And joy abounds...

I tried to write a post yesterday, but I got distracted or ran out of time... Regardless, the theme of my emotions are very much the same tonight.

I'm feeling a renewed sense of joy and thanksgiving.

In one part of the Esther Bible study, Beth Moore talks about when the tables turn... And she points out that the table has to be set against you for God to show up and show off by turning the table... I don't know how long this one will last, but this week has shown many signs of a table being turned - especially with one of my students.

Just two months ago, I was asking for prayers because I felt bullied by her. And my pride was wounded because I felt that being bullied by a fifth grader was ridiculous. This afternoon, she literally begged for me to let her call her mom to ask to stay after school to hang out because she didn't want to go home. I have no idea what has changed except for the influencing power of the Holy Spirit, but this week, she has not just put up with me. She has acted as if she may even like me. Praise the Lord...

Once in an interview for a teaching job, I was asked if I think it's important for my students to like me. I don't really know what kind of principal-pleasing answer I concocted, but now a few years later I'm willing to stand against the "professional" grain and boldy say, "YES - I think it's important for them to like me."

Except for the fact that I am still human to the core who likes being liked, it's not about acceptance of the approval of an eleven year old. After all, it's easy to convince myself that the main reason they don't like me is just because they're immature and not seeing me clearly - not because there's something in me that is not to be liked. :) However, I think it comes down to the reason I have stuck with teaching even this long... I've always loved "playing school," but teaching isn't quite the same now as when I instructed my dolls and my little sister. If I'm in it to play school, then all this extra work and responsibility is not worth it. I'm not even in it for the love of knowledge or the subjects I teach. Even though I can easily be distracted and forget my purpose, I know that I sought out a career building relationships with children so that I could get to know them, love them, and invest in them...

With that goal in mind, yes - it is important that they like me (or at least that some of them do - because I know that not everyone will) so that they feel comfortable with me, open up to me, and listen to me...

Today ended on such a high note for me. I sent 20 kids scattering in all directions toward various buses, and I walked lazily down the hill with two girls who are basically sitting on the fence right now between positive choices and negative ones that will impact their futures and the young women they are becoming. Then I stood outside the buses until the very last possible minute, not trying to control them or boss them around or force them to do something or be someone in order for me to accomplish my agenda of tasks... Instead, we stood there as friends who were identifying with each other and talking openly.

That is definitely one great thing about this school. In many ways, as long as teachers can stay on the good side of parents with high expectations, no one questions us for putting the personal in front of the professional when it comes to our interactions with our students. The lines of professionalism aren't drawn to form boundaries of distance and privacy. We are encouraged to be real with our students - to let them know who we really are in and outside the classroom and to get to know them that way as well...

So of course, this breakthrough shows up just before Spring Break - but if the Lord wants it to, then I know it will continue and maybe even grow even after a week off... I would love for people to join me in praying for that.

This blog is about to be quiet for almost a week while I vacation at the Caribbean. Seriously, it's a hard-knock life here in Honduras. (It really is for so many. I'm not taking that lightly.) Tomorrow at five pm, Twana, Hannah, and I will head down the mountain to spend the night with Emily. Then we will rise at some ungodly (is that blasphemous?) hour Saturday morning to go to Sketchville, Honduras to get on a bus. That bus will then take us (hopefully) to Tela, Honduras where we will lay on the beach, lay in hammocks, sight-see, eat, sleep, read, and relax until next Thursday. By the way, we may absolutely get what we pay for, but this whole trip will probably cost me less than $200, and I think that's even a generous estimate. We'll see how well I handle traveling Honduran-style. Supposedly our hotel has air-conditioning, so I'm thinking it could be much worse!

Okay... I still need to start the packing process, pray for the world (China tonight, I think), read the Word, and try to get a little sleep so I don't start my spring break off on a grumpy foot.

Love y'all! Have a great Semana Santa (Holy Week)!


