Pressure and Panic

Today was okay... Actually, I would have called it good until the very end of the day when three of my most challenging students really pushed my buttons. I miss students who listen and follow directions. I miss students who are courteous, respectful, and kind. Sometimes I am tempted to think that students like that don't really exist and that all teaching is like this, but I know it's not true! It's just easy to see your immediate circumstances as universal.

I'm starting to panic about a job for next year. I keep hearing of other teachers here who are interviewing on Skype and uploading videos of their teaching onto YouTube and getting jobs already.

It's just ironic because for quite a few months of this year, I wanted to escape from teaching. Now, it's all I want to do. God has helped me to see the tremendous opportunity held by a teacher to invest in a community. In the elementary school setting, you are able to not only invest in students, but also to invest in their siblings and parents over the years as you watch their families grow and change. This year, I have learned a lot about patience, love, and faith. I hope that I am given a chance to show and prove my growth...

So now that I am really dreaming of spending my summer setting up a classroom and preparing for the next step, I'm afraid that such a classroom doesn't even exist in my future.

It's hard because so much of it is who you know, and when you've left the country, you don't really know anyone anymore - even the people you thought you knew before...

And I know that I should be strong and courageous to know that my God is with me, He called me here, and He will lead me in the future as well. I should trust Him enough to know that He didn't just call me here for a year of hardship with the intent to cut me off from my career in the end. I guess faith is just easier said than done...