I wish I had something deep and worthwhile to share...

It’s probably really hard to be friends with me. More often than not, I’m not really into spending all day, every day hanging out. Sometimes my idea of a perfect Friday night does involve something like pizza and a movie – but it doesn’t necessarily involve another person. (I know. I’m super weird.) In fact, I’ve been in full-on hermit-mode this weekend.

I tend to think of myself as an extroverted introvert. I am capable of showing some extroverted characteristics. Every once in a great while, I find some social skills deep within me – but most of the time, I’m most content by myself.

This can make teaching particularly exhausting. I’ve talked with some other introverted teachers, and we’ve found common ground in discussing how exhausting it can be, when you get energy from alone time, to spend all-day, everyday being pulled in 22ish directions.

So maybe that’s what kills the social life of my weekend. By the end of the week, I just want to close my door, put in my earphones, and stare at a book, a tv, or a computer screen.

And that’s exactly what I’ve done for the vast majority of my waking hours in the last two days.

I’ve loved every minute of it.

And yet – here I go again. Tomorrow is Monday. Boo Monday. I’m pretty sure it’s always the hardest day of our week. But it’s like the poster that hangs in my classroom… “Just because something is difficult doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. It just means you should try harder.” It sounds good in theory. But maybe I’ll also pray for God to put some divine Prozac into my spirit and my countenance.

I’m feeling particularly girly and even worldly and materialistic today. I’ve been indulging myself in my new obsession with Diet Coke (who knew?!?! Now the question is – do I really like Diet Coke, or is it the Honduran version that gets me every time?) and browsing websites to look at clothes, shoes, purses, and bedding that I could never afford. I’m glad that on days like today, I don’t even have the option to spend my money on these things. Thank You, God, for putting me in Honduras. =)

I’ve also spent a lot of time finding people’s blogs today. I’m starting to think that blogs are tremendously better than even Facebook. Of course, it might be even better if I would spend more time with this laptop closed, but for now I plead the fifth on that.

I’m thoroughly enjoying listening to podcasts of Matt Chandler coming out of The Village Church in Texas. As far as the theology and focus is concerned, he’s right on track with Platt – but his speaking style is much more Gilmore Girls-style with fast talking and quick wit. All the while, he’s still leading his church and preaching almost every Sunday while dealing with a brain tumor. God is so good. I say that, not because he’s having to face cancer, but because God is faithful no matter what.

You can read about it here...

And I’m excited to discover that some of the pastors that I respect the most seem to preach with the English Standard Bible. Have I ever mentioned that I like being right? Not that the NIV or NASB or even The Living Bible are wrong – but I view this as another vote of confidence in the reliability of the ESV.

Post #3 in one day. I'm sorry for being obnoxious.

"One person called it 'The Joseph Question: God, what in the world are you doing with my life???'"

"We are not the center of God's universe. He's working in 6.8 billion lives. That doesn't mean He is not intimately involved in the details of our lives - He is... in every single one of them. But it does mean that when we ask the question, 'God, what are you doing in my life?' the answer actually may be about what He is doing in someone else's life, and what He is doing in your life or my life may not be ultimately for us as an end in and of itself, but it may actually be for who knows who else's or how many other people's lives." - David Platt

Unforgettable

The boys in this picture have definitely become an unforgettable part of my year in Honduras... Any teacher understands that while you may grow to love your entire class as you serve them for a year, there will always be those who stand out and who you will remember for the rest of your life - maybe for good, for bad, or both... They may not even know, but they grab onto your heart and may never let go - even if you don't see them anymore.

First, there was Nyah and Dalton...

Then there were many in a class absolutely hand-picked by God. Chaney, Ambran, Jasmine... Chris... Tim...

Last year there were Deandre and Brooke... Saylor...

This year, there will be a few, and somewhere in that list will be the names Pablo and Eduardo.

