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks tonight. Somewhat unfortunately, but not really, I only got to read the prologue. I was then attached to my webcam/microphone for about four straight hours... This is probably good due to my tendency to read books in one sitting. I mentioned that to a friend tonight, and she said, "Do you have an obsessive personality?"
YES.
Yes, indeed, I do.
The end.
I'm on a bit of an emotional overload. It makes this headache, sore throat, and congestion bearable...
I also started The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks tonight. Somewhat unfortunately, but not really, I only got to read the prologue. I was then attached to my webcam/microphone for about four straight hours... This is probably good due to my tendency to read books in one sitting. I mentioned that to a friend tonight, and she said, "Do you have an obsessive personality?"
YES.
Yes, indeed, I do.
The end.
EXPELLED
Yep. That's the word flying through the fifth grade this afternoon.
Apparently the line has been crossed one too many times.
It's sad that an eleven or twelve year old has reached this point already.
Eduardo says that it's not fair and that without this friend, there will not be a sixth grade. I reminded him that he's failing in three subjects and may not make it to sixth grade anyway...
Wow. What a year!
Apparently the line has been crossed one too many times.
It's sad that an eleven or twelve year old has reached this point already.
Eduardo says that it's not fair and that without this friend, there will not be a sixth grade. I reminded him that he's failing in three subjects and may not make it to sixth grade anyway...
Wow. What a year!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Recent Goings-On:
In my classroom:
- We finished reading aloud the biography of Corrie Ten Boom. These kids are pretty obsessed with WWII and the Holocaust, so this was a good way to read and learn about it while hearing about a testimony of faith and perseverence.
- I rearranged the room before school this morning. I have a huge table that is probably 4'x8', and I put it in the center of the room with seven kids around it. Their desks are against the wall. The other desks are in groups of two all around the table, with the exception of the three stooges who find themselves on islands facing various walls.
- Today we made a quick door decoration that said, "I love my mom because..." and it was sweet to see them grab a marker, lay down on the paper on the floor, think, and then write about their moms. I wrote about mine too. :)
- We're studying fractions. So far, so good.
- We're reading Revolutionary War on Wednesday and for every chapter, they have to look up definitions in a dictionary and then answer comprehension questions. This has been so good for them in a couple of ways. First of all, as it turns out, they don't know how to use a dictionary. Talk about frustrating - but after ten chapters of vocabulary words, I feel like they will have mastered that skill! Also, they are often so bad at listening! Of course, I think that is obvious in the day-to-day frustrations of our class, but it is also their absolute lowest score on the SAT tests. This is a good unit because they have to listen as I read aloud to comprehend and answer the questions... And I don't feel bad about that because the book is WAY TOO EASY for fifth graders!
- I've been keeping up with my grading...
- Marco broke his arm this weekend and is now having to write with his left hand. It's entirely possible that I have never seen handwriting any worse than his... And yet I have that magic teacher-ability to read and interpret it...
- Yesterday, Juan Carlos told me I looked pregnant. In fact, his exact words were like this:
JC - "Miss, you look embarassed in that dress."
Me - "I look what in this dress?"
JC - "Embarassed."
Me - "Really? Why do I look embarassed in this dress?"
JC - "Miss - like you're going to have a baby..."
Yep. They boost my self-esteem on a daily basis... And I'm holding out hope that he used the word "embarassed" by mistake in his whole English-is-not-my-first-or-best-language kind of way.
- We've almost made it through April!!!!!!!
In my life outside of work:
- A whole lotta' nothing has been going on.
- Because I've been keeping up with my grading, I find myself with free time and no idea what to do other than to kill brain cells on Facebook.
- I'm currently reading a book called The Cage. It was a recommendation from a student, and it's about Jews living inside the gates of the ghetto during the Nazi occupation. (See? I told you... Obsessed.) However, I'm struggling to read it. After reading the biography last week and revisiting my feelings from my tour of Auschwitz concentration camp last year, I'm kind of feeling like I've had enough. And that leads me to Facebook as well so that I don't have to keep reading it...