Oh... and one more particularly joyous moment of the day:
One of my somewhat average, sometimes struggling students got the highest grade on today's social studies test. He beat all the obviously giften kids with a 102. When I showed him his grade, he practically flew back to his seat with uncontrollable, unreserved grinning and laughing. He sat in his chair in disbelief and told everyone around him about his school. Twenty seconds later, I heard, "Miss - Roberto's crying!" He was... I looked up to find him fighting back tears of joy. And then I looked away to fight back a few of my own.

Precious.

Oops.

I'm already feeling convicted about my previous post about $160 jeans... If I win a pair, excellent. However - couldn't that money be much better spent on something that is more of a necessity for me, or more importantly, for someone else?

Sometimes it takes me awhile to put things is perspective...

My Awesome Jean Design! > indiDenim: Custom Jeans Made Just For You!

My Awesome Jean Design! > indiDenim: Custom Jeans Made Just For You!

So... I should be grading papers - but instead, I'm designing jeans.

When I get a real job again, I'm totally buying these!

Or maybe I'll win them for free since I shared them on here!!! :)

Mental break...

I spent much of my day feeling lethargic, but it's amazing how 3:00 can change things... It may also help that I went to the cafeteria and got the perfect after school snack (Pepsi and Doritos) for the equivalent of $1!

Today will be a late day in the classroom, but that's okay... I need to catch up on all this crazy paperwork. Then hopefully I can stay on track for the rest of this week. Friday is the last day of the quarter, and that means grades are due for report cards as soon as we get back from Spring Break.

Just one more quarter to go! On top of that, I think I'll go back to my 2nd quarter ways of planning in a way that makes my workload easier so that I can go home earlier... I tried to be a super-teacher for the third quarter, and I don't see a lot of benefits for me or my students. In fact, I feel less appreciated by the administration now than I did back when I did just enough to get by.

Oh well.

I don't do this for the approval of men, right?

Wow... Streaming country music always picks me up too!

"So it's me and her and a can of beans sitting there on the front porch swing. Western sky all turning red. Head on my shoulder she sighed and said..."

Did I mention that I started a countdown to the end of school??? 52 school days. And that means we have completed about 130. I love this part when you look back and start to realize just how much is behind you.

I think contracts are a down-side to the teaching field, but it's nice to have a job with a clear-cut start and finish. I'm guessing most jobs feel endless, so I'm appreciating the ability to count down to a specific goal.

Of course, these thoughts are ironic seeing as how the idea of settling down in one place for at least five years (or twenty+) is really sounding appealing... I guess you never appreciate what you have until it's gone. I would love to return to Vincent, but I know that there are not supposed to be any openings there next year. I even emailed my resume to the principal at the high school just in case something comes available for sixth grade... I feel like my crazy gallavanting has helped me to see the value of community - where you know and are known... Where you run to the gas station or Dollar General and end up talking to someone in the parking lot... Where you spend time building relationships (and being careful to avoid gossip) at the ball park. After all, isn't faith meant to be lived out in the setting of everyday life?

I would also teach in Blount County - although unfortunately, this is really not the best time to try to find a teaching job.

All I know is that the Lord is definitely changing my heart and molding my dreams.

And He will work it all out. He always does...

On the bright side, God has really answered prayers about the relationships that I have with my students. I no longer feel like they hate me. I like the way that we can joke and laugh and be sarcastic. (That's part of the reason I think I should always teach 4th, 5th, or 6th grades...) I love goofing off with them in small ways like when they say, "Miss - what's up?" accompanied by a head-nod, and all I have to do is return the head-nod to make them smile. I love that some of them have even shown a little bit of compassion or understanding to me or to each other lately.

I know it's small, but one of my girls came to me today with two books in her hand and asked me to choose which one she should read first. I appreciated that she valued my opinion, especially in comparison to our tense interactions in January.

Okay. That's enough of a mental break. It's time to be productive...

I hope y'all have a wonderful Tuesday afternoon/night!

Conflicting Emotions...