Pablo, on the left, has been the center of attention in many of my classroom stories and through many of our days together in class, whether I liked it or not. Pablo and I have developed a bit of a love-hate relationship, and I mean that in the nicest ways possible... I love him and think that he is a one-of-a-kind kid. He goes through seasons of being funny and easy to appreciate and then sometimes he becomes rebellious and extra-impulsive. He's a funny kid though, and I just may always think of him when I see anything related to the Peanuts cartoons, because that has been his newest obsession for the last two or three months or so.

Pablo is a great kid that I'm honored to know, but the real reason for this post is the other boy in the picture.

Eduardo.

At the beginning of the year, there were definitely days when I thought that my class would be almost perfect if only I could get rid of him. He walked into my classroom on the first morning of school without even acknowledging me in the doorway and then raised up both of his arms into some sort of dramatically presented entrance as if to say, "What's up? I'm here..." His attitude was cocky, oppositional, and often just defiant. He looked at me with hatred and often refused to do anything. I honestly had to pray that God would help me to love him...

And you know what? God answers prayer.

I was overwhelmed with emotion a few days ago as I watched him play soccer at recess because I realized just how much I've come to love him... He's still not perfect by any means - but he's usually not defiant anymore. Lazy, yes. Oppositional, no. We've developed a wonderful relationship that involves a lot of sarcasm and smiling... Somewhere deep down, underneath his tough-guy exterior, I've glimpsed compassion for others. I almost cried one day as I watched him sacrifice some of his own very valuable recess time to make sure another kid was okay and to help him to the nurse... And he didn't just do this for one of his friends in the cool crowd. He helped a kid that I've heard him tease before.

Praise the Lord for the encouragement that I feel from realizing these changes, and I pray that they are taking deep roots in his life so that they are never pulled up...

I just woke up... again.

Yesterday was report card day and the opportunity for any necessary parent-teacher conferences. Only three parents came to see me. I'm tempted to wonder if they means I'm doing such a good job that they just trust me and already feel informed, or if this is more of a sign of a lack of involvement that could potentially explain a lot about this class... It was nice though to stand there speaking to the dad of the girl that has given me fits lately and to realize that he's her daddy. He loves her like my daddy loves me and Logan. He wants to know what is going on in her life and to try to do what is best for her because he loves her and wants her present to be a wonderful foundation for her future... I'm not always a huge fan of the pressure that comes from parental involvement, but it's so nice to be reminded that the kids are not only a reflection on me (as I sometimes feel) but that each one reflects some other people too, and hopefully those people care and love them a lot.

This morning, I went back to the market for the first time since early December. My wonderful market friend was there, and today was the best day yet because Erika was marketing with me and was able to translate! Did I humble myself enough to double-check her name? Of course not. But Juanita (?) was as loving and welcoming as ever. She's like a grandmother. She definitely told me that it had been too long since I had come to see her... Erika said she comes from pretty far away, and that she's been having a tough time with the cold snaps that have come through lately. It was such a blessing to support her and to buy her potatoes, cucumbers, carrots, cabbage, and some unidentified thing (Erika's) before shopping at any of the other stands. :)

I was feeling exhausted when we got back, so I put some groceries away, ate lunch, and took a very long nap. Unfortunately, it was one of those naps that leaves you feeling like you've been run over by a Mack truck. I wonder if I'll be dizzy for the rest of the day... Maybe I'll feel better if I drink one of the Diet Mountain Dews that I was blessed to find at the grocery store this morning!!!

Speaking of saying, "run over by a Mack truck," today I was mocked for saying, "have your picture made" as opposed to having it "taken." I proceeded to argue that to be taken, it must exist already. However, a picture is created, and therefore it is made. Crazy Yankees...

Erika is with her family in the city. Kerry is chaperoning the school spelling bee trip to San Pedro Sula, and Stacey is with her boyfriend. I have the whole place to myself - and it's a good day for it. Perhaps I'll continue being a hermit for the rest of the day, listening to the Brook Hills sermon, watching movies and Gilmore Girls, and planning science units on sound, light, and Newton's Laws. Oh yes - this life in Honduras is just that glamorous...