- I've been enjoying the fruits and veggies that I got at the market last weekend. I got something like two watermelons, seven bananas, four tomatoes, three onions, twelve limes, four potatos, and two bags of green beans for $10. Twana says that when I will leave I will miss her the most and after that, I will miss the market. I think she's right.
- I've warned Twana that we're going to spend so much time together in the next two months that she will be ready for me to leave... And her parents are coming this Friday!
- I just found out today that instead of summer pay (which I didn't even know we received), our April and May paychecks will be double the regular amount, and I will receive a check from the school sometime around October! Woohoo for unexpected money!!!
- Lots of people that I know are having babies. Wow.
- Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred has been fun-ish for the last 20 days, but after Juan Carlos's comment yesterday (see above), I'm feeling discouraged.
My spiritual life:
- My absolute FAVORITE time of the day has become the hour before I go to sleep... That's when my apartment usually gets still and quiet, and I am able to lean back on my bed, turn on the lamp and the twinkle lights, and read some Scripture, Operation World, and journal some prayers... I wish I could maintain that feeling of peace throughout my entire day.
- The Bible reading has gotten a little scattered recently as we began following the life of David. We're jumping around through the Psalms, 2 Samuel, 1 Chronicles, and who knows what else. It's good though. I'm glad I've been sticking with it.
Things I'm hopeful about:
- The trip to Chicago in July and my very first Cubs game at Wrigley Field!!!
- Time with my sister this summer before she moves off to college.
- Possibly helping with the Hispanic ministry at Brook Hills if I get to move back to Birmingham.
- Eating Chickfila again... And Mexican food. And Zaxby's. And Jim 'N Nick's.
- A possible trip to Reevesville, South Carolina in August to learn to cook like Paula Deen. :)
- Returning to my old friendships and watching babies grow...
- We finished reading aloud the biography of Corrie Ten Boom. These kids are pretty obsessed with WWII and the Holocaust, so this was a good way to read and learn about it while hearing about a testimony of faith and perseverence.
- I rearranged the room before school this morning. I have a huge table that is probably 4'x8', and I put it in the center of the room with seven kids around it. Their desks are against the wall. The other desks are in groups of two all around the table, with the exception of the three stooges who find themselves on islands facing various walls.
- Today we made a quick door decoration that said, "I love my mom because..." and it was sweet to see them grab a marker, lay down on the paper on the floor, think, and then write about their moms. I wrote about mine too. :)
- We're studying fractions. So far, so good.
- We're reading Revolutionary War on Wednesday and for every chapter, they have to look up definitions in a dictionary and then answer comprehension questions. This has been so good for them in a couple of ways. First of all, as it turns out, they don't know how to use a dictionary. Talk about frustrating - but after ten chapters of vocabulary words, I feel like they will have mastered that skill! Also, they are often so bad at listening! Of course, I think that is obvious in the day-to-day frustrations of our class, but it is also their absolute lowest score on the SAT tests. This is a good unit because they have to listen as I read aloud to comprehend and answer the questions... And I don't feel bad about that because the book is WAY TOO EASY for fifth graders!
- I've been keeping up with my grading...
- Marco broke his arm this weekend and is now having to write with his left hand. It's entirely possible that I have never seen handwriting any worse than his... And yet I have that magic teacher-ability to read and interpret it...
- Yesterday, Juan Carlos told me I looked pregnant. In fact, his exact words were like this:
JC - "Miss, you look embarassed in that dress."
Me - "I look what in this dress?"
JC - "Embarassed."
Me - "Really? Why do I look embarassed in this dress?"
JC - "Miss - like you're going to have a baby..."
Yep. They boost my self-esteem on a daily basis... And I'm holding out hope that he used the word "embarassed" by mistake in his whole English-is-not-my-first-or-best-language kind of way.
- We've almost made it through April!!!!!!!
In my life outside of work:
- A whole lotta' nothing has been going on.
- Because I've been keeping up with my grading, I find myself with free time and no idea what to do other than to kill brain cells on Facebook.