Mom is gone. In fact, if I'm doing all of my time conversions correctly in my head (math is hard... hahaha), then she should probably be boarding her plane in Atlanta right about now. In fact, delta.com says their flight to Birmingham is on time.

That would be a Festivus miracle!!!

There have definitely been moments of sadness this afternoon. I have not yet given in to real crying, and maybe I won't. Goodbyes are always hard. But the time that we spent together was more than worth it.

And God's timing is perfect. I have spent the evening preparing a playlist and lyrics for our small group worship time tonight... That's been comforting and peacefully distracting.

God has really reminded me that I am incredibly blessed to have a WONDERFUL relationship with my mom. It's hard for me to imagine people who do not love or like their mom.

We're a perfect match.

And I'll be back within driving distance of her in two months and 28 days. :)

I LOVE YOU MOM!

Feliz dia de los padres!

Happy Father's Day! This morning, multiple students asked, "Miss - Did you call your dad and tell him happy Father's Day today?"

I said no.

In my country, today is not Father's Day.

But today was a very special day in my class. We started with an hour-long program in the gym. Then we had a breakfast party for the dads in the classroom. With balloons.

BAD.idea.

But, whatever... My mom spent almost the entire day in my classroom today. She saw the kids and put faces with names. She graded papers. She filed. She stapled.

She made me feel like I could do anything until 3:00.

After all, the greatest challenge of our day would start at 3:30 when we picked up the rental car and I drove in Honduras.

Let's just say that I did fine (so far) and we made it safely to the mall and back, but I'm really good at finding all the potholes - so the car may not have any shocks (aren't those the things that help absorb bumps? No? Okay. Just pretend I know what I'm talking about...) by Monday morning.

I think Mom and Nancy are having fun. They're still tired and struggling with the travel/activity/time change/altitude. Whatever... It's no big deal. They've been troopers - willing to follow me and go anywhere and do anything.

I told them tonight I'm tired of being the mom. I'm making all the decisions about where we go, what we do, and where we eat. I'm paying for it (in Honduran currency and they will pay me back), ordering things for them in Spanish, and now driving them around. They are eating this up, and I'm going to be exhausted from my weekend!!!

But it's worth it.

Because my mom is here with me in Honduras. :)

They're here!!!

Do I really have to go to work tomorrow?

I'm in vacation mode.

This could be interesting.

Where I am...

Where I'm not:

- I'm not at home in Birmingham.

- But I'm also not at morning devotions, about to begin another day of 5th grade!

Where I am:

- In my bed...

- I woke up early enough for work (good to know my body is adjusted into my routine) and due to the excitement of realizing my Mom was already in Atlanta, I couldn't go back to sleep.

- So I've been catching up on the blogs that I read and debating whether or not I want to eat some cereal.

Where I will be:

- Cleaning my room. Getting it ready for the best 4-night sleepover a girl could have!

- Making a welcome sign. Not for my mom and Nancy, but for Emily's friend Dan. After all - he's an Auburn fan and a Brook Hills member coming to visit Honduras. He's practically my brother, and that warrants some kind of obnoxious airport sign that says "War eagle!"

- Must. shower.

- Meeting the driver at 10. Awkwardly riding with him in my lack-of-Spanish silence to the airport.

- Meeting Dan.

- Hugging my mom and not wanting to let her go.

- Probably crying (because I'm already tearing up.) (Makes me think of Love Actually... Note to self: waterproof mascara.)

- Apparently having 4 suitcases worth of Christmas in March (FOOD!!!). :)

- And showing my mom the beauty of the dirty and the poor.

Teaching...

I often compare myself to a roller coaster.

I'm so up and down.

Teaching drives me absolutely nuts sometimes. But lately, my motivation and dedication has been climbing. These changing perspectives make me feel a little unstable, but I choose to believe that it's God answering the prayers of many - helping to lead, guide, and sustain me - both in the here and now and for the future.

And as for tonight? I've got my game face on.