I'm also reading a new book that my dad got me for Christmas called Stones Into Schools about a man who has helped to start lots of schools all over Afghanistan and Pakistan while emphasizing the importance of girls' education and providing lots of opportunities for them that have been prohibited in the past by the leaders of their culture. At one point in the introduction, he talked about visiting a village and discovering over 80 children gathered together outside, without even a teacher, writing things in the dirt because they didn't have anything else to write with. They were desperate for a school in their village. It's unbelievable to think of how educational opportunities can be so unappreciated and taken for granted. I'm intrigued to continue the book, although it makes me sad that this particular work is being done by the world and not the church. As I read the girls quotes about how Allah has taught them patience as they waited for a chance to study, I'm saddened. Sometimes it seems like it would be nice if the Lord would just go ahead and take us all home where there will be no more deception, suffering, or temptation to fight. But even though I may feel ready, it's the girls like these that aren't - and aren't they worth waiting for?

I have a couple of friends serving over there. I'm so excited whenever I get to hear all about their experiences. They're the real deal, for sure.

I talked to a friend yesterday that says I need to just come home - "like yesterday..." She was joking (I think), but we said I could come home, she could quit her job, we could live in her house until it sells and just play all the time, and then we could move into Charli's one-bedroom apartment and get part-time jobs at a place called Pump-It-Up. She said by that point, we would have come full-circle. Haha. It was exciting to me to realize that I am okay with jokes like that, but I don't need them to actually happen. I'm doing fine, and I'm thankful to the Lord who sustains me.

Besides... February is short with a few random events like the huge Relampago soccer tournament (during school! Talk about chaos!) on Friday. Then Semana Santa (Spring Break) is at the end of March. Much of April is filled up with standardized testing, and then my mom might come! (Insert shouts of joy here...) I'm still hoping to make a trip home in May (and I think everyone needs to be on my side and help me convince my parents that it is a good idea and very important that I be at my sister's graduation...), and then we're done in June. After that, we'll see what happens. I have dreams of travels with friends in July - but I'm starting to wonder where that money will come from. Plus, I'm still hoping and planning to take my sister gallivanting around Texas to celebrate her huge accomplishments! (Even if she is planning to be a crazy JSU gamecock...) haha

A Day Off = A Workday

I am my father in female form.

This statement is true on many, many levels. Today it is true because I had a day off, and I used it as a workday.

As of today, Honduras officially has a newly inaugurated president. His first task as president? Personally escorting Zelaya (the old president) from his hideout at the Brazillian embassy to the airport to put him on a plane to the Dominican Republic.

And, of course, Zelaya's last words before boarding the plane? "We'll be back!"

It sounds so ominous.

I hope his second presidential task will be to send out troops all over the city armed with rollers, brushes, and paint with the goal of getting rid of all the graffiti that has apparently appeared in the last year.

The interim president attended a special mass this morning before handing over the office. Apparently the televised activities of the day were all full of prayers, Scripture, and mentions of faith, and the man stepping down made a grand statement that he hopes that all leaders of Honduras from this day forward will hold the Bible in one hand and the constitution in the other.

I told Erika that her country is becoming more Christian than mine.

So anyway... Thanks to all of this pageantry and the threats of protests and demonstrations, we got another day off of school - a MUCH APPRECIATED day off of school. However, I spent much of it working in my classroom and then continuing to work at home. In fact, I invested a bit more than my standard ten minutes on next week's lesson plans, and I am thrilled with the result of my efforts. These are probably the best lesson plans I've written all year. Now I just have to stick to them...

Perhaps all this work has made me hungry. I'm pretty sure I've consumed more than 4,000 calories today. Blech. Most frustratingly, I've been craving home food. I think it started when I indulged in some country music streaming from a Birmingham radio station while working in my classroom. The next thing I knew, I could practically smell the bar-b-que, sweet iced tea, McDonald's french fries, CHICK-FIL-A, etc. In an effort to satisfy my cravings, I cooked the only things in my possession that shared a little resemblance to these items of my longings. I baked frozen chicken nuggets, frozen french fries, and frozen mozzarella sticks. More specifically, I baked the grossest variety of these frozen items that I may have ever had.

Sigh.