- I'm currently reading a book called The Cage. It was a recommendation from a student, and it's about Jews living inside the gates of the ghetto during the Nazi occupation. (See? I told you... Obsessed.) However, I'm struggling to read it. After reading the biography last week and revisiting my feelings from my tour of Auschwitz concentration camp last year, I'm kind of feeling like I've had enough. And that leads me to Facebook as well so that I don't have to keep reading it...
- I've been enjoying the fruits and veggies that I got at the market last weekend. I got something like two watermelons, seven bananas, four tomatoes, three onions, twelve limes, four potatos, and two bags of green beans for $10. Twana says that when I will leave I will miss her the most and after that, I will miss the market. I think she's right.
- I've warned Twana that we're going to spend so much time together in the next two months that she will be ready for me to leave... And her parents are coming this Friday!
- I just found out today that instead of summer pay (which I didn't even know we received), our April and May paychecks will be double the regular amount, and I will receive a check from the school sometime around October! Woohoo for unexpected money!!!
- Lots of people that I know are having babies. Wow.
- Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred has been fun-ish for the last 20 days, but after Juan Carlos's comment yesterday (see above), I'm feeling discouraged.
My spiritual life:
- My absolute FAVORITE time of the day has become the hour before I go to sleep... That's when my apartment usually gets still and quiet, and I am able to lean back on my bed, turn on the lamp and the twinkle lights, and read some Scripture, Operation World, and journal some prayers... I wish I could maintain that feeling of peace throughout my entire day.
- The Bible reading has gotten a little scattered recently as we began following the life of David. We're jumping around through the Psalms, 2 Samuel, 1 Chronicles, and who knows what else. It's good though. I'm glad I've been sticking with it.
Things I'm hopeful about:
- The trip to Chicago in July and my very first Cubs game at Wrigley Field!!!
- Time with my sister this summer before she moves off to college.
- Possibly helping with the Hispanic ministry at Brook Hills if I get to move back to Birmingham.
- Eating Chickfila again... And Mexican food. And Zaxby's. And Jim 'N Nick's.
- A possible trip to Reevesville, South Carolina in August to learn to cook like Paula Deen. :)
- Returning to my old friendships and watching babies grow...
Monday, April 26, 2010
Craziness...
Who needs alcohol when you've got watermelon? That's what I'm thinking this evening... Let's just say it was one of those days... I was in a funk, and they were out of control. I'm really struggling to keep three particular mouths shut during work-time, and it doesn't make for a happy teacher.
Anyway, I've joked a few times this year that it's a good thing we all signed a contract that we wouldn't drink alcohol while we're in Honduras because this year has been enough to turn a non-drinker like me into an alcoholic...
Today, I nursed my spirit with a nap and about three-fourths of a small watermelon, and I am in such a different place right now than I was just four hours ago! Praise the Lord!
So I think a new seating arrangement may be in order soon in my classroom... I'm picturing three boys in three corners. I'm not sure how the Honduran "Rights of the Child" law would look on that, but I dare these Honduran politicians to deal with this for a few days and get back to me... The unfortunate part is that all of the good classroom management tips say to move these kids to the front of the room and close to the teacher.
A of all) That puts them front-and-center for all the negative attention they could want.
B of all) That means I'm the one they talk to and annoy!!!
Ugh. Any and all legal suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I don't love the fact that the majority of my class would tell you in a heartbeat that they hate school. So many of them are SO LAZY. I have tried and tried to ask them for ideas about things that they care about and are motivated to do, but if it is at all academic and not about playing - they're out.
Sadness.
I wish I had the answers...
Now time for Bible study. Adios!
Anyway, I've joked a few times this year that it's a good thing we all signed a contract that we wouldn't drink alcohol while we're in Honduras because this year has been enough to turn a non-drinker like me into an alcoholic...
Today, I nursed my spirit with a nap and about three-fourths of a small watermelon, and I am in such a different place right now than I was just four hours ago! Praise the Lord!