You know it's work-time when I turn off the tv that I often keep on in the background and actually sit at my DESK to get some work done.

Large stack of papers and crazy gradebook - bring it on! I've got WZZK in my earphones, and I'm staying on top of things this week!

Sidenote: I'm excited that the third quarter only has a week and a half to go... I'm ready to start over on a clean page in my gradebook.

Teachers are nerds.

Currently

My mom will be here in less than 48 hours.

I can't believe it. It's almost too good to be true. And yet, I hope it's not. I hope it's perfectly wonderful and completely real.

I've become a bit anxious about this visit, and I was really relieved during devotions this morning when another girl shared the same feelings about her sister and cousin visiting this weekend. I think that my insecurities about Honduras are a little magnified now that I feel the need to play hostess. It's like I all of a sudden need to know where I am and what I'm doing at all times - and yet that simply isn't the case for us most of the time. I guess this new pressure is partly related to the fact that we're renting a car and I am going to drive here.

I can't believe it.

I have said multiple times that I never wanted to drive here.

However, it wasn't that expensive, and it will provide some much-appreciated independence.

So please be praying that all of the details will fall smoothly into place and that the Lord will continue to provide and protect us so that we can fully enjoy our time together. :)


P.S. - This link is so worth reading.

Portrait of a Pablo

Current obsessions: Peanuts cartoons (notice desk calendar and decorations) and War and Peace (because it was mentioned in a Peanuts cartoon, of course)

Thoughts of leaving and thoughts of staying...

Today has been a day of peaceful contentment. As I rode around the bustling city full of cars, buses, motorcycles and the sounds of horns and traffic this morning on the way to and from the market that I love so dearly, I sometimes caught myself smiling for no reason - as if I had a secret that no one else knew.

I am in the center of my Heavenly Father's Will.

I am right where He wants me.

I have been extremely disappointed with myself this year. I have wanted to give up and go home more times than I can count. I hate that I have even considered that as an option and even given it any credit by emailing it and speaking it aloud.

Of course it's hard! Isn't it supposed to be hard? This is not just a physical battle related to living in a third-world country without safe independence or self-sufficiency. This is a spiritual battle. I moved here to fight a battle for 22 souls for 11 months. Now with so much time passed, I can see that I didn't know what I was walking into. It seems like a stronger, more committed, more energetic person would have been better for the job.

But God called me here.

There have been a few specific times when I thought I was finished. I thought I was empty and that I couldn't go on. Contract or no contract, for one reason or another, I thought it was time for me to board that plane and return to the safety, comfort, support, and love of my home.

But each time, my sovereign God closed that door and kept me here.

He has kept me in His will.

He held me where He wanted me.

Those days of wanting to give up and go home have been some of my absolute lowest points on this journey, but the time that has followed has proven every time to be a rebounding high.

That rebound is a time of confirmation. It is a time when I am reminded that for this entire school year, this is my life. My life is in Honduras. This year of my life is to be spent living on this mountain, teaching in that classroom, visiting that lady at the market, spending time with these friends, and documenting it on this blog.

Numbers 33:2 says that as the Israelites traveled and camped, Moses wrote down all of their starting places and kept records of their journey. Now I've been reading Deuteronomy, and I have felt so encouraged. Moses has been giving a powerful pep-talk to the Israelites before they finally go in and take possession of the land that they had been promised. Throughout the whole speech, he goes to great lengths to remind them of the grace and faithfulness of God as shown in His deliverance all that He had brought them through.

Sometimes it's important to look back and remember.

I came here on August 8, 2009. I have now been here for seven months and five days. The countdown on my Windows Sidebar says that I'll be coming home in three months and six days. As a teacher who is gearing up to teach about fractions, I'm really seeing that a majority is behind me and the days are flying by... My mom is coming on Thursday for a long weekend (woohoo!), and then Spring Break will begin the following weekend. When we return from traveling adventures scattered all over this hemisphere, we will review for a week and then spend a week on testing. By then, we'll be more than half-way through April.