I'm not thrilled about returning to school tomorrow, but it's Day 4 again (yay for lots of breaks and little instructional time) and then Friday is another half-day. Perhaps survival of the month of January is already guaranteed. Yesterday was MUCH better than Monday because, instead of Miss Benton, the wicked witch of the west showed up to teach for the day. We had a silent day in which students were not allowed to speak without permission. A little over the top? Yes. Unrealistic for everyday with 10 and 11-year-olds? Of course. Exhausting for a teacher to monitor and consistently enforce? Absolutely. But at least for one day, I attempted to (successfully?) reestablish the classroom control and authority as that belonging to the teacher and not the students. It was nice. It was like a flashback to home. At the end of the day, I told them that their behavior looked exactly like what would be expected of them at a school in the States and that I had no idea how they had ever gotten away with anything less...

And the final topic of the post... growing up. As it turns out, while I'm merely growing older behind the gates of this campus, many of my friends all over the United States are actually growing up. They're getting engaged, getting married, finding out they're pregnant, and going into labor all around my facebook world.

Really???

It's ironic, really...

(Sorry for writing twice in one night...)

In our church's year-long Bible reading plan, we just finished Genesis. We're reading in somewhat of a chronological order, so we're actually not jumping into Exodus next.

We're studying Job.

This is just a little bit scary to me because in the summer of 2005, I was full of self-pity one Sunday night, so I climbed up on my bunk bed at camp and decided to read Job before I went to sleep. Then a friend needed me to climb down and help her, and my climb down quickly turned into a fall and I shattered my arm.

I was reading Job and asking God why He was allowing me to suffer - and let me tell you... I wasn't suffering.

So what about now? Is this really suffering? Or is it just pouting?

I wish I could copy and paste from the commentary/reading guide that we're using, but we've been told that we're not allowed to share or reproduce it, so I'll paraphrase. I hope that's okay.

He compared Job's suffering with that of Joseph and highlighted the fact that Joseph's suffering served a very specific purpose. On the contrary, a reason was never really given for Job's trials. He said it helps us to think about times in our lives when it's just suffering for the sake of suffering... When our suffering seems meaningless. Then he encourages those who are suffering to pray and to commit to trust the Lord through it all, and he tells those who aren't suffering at this time to pray for someone who is.

Sometimes I feel like my mom is a bit prophetic. As I prepared to come down here, she told me repeatedly that it would be hard, but she compared it to my high school experience and other things over the course of my life and said she had no doubt that I could stick it out. I'm pretty sure that we all thought she meant it would be hard to be away from home and family or that it would be hard to be in another country. (Those things are true but aren't the worst...) I never even considered that my teaching experience would become such a trial.

It's funny though. I remember having teachers at Locust Fork who, when we would complain about a headache or a sore throat or something, would offer to stomp our toes to make us forget about the other pain.

This is becoming a bit like that. Three weeks ago, I was sad that I wasn't in Alabama. Today - I'm content in that area. But maybe it's just because my class spent the day stomping on my toes... :)

It's only 8:10 - and I'm going to bed. I'll try again tomorrow.

His mercies are new every morning, right? Right.

Why?

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

Today was awful.

I cried.

I fought back the tears while in the presence of my students, and then when they got on their buses, I couldn't hold them in anymore.

And why did I cry?

Because I'm tired of fighting them.

I'm tired of feeling strong and prepared on the weekends as I pray desperately for strength and miracles and wisdom and patience, only to run smack into Monday and to feel like a failure.

I'm tired of the power that ten and eleven-year-olds have to ruin my day and to make be doubt myself, my callings, and my abilities.

All I can figure out is that God is trying to teach me about perseverance and endurance...

But I'm a bad student to Him just as they can be to me.

In our Bible study last night, Beth Moore quoted 1 Corinthians 1:26-31.

26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

She talked about all the circumstances in which we "are not."

I am not strong enough for this.

I am not a good enough teacher for this.

I am not patient enough with my students.

But He chooses the things that are not. And He does it so that when it's all said and done, all we can do is say that He got us through it - because we did not have it under control.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better. Then school is cancelled on Wednesday because of the presidential inauguration and the demonstrations that are bound to take place all over the city. Thursday is a Day 4 - my easy day... Then we have a half-day on Friday.