So I think a new seating arrangement may be in order soon in my classroom... I'm picturing three boys in three corners. I'm not sure how the Honduran "Rights of the Child" law would look on that, but I dare these Honduran politicians to deal with this for a few days and get back to me... The unfortunate part is that all of the good classroom management tips say to move these kids to the front of the room and close to the teacher.
A of all) That puts them front-and-center for all the negative attention they could want.
B of all) That means I'm the one they talk to and annoy!!!
Ugh. Any and all legal suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I don't love the fact that the majority of my class would tell you in a heartbeat that they hate school. So many of them are SO LAZY. I have tried and tried to ask them for ideas about things that they care about and are motivated to do, but if it is at all academic and not about playing - they're out.
Sadness.
I wish I had the answers...
Now time for Bible study. Adios!
Counting...
Today I feel sad. I have no idea why, but I do.
My students came in like usual, talking and procrastinating... Yet, they have settled down into their math assignment, and I am so proud. I feel like they've made a lot of progress.
Many of us have countdowns going for various things... For instance, I come home eight weeks from yesterday. I'll be living with my family again in 55 days. We have seven weeks of school left. There are 34 more school days, and two of those are half-days. :) My friend Kristen is coming to visit four weeks from yesterday. She'll be here in 27 days!
With all of this thinking about countdowns, I'm wondering if we should be counting up too...
I just checked the calendar. We have been here for a little more than 37 weeks. (Meaning, 37 weeks have passed since we moved here August 8th...) If I counted correctly, it's been 262 days. I wish I could count the school days, but with the random breaks thrown in this year, I'm really not sure... I'm guessing we've taught for about 140-145 days.
It's nice to look back and see all you've come through sometimes...
Apparently it's a yawny, sniffly morning in 5th grade. Too bad it's unprofessional for a teacher to be listening to her ipod in class.
My students came in like usual, talking and procrastinating... Yet, they have settled down into their math assignment, and I am so proud. I feel like they've made a lot of progress.
Many of us have countdowns going for various things... For instance, I come home eight weeks from yesterday. I'll be living with my family again in 55 days. We have seven weeks of school left. There are 34 more school days, and two of those are half-days. :) My friend Kristen is coming to visit four weeks from yesterday. She'll be here in 27 days!
With all of this thinking about countdowns, I'm wondering if we should be counting up too...
I just checked the calendar. We have been here for a little more than 37 weeks. (Meaning, 37 weeks have passed since we moved here August 8th...) If I counted correctly, it's been 262 days. I wish I could count the school days, but with the random breaks thrown in this year, I'm really not sure... I'm guessing we've taught for about 140-145 days.
It's nice to look back and see all you've come through sometimes...
Apparently it's a yawny, sniffly morning in 5th grade. Too bad it's unprofessional for a teacher to be listening to her ipod in class.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Heaven
Tonight I'm longing for the completion of our rescue and redemption - when and where there will be no more:
I want to learn to make the RIGHT decisions...
And maybe the whole point of the waiting is to help others who long for the same thing to find The Way there as well...
And in the mean time, maybe it's true - you can't always get what you want. I hope I can become increasingly more content with that.
- pain
- suffering
- disappointment
- foolishness
- bad decisions
- sickness
- tornadoes
- fear
- discouragement
- procrastination
- laziness
- apathy
- dissatisfaction
- uncertainty
- disrespect
- hurt feelings
- disease
- starvation
- weakness
- selfishness
- goodbyes
- instability
- hopelessness
- heartache
- lonliness
- scheming
- manipulation
- condemnation...
I want to learn to make the RIGHT decisions...
And maybe the whole point of the waiting is to help others who long for the same thing to find The Way there as well...
And in the mean time, maybe it's true - you can't always get what you want. I hope I can become increasingly more content with that.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Dreams...
Another week has come and gone... Three weeks of the quarter have passed. There are seven left to conquer.
Things are good. I still just wish I could be in two places at once, mostly because of things like this:
Things are good. I still just wish I could be in two places at once, mostly because of things like this:
She's beautiful, and I'm so proud of her... I know that these days, a high school graduation seems pretty standard - but when you realize that life is unpredictable, I think it becomes so important to celebrate moments together for as long as you are blessed to have them.