And you know what? I will be here.

I will be here until June 20th because my God has confirmed that it is right for me to be here.

Spring forward???

I can't believe it's already time for a time change... I feel like falling backward just happened! Of course, Honduras doesn't play the silly time-change game, so this just means I'll have to readjust to being on a different schedule than everyone at home. That's doable.

Today felt like summer. It was somewhere around 95 degrees. I enjoyed it. :)

I've also enjoyed my night. We went to McDonald's, hung out, and watched old episodes of the O.C.

I feel normal-ish.

My week, much like my young adult life, has felt like a roller coaster of ups and downs.

Today was more of an uphill climb. That's a nice way to enter into the weekend. :)

Maybe I'll stay in education... Maybe I'll go to grad school full-time this year. And then maybe Mrs. Miller will be able to find a spot for me again at Vincent. And maybe I'll work for a university someday. And maybe I'll change the world.

But for now, maybe I'll go to sleep to prepare for our morning market adventure...

To be a fly on the wall...

Sometimes I wish there were video cameras following my life...

My old roommate Leslie and I used to say that in moments like when she climbed inside of our new entertainment center from Target so that we could put it together, or the time when we snaked our own dryer vent (from the laundry room all the way out to the patio) to try to get the lent out. Or the raccoon... Whatever was blocking the path and leaving our dryer inefficient.

Today I wished that I could wear glasses that doubled as a camera with a direct-link to my blog.

I wished that when David (Dah-veed) stomped his feet and whined "Why?!?" as if he was six years old when he was told he could not go to the bathroom.

I wished that during social studies when I became queen, and they became my subjects possessing little pieces of construction paper (money) which they used to pay my taxes. In the perfect worlds of Kelly and Katherine, this would involve Starbursts or Skittles instead of paper, and it would last longer than one 20-minute lesson. Yet, after 20 (possibly 15) minutes of desk taxes, paper taxes, social studies book taxes, pencil taxes, talking taxes, touching-another -student taxes, leaning-back-in-your-chair taxes, and falling taxes (Pablo!), they very quickly got to the point. They revolted. They chanted, "Strike! Strike! Strike!" as their fists pumped in unity.

In truth, this was the whole goal of the lesson, and I used it as a hook to introduce the experience of the colonists as they endured The Sugar Act and The Stamp Act and moved toward rebellion and ultimately, The Revolution.

And I enjoyed doing it.

Then, when it was over and some of the kids were walking around collecting the pieces of paper, I was shocked to see how possessive some of them became! They were absolutely reluctant to give up their "money."

As Marco walked to my desk with the bag of "taxes," Marcelo trailed after him to turn in the papers he had been hiding. Both of them were innocently and inconspiculously (yeah right!) followed by Pablo who went to great lengths to look at me, smile and wave, and to keep his "money" hidden behind his back - even as he turned away from my desk and placed it in the bag without looking. By this time, everyone was watching him. He grinned, succeeded in his mission, and gave us all a thumbs up before returning to his seat - making a scene all the way there, of course...

I also wish for cameras almost daily as I have the wonderful opportunity to explain words to second-language learners. For instance, you'll never see the word "slobber" on a vocabulary list or an SAT test, but it just might pop up in a 5th grade chapter book, presenting a wonderful opportunity to expand your vocabulary.

There was also the day when we all learned the difference between a burp and a fart - and that fart can be a noun and a verb. One student burped in the face of another who then exclaimed, "Miss! (Meeeess!) He threw a fart in my face!" For one thing, the literal translation for farting from Spanish to English becomes "throwing a fart" because in Spanish, "fart" is only a noun. On top of that, we had to distinguish that burps and farts come from different places.

I mean, really... Who says the classroom isn't real-world? I'm obviously changing lives every single day here!

Sometimes I feel like my life could be a sitcom.

And Pablo would be the main character.

But his accent is so thick, there would have to be subtitles.

