Dreams...

Another week has come and gone... Three weeks of the quarter have passed. There are seven left to conquer.

Things are good. I still just wish I could be in two places at once, mostly because of things like this:

She's beautiful, and I'm so proud of her... I know that these days, a high school graduation seems pretty standard - but when you realize that life is unpredictable, I think it becomes so important to celebrate moments together for as long as you are blessed to have them.

As I pray and think about my next steps, I find myself dreaming primarily in two different directions and knowing all the while that God may be leading me toward either or neither of them...

First of all, there's the hypothetical idea of a year and a half of hard-core grad school with hopes of academic success leading to an assistantship to teach or research at a large university while pursuing a Ph.D. in education. Then the road could be paved to teach at a university or to do something else in educational leadership and the development of elementary school teachers... This is the big dream that seems completely unrealistic and a bit bigger than reality. In fact, it's like a scary throwback to the Jamey that moved five hours from home at the age of fifteen. I think that comparison is a hint that this may not be God's will... After all, He used those two years to change me and my dreams. Now I wonder if He would lead me back to hopes focusing on self and success and prestige.

(Sidenote: My all time favorite show is Gilmore Girls, and I like to identify with the main character, Rory. In the final season, as she applies for internships and jobs, she blames it all on her mom as she faces rejection. She claims that it is her mom's fault for telling her throughout her entire life that she could do anything... As I dream about things like doctoral degrees, I can definitely relate to her.)

The other dream, at this point, is equally as distant and improbable in completely different ways. It seems like it would be so nice to return to Vincent Elementary, to study for my master's part-time, to buy a house in Vincent, and to settle down there long-term. I don't want to question the Creator and Sustainer of my life, but I can't help but notice that He led me away from Vincent during one of the only years in recent history when Mrs. Miller has not needed to hire new classroom teachers. Maybe such closed doors are just as providential as open ones always seem to be...

I like that I'm open to the Lord's leadership in either direction or toward something else that He wants from me. I'm thankful that these decisions don't have to be made now. I hope and pray that I will choose wisely and follow His guidance.

And now I'm off to spend the night at Twana's and to soak up the last two months of us living in the same place for possibly the rest of our lives. :)