As I pray and think about my next steps, I find myself dreaming primarily in two different directions and knowing all the while that God may be leading me toward either or neither of them...
First of all, there's the hypothetical idea of a year and a half of hard-core grad school with hopes of academic success leading to an assistantship to teach or research at a large university while pursuing a Ph.D. in education. Then the road could be paved to teach at a university or to do something else in educational leadership and the development of elementary school teachers... This is the big dream that seems completely unrealistic and a bit bigger than reality. In fact, it's like a scary throwback to the Jamey that moved five hours from home at the age of fifteen. I think that comparison is a hint that this may not be God's will... After all, He used those two years to change me and my dreams. Now I wonder if He would lead me back to hopes focusing on self and success and prestige.
(Sidenote: My all time favorite show is Gilmore Girls, and I like to identify with the main character, Rory. In the final season, as she applies for internships and jobs, she blames it all on her mom as she faces rejection. She claims that it is her mom's fault for telling her throughout her entire life that she could do anything... As I dream about things like doctoral degrees, I can definitely relate to her.)
The other dream, at this point, is equally as distant and improbable in completely different ways. It seems like it would be so nice to return to Vincent Elementary, to study for my master's part-time, to buy a house in Vincent, and to settle down there long-term. I don't want to question the Creator and Sustainer of my life, but I can't help but notice that He led me away from Vincent during one of the only years in recent history when Mrs. Miller has not needed to hire new classroom teachers. Maybe such closed doors are just as providential as open ones always seem to be...
I like that I'm open to the Lord's leadership in either direction or toward something else that He wants from me. I'm thankful that these decisions don't have to be made now. I hope and pray that I will choose wisely and follow His guidance.
And now I'm off to spend the night at Twana's and to soak up the last two months of us living in the same place for possibly the rest of our lives. :)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
A Post of Joy
It is high-time that I write a positive, thankful, joyful post... This year (and therefore this blog) has seen its share of lows and extremely hard times. I have faced challenges this year that I never considered or anticipated. I have felt like a whiny complainer more often than not and have found my own blog to be depressing... I have thought that if I knew me, I would not want to keep coming back to read this.
So I want to take this opportunity while I have it to use this blog to rejoice...
Today has been an incredible day. It was not perfect, especially on the academic, orderly side of things, but I am more than willing to call this one a success... I have talked to and/or emailed with almost every person I love the most at some point throughout the day. I can't even express how that lifts my spirits. I also made it through a crazy morning with the students and felt rewarded with a great afternoon. In the last hour of my day, one of my hardest kids opened up and confided in me about personal things, and I was able to joke with a group of my boys as they took a bath in Polo cologne just before walking to the buses in order to "impress" the girls with their "sexiness." (I told them they were more likely to give the girls headaches!) I even had to punish two girls by taking away their recess, and they were still nice and receptive. It's a miracle!!!
God has been so active in my life and in my class this year. I know for certain that the best changes and improvements have come as He has challenged me to invest more in them personally and to trust him with the productivity. That's been hard because I know I'm being watched and judged every time someone else hears my class screaming through the wall, or walking in a clump instead of a line, or seeming out of control at the bathrooms.
But they talk to me! We laugh and joke around and they ask for my opinions and take my advice... Didn't I come here for their hearts and their souls and not their ability to walk in straight, quiet lines?
It's a hard balance... I am a missionary and also a teacher at the same time. Those two roles are very distinct and sometimes don't have the same goals. I know that I am held accountable for their growth in subjects like math and reading. I want to somehow help them to become scholars who can take responsibility for their education and find answers to their own questions. I know that their parents are very concerned about the academic foundation being built and the grades being earned along the way. I know that their future teachers want me to help them "do school" well. And at the same time, I want to be careful to make myself open to them and to treat them with patience, respect, and understanding.