I miss home...

I miss home...

I would give anything to rewind time and pay the $700 roundtrip to have been at Brook Hills on Sunday. Except that I don't have that $700 just lying around. And I don't have a time machine.

I'll move into the inner city when I come home, as long as I don't have to live there alone...

So I could use some prayer to focus on blooming where I'm planted. Luckily (and that's a little sarcastic), I'm so busy - I rarely/barely have any time to think about what I feel like I'm missing.

And I'm praying that my daddy and Mr. Keith make it safely to Colombia and soak up the 100 degree temps without running into any problems with Colombian drug people.

Feeling confident... :)

Ladies and gentlemen... Gone are the days of jumpers embroidered with ABC's and apples paired with matching socks and keds...

The look of today's teacher is much more contemporary and, might I add, cute. :)

First, the inspiration... The new shoes:

Second: The ensemble, held together by the FABULOUS skirt courtesy of one amazing cousin, the one and only Jera Lyons. (I know it's not everyone's choice of style, but I get compliments EVERY SINGLE TIME I wear it!)

And just for kicks and giggles, my newest room decor - my Scripture wall... I'm sharpening my sword for this daily battle!!!

After 4 days...

One would think that 4 days of rest would provide the necessary motivation/preparation for the subsequent return to work.

One would be mistaken.

(Sidenote: My 9th grade algebra teacher had a poster in her classroom that I will never forget. It had a cat on it as the primary image, which I did not particularly care for, and the message said, "Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken." As a self-aware fifteen year old, I realized that I was a bit of a proud know-it-all and I identified with this message... Haha!)

Tomorrow is Monday.

Ready or not, here it comes!

Now I just need to channel my inner Spongebob Squarepants - "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"

:)

There is no disconnect!

Have I mentioned that I love my home church and the things we're doing together this year? Oh right... I think I do that at least once a week.

Tonight, after listening to last Sunday's sermon on Leviticus, I am floored by how much I am learning. I have been in and around the church world for 25+ years thanks to my wonderful parents. I have been a Christ-follower for about 13 years. I have never understood the apparent disconnect between the Old Testament and the New Testament - the seemingly different characters of God in the Old Covenant and the New Covenant.

Now I am seeing it in a whole new light.

THERE IS NO DISCONNECT!

It all flows together seamlessly with so many parallels that I have missed before in reading one small section at a time and leaving out some sections (like Leviticus) altogether!

I have been told that the entire Bible, even the OT, points to Christ - but I have often struggled to see it. Now, when it's pointed out to me, it is so blatantly clear and obvious and I can't believe I missed it in the first place...

Tonight, with the help of Leviticus and Hebrews, I began to finally recognize the beautiful continuity of the Word and of my God. :)

Motivational Deficiencies

At first, when it was official that the elementary would close for Thursday and Friday, they said that the teachers would come in and work while the students stayed home. Then when the announcement was made to us at our faculty meeting after school, our director said that they had talked about it some more and had decided that they wanted us to stay home and rest.

I'm good at following directions.

Haha... Actually, I've slept so much in the last three days, and I've basically been lazy even when I wasn't sleeping.

I can't really tell if I'm just a bum or if I have really needed the rest. I've had a headache that has felt a little more like pressure than a headache off and on for the past few days. I'm thinking it's very possible that my body is feeling tempted to give me sinus problems, and so I'm more tired than usual. Or maybe I'm just lazy.

I went on today's grocery trip to the mall this morning. That's always a little bit of a longer trip so that people have time to shop in the grocery store in the mall along with the store that is exactly like Sam's Club across the street. I've never felt the need to shop in bulk for just one person - so I don't go there, and that leaves me with time to shop and/or eat in the food court. Today I bought trendy sandals that I can teach in, and then I tried Church's Chicken. The verdict? Ehh. It was only alright. While I was excited to see crinkle-cut french fries, from now on when there is a Church's on my left and a Popeye's on my right - I will choose Popeye's every single time.