I can do this...

I can do this...

Abundantly blessed

Tonight I am writing from my king-size bed at the Intercontinental Hotel in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. It brings tears to my eyes to realize how abundantly blessed that I am. Today was the last day of our second quarter, and that means we are half-way through the school year. In order to celebrate, rest, relax, and prepare for the next two quarters, I am taking my very own weekend retreat!

It's so nice to have so many of the comforts that we dont have at Pinares such as a large bed, air-conditioning, a large flat-screen tv, hot water that doesn't have to come out of a widow-maker, and a bathtub!!! Sometimes we take these things for granted at home, but I hope that I never do again. At the same time, it's nice to know that I am just fine without them.

Most importantly, I have come here by myself for refreshed independence and time with the Lord in His Word and in journaling my prayers. I hope and pray that this is a weekend of refreshment and revelation.

Here are a few pictures that I took when I entered my room and squealed with delight this evening... I even Skype-called my mom a little bit ago and said, "Can't I stay here until June?!?!" I mean, isn't there some sort of hotel-ministry that I could do??? :)

I think that bathtub is calling my name! I'll write again soon when I return to the land of grades, lesson plans, classroom discipline, and REPORT CARDS...

Adios!

I crave the drama...

So I'm realizing more and more that I apparently crave drama. I don't think I know how to live life without it anymore. In friendships, in relationships, in decisions (and indecision) about the future - I don't just always have drama. I think I create it.

So maybe today is the day.

Today is the day to make a change.

Do I know what will happen next year? No. And it's time to admit that and stop making predictions.

It's time to be more careful with other people.

It's time to grow up and cut out the drama.

In other news, I may be "coaching" a new cheerleading squad/pep club that they're starting in the high school. Haha... Getting involved in cheerleading again. That doesn't sound like a good start to cutting out drama!

LOOK! :)

I made the Brook Hills website! :)

And it's just in time too. These kids are in rare form, even for them...

Oh, Day 3...

Our school has this weird schedule that we follow based on Days 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 instead of just Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Today is Day 3. Day 3 is my least favorite day of the entire week, because as you can see, my main break occurs from 7:45-8:15. At this hour, I have little to no desire to do anything productive in the way of teacher responsibilities. No one wants to grade papers or plan lessons at 7:45 in the morning! Of course, Day 3 is followed by my favorite day... Day 4! Lots of breaks and times of productivity occur on Day 4. :)

So here I am. My kids are at PE, and I am blogging. :)

I've really questioned throughout this journey why God would show me the poor side of Honduras and help me to love them and then send me to the wealthiest side. But who am I to judge who knows Him or needs Him and where He wants me?

In the Passport class that I taught at Brook Hills last year, we talked about a multiplication Gospel instead of an addition Gospel. If each person invests in a small group, and each of those in turn invest in a small group, and so on - the the Gospel spreads much more rapidly than if we all just pour into one.

So this year, my "small group" is composed of 22 fifth graders who have way more potential than I do to help the spiritually and physically poor of Honduras. Perhaps if I, and the other teachers here, share our hearts with them, God will lead them (at least some of them) toward making a tremendous difference in the future.

I feel like I'm finally getting it. :)

Please pray for the other new fifth grade teacher, Kirsten Lundgren. She is a first-year teacher who was given what is probably the worst class in the entire elementary school. I know that being here has been a struggle for her, and each day feels like a losing battle. Please pray that God will give her strength to persevere and change her students' hearts, words, and actions.

Weekend happenings...

I love the weekends...

Friday night, I felt like a normal person. I felt like I had a life for the first time in about a week... A group of us went down the mountain right after school to go to dinner at a nice-ish Italian restaurant. The food, the company, and the conversations were enjoyable. Then we went bowling, where I proceeded to give a less than mediocre performance. Nonetheless, I enjoyed myself and the freedom of my youth. :)

Yesterday, I skipped the 6:30am market run and opted to sleep in a little bit. The weather has been really gorgeous this weekend, so Sarah and I went for a walk before going into the city for lunch and to check out a gym that we're thinking of joining. With all that walking around in a tank top, my shoulders were left feeling a little crisp - in January!!!

