It is high-time that I write a positive, thankful, joyful post... This year (and therefore this blog) has seen its share of lows and extremely hard times. I have faced challenges this year that I never considered or anticipated. I have felt like a whiny complainer more often than not and have found my own blog to be depressing... I have thought that if I knew me, I would not want to keep coming back to read this.
So I want to take this opportunity while I have it to use this blog to rejoice...
Today has been an incredible day. It was not perfect, especially on the academic, orderly side of things, but I am more than willing to call this one a success... I have talked to and/or emailed with almost every person I love the most at some point throughout the day. I can't even express how that lifts my spirits. I also made it through a crazy morning with the students and felt rewarded with a great afternoon. In the last hour of my day, one of my hardest kids opened up and confided in me about personal things, and I was able to joke with a group of my boys as they took a bath in Polo cologne just before walking to the buses in order to "impress" the girls with their "sexiness." (I told them they were more likely to give the girls headaches!) I even had to punish two girls by taking away their recess, and they were still nice and receptive. It's a miracle!!!
God has been so active in my life and in my class this year. I know for certain that the best changes and improvements have come as He has challenged me to invest more in them personally and to trust him with the productivity. That's been hard because I know I'm being watched and judged every time someone else hears my class screaming through the wall, or walking in a clump instead of a line, or seeming out of control at the bathrooms.
But they talk to me! We laugh and joke around and they ask for my opinions and take my advice... Didn't I come here for their hearts and their souls and not their ability to walk in straight, quiet lines?
It's a hard balance... I am a missionary and also a teacher at the same time. Those two roles are very distinct and sometimes don't have the same goals. I know that I am held accountable for their growth in subjects like math and reading. I want to somehow help them to become scholars who can take responsibility for their education and find answers to their own questions. I know that their parents are very concerned about the academic foundation being built and the grades being earned along the way. I know that their future teachers want me to help them "do school" well. And at the same time, I want to be careful to make myself open to them and to treat them with patience, respect, and understanding.
I think that's the primary way that God has changed me. I've been learning (and still am) that I'm not always right. They're kids, but sometimes they know better than I do... Sometimes I don't have to jump to conclusions just because they are not exactly where I want them to be or doing what I told them to do. Sometimes I need to give them the dignity of explaining themselves and to work cooperatively with them to accomplish both of our agendas - not just my own. I think I'm getting a little bit better at listening to them and not taking it so personally when I'm not getting my way. I've just been becoming more patient with them, and while I've always felt like I related well with students, I feel growth.
As a teacher, I feel like I've learned a lot this year about really getting to know each child and seeing them individually instead of collectively as a group. Sometimes we can have great systems in place and ideas that could develop into well-oiled machines, but we're not really meeting the kid where they are or pulling them into our great plans and schemes. A great lesson-plan is nothing without the involvement of the students. I have spent more time this year than ever before considering the strengths and needs of my students and the best ways to engage them. We have to learn how to bring them into what we do so that it's less about the task and more about the person.
Okay, wow... I feel like I'm dealing with hypothesis and theory of a philosophy of education. That's funny because in college, I had to write a ridiculous number of papers on that topic, and I never felt certain about my position. I did well by regurgitating what I had learned in class and what I thought was supposed to be my philosophy of education. Maybe this year has served to radically transform and develop that in me...
Anyway... I feel like I'm chasing rabbits. I write all of this to say that I'm rejoicing because of recent improvements. I know they have come as a result of prayer, and I am greatful. It's nice to know I've reached a point where, if it continues like this, I feel like I can finish well and possibly even enjoy it along the way - at least most of the time...
No comments:
Post a Comment