So there you go. That's what I'm doing in Honduras right now. So much for ministry. Instead, I am sleeping a lot and solving great chicken debates.

Of course, I could have used these last few days to be a super-teacher. I could have graded every single paper in my classroom and planned lessons for weeks to come. I could have planned lessons for weeks to come. I could have rearranged and reorganized my entire classroom.

But I didn't... I haven't even walked up there yet. I still might go today. Maybe...

It's a lazy day in Honduras...

Well, at least, it's a lazy day for me in Honduras. I need to walk up to my classroom, but I've heard that the high school is bitter about having school when we don't, so I think I'll wait until after school instead of practically walking through the high school during the day. That would be my passive, non-confrontational side coming out - along with my absolute willingness to take one for the team and watch movies in bed all day.

Yesterday I felt like a "real" person with a "real life." Haha. We took the rapidito down the mountain to El Centro for some thrift store shopping and lunch at a cute little artsy cafe. It was fun to be away from the school and meeting up with friends for lunch.

I was definitely in a shopping mood, and I bought eleven pieces of clothing for $30!

Then I came home to a wonderful night of long conversations with friends and family along with the confirmation that my mom and Nancy are coming to visit in two weeks! The tickets have been purchased and the airplane seats have been arranged to put them together. Now I'm working on a list of requests for things they will bring to me and we're making plans for how to spend the few short days while they're here.

Finally, if anyone knows a trick for flipping fried eggs neatly, quickly, and without breaking the yolk - I could really use some tips!

Have a great day!!!

Awakened by a dream again...

This time the dream was very different and much better than last night's - although, I feel like its topic was between me and the Lord. It was nice though because it motivated me to stay awake, even at 2:30 am, for some prayer and Bible reading time...

It's a good thing I don't have school tomorrow or Friday! I guess I shouldn't be thankful for the return of the pig (swine flu), but the Lord has used it to provide my MUCH-NEEDED AND APPRECIATED break along with some time to seek Him in the quiet and stillness of night.

I am feeling an eager anticipation about the plans He has for my future and the details that He is working out, and I am excited to see what He puts together in the next few weeks and months. I love knowing that I do not have to fear or dread the uncertainty because I know it is not out of control. He has already shown His great faithfulness in my life. He sustains me and provides for me. He already knows the next steps that I will take on this path with Him, and I am trusting Him to guide me and align my desires with His plans.

"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14

"Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!" Psalm 90:17

I just woke up and I'm already exhausted...

Why?

Because I was dreaming that I was teaching a HORRIBLE class that is much worse than my own. In all reality, I wasn't teaching at all. Instead, I was frazzled and yelling and sending kids to the office when I didn't even know their names. (That certainly presents a challenge when writing an office referral.)

They were supposed to be 5th graders, but they looked and acted more like high schoolers.

Aauugghh... Not the way I want to spend my sleeping time at all!

Maybe it's because I found some teacher blogs yesterday and filled my mind with their grumbling and their stories from the classroom. It was a relief to hear others putting my own feelings and experiences into words, but you obviously have to be very careful what you put into your mind.

So after "teaching" all night, here I go for another round.

I'm ready for another vacation.

Desert Song

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

I spent my afternoon sitting on my backporch in the sun, soaking up some warmth and some rays after a long, hard day. At 3:00, I was relieved to find out that pep squad practice was cancelled. As it turns out, progress reports went home on Friday, and some of our girls are ineligible because of low grades. We'll have a meeting tomorrow with them to try to figure out where to go from here...


My day was long because of continued struggle with classroom management and student behavior along with a dull headache that refused to go away.


Is it possible for me to not be miserable because of my job?


Will it be possible to take whatever the next step will be next year without dealing with these struggles?


Whatever. At least today's over now.


Based on something that was discussed in our Esther Bible study last night, I tried today to remember to act out of my mind-set and not my mood. I'm not sure I succeeded much, but I would like to think that I gave a valient effort.