At 2:30, we met up with some people in El Centro and went to volunteer at the feeding center. We drove through Comayaguela and over some really rough "dirt roads" until we got to the center. Even though I live in Honduras, sometimes it can be shocking when I come face-to-face with poverty and poor living conditions. I was thrilled though when the kids saw us walking up the road and came running to greet and hug us! I actually had a really bad headache while we were there, and I was intimidated by by lacking knowledge of Spanish, but otherwise - I really enjoyed it. I'm supposed to start going there every other Saturday, so I wanted to take a few pictures to share with everyone. I'll include those on the end of this post...

Today was church at Impacto and lots of lazy time watching TV.

The last two weeks feel like they have gone by pretty quickly, and I'm feeling better physically and emotionally. I know that God is answering the prayers that are being lifted on my behalf, and I'm thankful.

I have so much to learn.

One of the high school counselors is reading the book Forgotten God by Francis Chan, and I'm going to borrow it when she is finished. Last night, she posted a couple of quotes on her blog that really got all over my toes... I'll leave you with those and the pictures.

- when you so casually say you were "called to a place" what do you mean? what would that place look like if you weren't there? what would the church look like if everyone gave and served and loved like you do... would it be healthy?

- God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it's absolutely vital to grasp that He didn't call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace.

See? I told you I met the president...

El Presidente

I was sitting at the very large table in the back of my classroom reading a book with a small group of students and attempting to monitor the behavior of the rest of the class when I heard a commotion outside of my classroom. Children were running and screaming (which is actually nothing new for our fifth grade classes...) and being quite disruptive. Then I heard them scream the reason for their excitement. It came out in one very unexpected word.

"Micheletti!!!"

"What or who is a 'Micheletti'?" you ask?

Oh, that's right. He's the current president of Honduras.

When they arrested their president for violating the constitution, and kicked him out of the country in his pajamas in the middle of the night last June, this is the man that was sworn into office just hours later...

This is the same man who stood up against the Organization of American States and pressure from the Obama administration to step down and reinstate the ex-president.

This man is now a huge part of Honduran history.

And he came to our school today.

One of our third graders has a parent who is some sort of government official. This parent arranged a field trip for the third grade class to visit the presidential palace. They visited this Honduran equivalent of the White House yesterday, but the president was not there. How did he make it up to the kids? By visiting them at school the next day, of course!

At first I didn't believe it, but when I saw the guards and men in full military uniform standing around strategically, I realized that the screams and cheers were justified.

As could be expected, my students were hard to contain after hearing that the president was somewhere nearby. They all darted for the door when I told them to line up for PE. Of course, being the mean teacher that I am, I sent them all back to their seats to "try again" to walk to form a line. Along with that, I tried to impress upon them the proper behavior that should be shown to a person in a position of importance. I attempted to remind them that silliness and hyperactivity were not the best way to greet a president, and I even threw in, "Don't embarrass your parents!"

While they were in PE, I went with Erika to basically become one of those annoying onlookers who stand around the outskirts of a frenzy and just watch it all happen. At that point, he was in the third and fourth grade building signing autographs and taking pictures with kids and teachers. All of our administrators were there, looking overjoyed. They knew he was coming all along. They just didn't tell the teachers!

Because of the wild popularity of the idea of meeting the president, they arranged for him to walk around the school visiting classes and taking pictures with students. I feel like he shook the hand of, kissed the head of, or patted the back of half of the elementary students at Pinares today. It was obvious that it turned into a publicity event, but it was exciting for the students to meet someone that they called a "national hero" before he hands the office over to the newly elected president.