I think that's the primary way that God has changed me. I've been learning (and still am) that I'm not always right. They're kids, but sometimes they know better than I do... Sometimes I don't have to jump to conclusions just because they are not exactly where I want them to be or doing what I told them to do. Sometimes I need to give them the dignity of explaining themselves and to work cooperatively with them to accomplish both of our agendas - not just my own. I think I'm getting a little bit better at listening to them and not taking it so personally when I'm not getting my way. I've just been becoming more patient with them, and while I've always felt like I related well with students, I feel growth.
As a teacher, I feel like I've learned a lot this year about really getting to know each child and seeing them individually instead of collectively as a group. Sometimes we can have great systems in place and ideas that could develop into well-oiled machines, but we're not really meeting the kid where they are or pulling them into our great plans and schemes. A great lesson-plan is nothing without the involvement of the students. I have spent more time this year than ever before considering the strengths and needs of my students and the best ways to engage them. We have to learn how to bring them into what we do so that it's less about the task and more about the person.
Okay, wow... I feel like I'm dealing with hypothesis and theory of a philosophy of education. That's funny because in college, I had to write a ridiculous number of papers on that topic, and I never felt certain about my position. I did well by regurgitating what I had learned in class and what I thought was supposed to be my philosophy of education. Maybe this year has served to radically transform and develop that in me...
Anyway... I feel like I'm chasing rabbits. I write all of this to say that I'm rejoicing because of recent improvements. I know they have come as a result of prayer, and I am greatful. It's nice to know I've reached a point where, if it continues like this, I feel like I can finish well and possibly even enjoy it along the way - at least most of the time...
So I want to take this opportunity while I have it to use this blog to rejoice...
Today has been an incredible day. It was not perfect, especially on the academic, orderly side of things, but I am more than willing to call this one a success... I have talked to and/or emailed with almost every person I love the most at some point throughout the day. I can't even express how that lifts my spirits. I also made it through a crazy morning with the students and felt rewarded with a great afternoon. In the last hour of my day, one of my hardest kids opened up and confided in me about personal things, and I was able to joke with a group of my boys as they took a bath in Polo cologne just before walking to the buses in order to "impress" the girls with their "sexiness." (I told them they were more likely to give the girls headaches!) I even had to punish two girls by taking away their recess, and they were still nice and receptive. It's a miracle!!!
God has been so active in my life and in my class this year. I know for certain that the best changes and improvements have come as He has challenged me to invest more in them personally and to trust him with the productivity. That's been hard because I know I'm being watched and judged every time someone else hears my class screaming through the wall, or walking in a clump instead of a line, or seeming out of control at the bathrooms.
But they talk to me! We laugh and joke around and they ask for my opinions and take my advice... Didn't I come here for their hearts and their souls and not their ability to walk in straight, quiet lines?
It's a hard balance... I am a missionary and also a teacher at the same time. Those two roles are very distinct and sometimes don't have the same goals. I know that I am held accountable for their growth in subjects like math and reading. I want to somehow help them to become scholars who can take responsibility for their education and find answers to their own questions. I know that their parents are very concerned about the academic foundation being built and the grades being earned along the way. I know that their future teachers want me to help them "do school" well. And at the same time, I want to be careful to make myself open to them and to treat them with patience, respect, and understanding.
I think that's the primary way that God has changed me. I've been learning (and still am) that I'm not always right. They're kids, but sometimes they know better than I do... Sometimes I don't have to jump to conclusions just because they are not exactly where I want them to be or doing what I told them to do. Sometimes I need to give them the dignity of explaining themselves and to work cooperatively with them to accomplish both of our agendas - not just my own. I think I'm getting a little bit better at listening to them and not taking it so personally when I'm not getting my way. I've just been becoming more patient with them, and while I've always felt like I related well with students, I feel growth.
As a teacher, I feel like I've learned a lot this year about really getting to know each child and seeing them individually instead of collectively as a group. Sometimes we can have great systems in place and ideas that could develop into well-oiled machines, but we're not really meeting the kid where they are or pulling them into our great plans and schemes. A great lesson-plan is nothing without the involvement of the students. I have spent more time this year than ever before considering the strengths and needs of my students and the best ways to engage them. We have to learn how to bring them into what we do so that it's less about the task and more about the person.
