This visit home has been sweet to the soul... I am a very blessed girl with a wonderful, loving family and a home area that I very much enjoy. Of course, the stark contrasts between Honduras and the United States can be a bit overwhelming, and I am praying for God's grace to help me live simply without judging or condemning others in their surplus. (My desire for $100 of Old Navy tank tops further complicates things...) It's a hard balance to try to fight materialism and the temptation to be frivolous in a culture consumed by it. It very easily slips in without being noticed, like in spending almost ten dollars on food at the airport in Houston, only to throw most of it away because of the large portion size, or the almost natural tendency to get wrapped up in the rivalry of a college baseball game, when the outcome is really of no importance.
Yet there has got to be a way to live here that reflects something of higher value and continues to carefully evaluate needs vs. wants without becoming proud, judgmental, or offensive. I need grace to make that transition when the time comes and to live it well, not forgetting all I've seen, cared about, and prayed over.
I like who I am in Honduras better than who I am at home. I wonder if I can be that same girl here too...
I enjoy it here. I like my comforts. Yet, I don't want to allow those comforts to determine the course of my life. I don't want to return here just because it's easier. This year has been hard, and it's only now that I am so near to the finish that I see that it was not impossible and it did not overcome me. That, in turn, leads to the idea that it is an endeavor that could possibly be done again, which is a thought to which I have given little to no consideration because I was so focused on survival.
I definitely don't think it's wrong to teach and serve and love and invest in Honduras. At the same time, I don't think it's wrong to do those things here. I only think I will be wrong if I do not allow the experiences of this year to refine me and to impact my values and the woman I am becoming, no matter where I live or work.
These are hard decisions to make, because they could potentially shape my future and they definitely impact others. I wish I had a blinking, neon sign with arrows saying go here... Even if I return "home," I have little to no promises on what that means. However, if I knew the details, it wouldn't require my faith.
I'm just thankful to know that the Lord loves me no matter where I am, and He allows me to love others in all of these places that I call "home."
As for today, I will not attempt in vain to add more time to my life by worrying. Instead, I will trust the Lord to show me what to do, to be with me everywhere I go, and to provide all I need.
It's graduation day here in the Fork, and there are pictures to take, hugs to give, and baby sisters to celebrate... Photos to come! :)
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