Our entire grade was arranged in picture formation outside as he finished in the kindergarten building and approached our end of the campus. (I secretly and sometimes not so secretly enjoy seeing others deal with and struggle with our students. It reminds me that it's not just me...) The students cheered wildly as he rounded the corner and came toward our group. He greeted everyone and shook my hand. Then he lead the children in cheering "Viva Honduras!" and he climbed into the middle of our group for the photo-op. He requested that the teachers also step into the center of the group to stand with him. That was awkward because the students were packed together so tightly. As the people with cameras stepped back to prepare to take the pictures, I assume that someone told the kids to my left to scoot in more. All I know is about fifteen kids got pushed closer to the center, and I (being the same size as a typical fifth grader) also got bumped and had to catch myself from falling literally right in front of the president. He said, "Be careful."

I didn't have my camera with me today, but I will try to get copies to share...

After the pictures had been taken, and after he shook my hand again and kissed me on the cheek (the traditional Honduran greeting) our students started swarming around him to hug him or shake his hand - anything to touch the president, and I went into bodyguard mode, pulling them off one kid at a time saying, "Go! Go upstairs! Leave him alone..."

Of course, with a class that is often uncontrollable on a regular day, there was no hope of getting them to re-enter the classrooms and return to their desks. The entire grade lined up along the railing of the second story of our building where our classrooms are located and proceeded to cheer the entire time that Micheletti took pictures with the sixth grade class on the blacktop down below. At one point, Kirsten and I were just shrugging our shoulders and smiling at each other when some of the kids from her class started yelling a Spanish word down the line to the other students. Neither Kirsten, nor I, had any idea what they were saying until we saw it in action... Essentially it was,

"THE WAVE!"

Yes. That's right. The fifth grade did the wave in honor of the president.

And then they sang the national anthem. Many of them don't actually know the words yet (because it's sooo long) but they sang with gusto.

And what did he do?

He looked up, waved, and put his hand over his heart as they sang...

It pretty much made their day.

It also provided a wonderful teachable moment to talk about famous people and the temptation to idolize them... Our class had a good discussion about the acknowledgement that it was a huge event to meet and touch a man who has made so much history in Honduras this year but to remember that he is just a man... It would even be okay to wash our hands again after touching him... :) Then we reflected on our hypothetical reaction if Jesus came to school tomorrow. Would we scream and cheer and dance? Would we rush to touch Him? Would we sing for Him and do the wave?

Just some questions to ponder in fifth grade... :)

And today makes three...

Today is our third cold morning in a row, but I've finally gotten smart. I brought my heater fan from my apartment! After all, it's small enough to fit into my backpack, and it feels great blowing on my feet when I'm sitting at my desk. The door and windows are closed (or at least, as "closed" as they get here with this style of window), but I still don't think this heater has anything on this room. Poor kids... Maybe the sun will come out and it will warm up quickly today.

I had a weird dream last night about being at "home", but it was the people that made it home - not the place. My parents were helping me figure out which car to drive to go somewhere with my sister and two other people, and we ended up taking the car that I had when I was 16. I remember my sister getting really mad at me at one point (Yep! Just like home!!!), and I also remember passing a lot of Party City's (Party Cities?) and saying, "Wow. This culture must like to party! We have Party City in Honduras too..." (We don't...) I don't know... I have no explanation. But last night, I was with my mom, dad, and sister - and I didn't want to wake up. :)

Today, one of the PE teachers is starting 5th and 6th grade intermural soccer during recess. 5A kicks it off playing against us (5B) and then 6A will play 6B. This is the talk of the school, and it's nice because we (the teachers) get to choose who is eligible to play based on behavior, turning in assignments, etc. This is really working out in my favor, and I hope it will motivate some of them to be more responsible...

Okay... I need to go. We're about to start division with two-digit divisors for the first time in their lives. It's a big day in 5th grade!

Hello and welcome to Monday...

I know... I KNOW. I have no right to complain about the cold here in comparison to the temperatures in the States right now. [Do you feel it coming? That key transitional word like "but" or "however"??? Yep. It's on the way.]

However...

51 degrees in Honduras is downright chilly. It's enough to make your hands numb and your nose red - even inside the classroom because, oh that's right, the temperature outside is the temperature inside!

Welcome to the land of no heat, no insulation, tile floors, and only cold water at the sink...

So this is what I looked like at school today (although I'm not sure why I'm not wearing my gloves in the picture...) I greeted many people with this image this morning via email and facebook...