Okay, wow... I feel like I'm dealing with hypothesis and theory of a philosophy of education. That's funny because in college, I had to write a ridiculous number of papers on that topic, and I never felt certain about my position. I did well by regurgitating what I had learned in class and what I thought was supposed to be my philosophy of education. Maybe this year has served to radically transform and develop that in me...
Anyway... I feel like I'm chasing rabbits. I write all of this to say that I'm rejoicing because of recent improvements. I know they have come as a result of prayer, and I am greatful. It's nice to know I've reached a point where, if it continues like this, I feel like I can finish well and possibly even enjoy it along the way - at least most of the time...
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Picture Post
For the visual learners out there, here are some of the goings on in my Honduran world...
A of all) This friendship is still going strong. LOVE her...
B of all) My classroom lights are getting worse. I turn them on at 7:30, and I expect them to warm up and come on. This was the status of the lights during lunch today... Thank the Lord for our windows.
C of all) These bugs have invaded our school. I come in each morning to find at least 30 in the floor of my classroom. I try to scoot them out to prevent the crazy reactions from the 11 yr. olds. Bonus points to anyone who identifies them and helps me figure out how to get rid of them!!!
And if I don't scoot them out, this is what happens when you purposefully or accidentally step on them. They explode!
D of all) Once upon a time, my classroom was cute and neat and organized. Then kids came. Such is the life of a teacher.
E of all) These books have taken over our classrooms and have probably taken over Honduras. I wonder if there are teachers in every country dealing with this epidemic...
You buy packages of stickers with team emblems and player photos on them. Then you add them to your album, with hopes of collecting them all for each team.
My students find it hard to believe that I don't know who is on the team for USA.
I caught a glimpse of this paper earlier today as one of my boys grabbed it protectively, as if it contained all the secrets of life. I teased him and asked if he was gambling... He told me that he does not gamble. It is helping him to keep track of the pictures he has collected and the ones he wants to trade for. There are 638 stickers. That's right. 638. He's got a long way to go, and so does his mom's wallet...
B of all) My classroom lights are getting worse. I turn them on at 7:30, and I expect them to warm up and come on. This was the status of the lights during lunch today... Thank the Lord for our windows.
C of all) These bugs have invaded our school. I come in each morning to find at least 30 in the floor of my classroom. I try to scoot them out to prevent the crazy reactions from the 11 yr. olds. Bonus points to anyone who identifies them and helps me figure out how to get rid of them!!!
And if I don't scoot them out, this is what happens when you purposefully or accidentally step on them. They explode!
D of all) Once upon a time, my classroom was cute and neat and organized. Then kids came. Such is the life of a teacher.
E of all) These books have taken over our classrooms and have probably taken over Honduras. I wonder if there are teachers in every country dealing with this epidemic...
You buy packages of stickers with team emblems and player photos on them. Then you add them to your album, with hopes of collecting them all for each team.
My students find it hard to believe that I don't know who is on the team for USA.
I caught a glimpse of this paper earlier today as one of my boys grabbed it protectively, as if it contained all the secrets of life. I teased him and asked if he was gambling... He told me that he does not gamble. It is helping him to keep track of the pictures he has collected and the ones he wants to trade for. There are 638 stickers. That's right. 638. He's got a long way to go, and so does his mom's wallet...It's 1:20, and another light just came on.
30 more minutes of this break... Nos vemos!
Waking Up
I have a dream that someday, I will be able to sleep until my alarm goes off. Someday, I will not awake to sounds from the kitchen, the room beside mine, the bathroom, or the room upstairs. I will get the maximum amount of sleep possible because I will no longer hear closet doors closing, chairs moving, microwaves opening, or spoons hitting bowls.
Someday, I will not live here anymore. Until then, I'm thinking of carpeting my bedroom door with hopes that it could absorb sound waves... Or maybe I need ear plugs to go along with the fan and sound machine that I already use...
Ridiculous.
Someday, I will not live here anymore. Until then, I'm thinking of carpeting my bedroom door with hopes that it could absorb sound waves... Or maybe I need ear plugs to go along with the fan and sound machine that I already use...
Ridiculous.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Routine Has Returned...
And with that routine comes a lack of blog topics. I feel like there's not much to update. The days are all passing pretty quickly. Things are going well again with my students - mostly because I've chosen relationships over control. They're loud. They don't do anything in a straight, quiet line. They often have to be told to do things at least four times before they're done. They exchange rules and expectations for what they prefer throughout the day. But if I'm patient, they'll usually finish what they're doing (which hasn't been bad stuff lately) and they'll laugh with me and get their work done. Maybe that's what matters? I honestly don't know... I never imagined my classroom being like this... But I know that I've changed. Changed with them and changed in general. A lot... Maybe I'll be able to put it into words before this is all said and done.
Two of my girls came over to hang out after school today. We made a homemade pizza and played on Facebook. I like being able to do that with them. Three months ago, I was blogging about being bullied by one of these girls. The Lord has absolutely changed her. The difference is miraculous.
One of my boy students loves one of my girl students. Apparently he has for three years (since she moved here). Honestly, it's pretty serious for elementary school love - as far as that can go. She won't give him the time of day. He's the bad boy and often the ring-leader for mischief and anything lacking innocence. She's the straight-A student who has no interest (for now) in anything related to trouble. He got tired of her around Valentine's Day and decided he was giving up. Last week, she gave him one of her plastic bracelets. (I'm not sure why... Maybe we all like being liked, even if we're not sure we return the feeling.) His eyes lit up as he told me about it and who it was from. He's worn it everyday since. It seems like one of those situations where he could pine for her for years. I can tell he'll never forget her. I'll be interested to see if she somehow motivates him to be good, or if he ends up pulling her down later on... Time will tell.
My class is leading chapel tomorrow. I'm a bit more heavily involved than I would like, but I'm proud of the way they've pulled it together. The first time we had a brainstorming session, their attitudes and participation were so bad, I gave up and just made them put their heads down. We've come a long way since then! In our actual planning session, I was incredibly blessed by the quality of their explanations of what it means to be a Christian (the theme of our presentation). Somewhere along the way, at least some of them have heard some of the things their parents and teachers have been trying to share.
That also means that tomorrow is a Day 4 schedule, which means I will have a surplus amount of breaks and free time - especially considering how well I've been staying on top of my grading this week. Send me emails and keep me entertained!
Goodnight moon.
Two of my girls came over to hang out after school today. We made a homemade pizza and played on Facebook. I like being able to do that with them. Three months ago, I was blogging about being bullied by one of these girls. The Lord has absolutely changed her. The difference is miraculous.
One of my boy students loves one of my girl students. Apparently he has for three years (since she moved here). Honestly, it's pretty serious for elementary school love - as far as that can go. She won't give him the time of day. He's the bad boy and often the ring-leader for mischief and anything lacking innocence. She's the straight-A student who has no interest (for now) in anything related to trouble. He got tired of her around Valentine's Day and decided he was giving up. Last week, she gave him one of her plastic bracelets. (I'm not sure why... Maybe we all like being liked, even if we're not sure we return the feeling.) His eyes lit up as he told me about it and who it was from. He's worn it everyday since. It seems like one of those situations where he could pine for her for years. I can tell he'll never forget her. I'll be interested to see if she somehow motivates him to be good, or if he ends up pulling her down later on... Time will tell.
My class is leading chapel tomorrow. I'm a bit more heavily involved than I would like, but I'm proud of the way they've pulled it together. The first time we had a brainstorming session, their attitudes and participation were so bad, I gave up and just made them put their heads down. We've come a long way since then! In our actual planning session, I was incredibly blessed by the quality of their explanations of what it means to be a Christian (the theme of our presentation). Somewhere along the way, at least some of them have heard some of the things their parents and teachers have been trying to share.
That also means that tomorrow is a Day 4 schedule, which means I will have a surplus amount of breaks and free time - especially considering how well I've been staying on top of my grading this week. Send me emails and keep me entertained!
Goodnight moon.
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