One of my students said I looked like a Sumo wrestler. You think he was calling me fat? Yeah - probably. But whatever. Fifth graders are dumb. Haha...

Behaviorally, today was a little rough in 5B. From what I hear, that statement is true for the whole grade. But like always, good or bad, 3:00 came around and I rejoiced... (Have I mentioned that I love leaving school at 2:55 and being in my bedroom by 3:00?) I snuggled up in my bed next to my little heater fan and read the Southern Living that I brought back. (Yes, that's right. I'm secretly 47, and Southern Living is my favorite magazine.) Then I actually fell asleep for a little while before taking a hot shower and calling my mom.

This week, in the radical experiment, our church is praying for Africa. Today specifically, we are praying for the war-torn areas... Talk about a dose of reality about suffering and complaining as I sit here on my bed eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch that I brought from home, enjoying the warmth of this cheap little heater fan, and watching Friends. It may take all year here for me to learn and to grow, but I certainly hope that I do...

Boasting in my weakness...

It's been a rough week in quite a few ways. As for the crazy sickness around mid-week, I thought I was recovering well until today when I started feeling sick again. There is a possibility that I will try to go to the doctor soon just because someone threw out the word "parasite" a few days ago and kinda' freaked me out. It's scary to think of going to the doctor here just because I don't have any idea where to start with that. I don't know where to go, and I'll have to take someone with me to translate. Then I have to figure out this crazy Honduran insurance and all the forms that have to be done just right to get reimbursed. Ugh - I would love for the Pepto Bismol to kick in and take care of all of it to save me from uncertainty and sub plans.

My emotions have been pretty raw and my tears have been easily triggered this week, and it's definitely become part of a vicious cycle. As upset emotions grow in longing for another life, guilt grows for being weak and discontent.

In the last few days, bits and pieces of many verses have repeatedly come to mind. I looked a lot of them up this morning and was shocked to find some other important messages in their surrounding contexts that freshly convicted my heart:

"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:37-39

"Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life? Or what shall a man give in return for his life? For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done." Matthew 16:24-27

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

"But on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses... But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:5b, 9-10

Any of you who know me very well already know that I do not like to be weak. I do not like to be bad at what I do. Most of the time, if I know that I will not be really good at something, then I will refuse to do it at all. I'm sure it's just another aspect of my issues with pride. So in realizing that part of me is holding onto life at home and wanting to be a quitter and just go after my own desires, it's tempting to just keep it all to myself so that none of you see how weak I truly am. However, I can also be pretty much honest to a fault - so holding it all in isn't really an option either. On the bright side, I know that my honesty about my weaknesses in dedication will only point to the faithfulness of my Father as He sustains me and gives me strength to finish His tasks in the next five and a half months.

I feel like any strength that I did have to hold me here by my own will has run out. Yet, I know that's good because He's all I can cling to in those moments, and His strength is infinite...

During the Lord's supper this morning, as I was reflecting on Christ's sacrifice for us, I realized how small these short months truly are in comparison... My righteousness is as filthy rags...

I know that many people are praying for me and fighting for me, and I am so thankful... I have faith that He hears all of them and is working in me to increase my faith and give me strength and peace.

In other news, the weather here has gotten a little crazy. I've noticed a pattern this year that pretty much means a cold front on this mountain equals crazy amounts and gusts of wind. Weather.com says that the wind in Tegus is at 28 mph with gusts at 36, and I'm tempted to believe that the gusts are even stronger here because the city is actually a bit like a bowl surrounded by mountains all the way around. Weather here at the school is commonly different than that in the actual city, so I feel like we just never actually know if those predictions and reports include us or not.

Besides just missing my family and friends intensely, one of my biggest struggles this week has been the fact that my crazy, busy holiday schedule of traveling and visiting with family and friends came to a halt on Monday night as I returned to this life of school and home and little else. There is a drastic contrast between my social life at home (which I once considered to be completely lacking) and life here inside these gates. This weekend has been a little better because we've all made intentional efforts to spend time together by playing games, cooking, and watching movies. I even got off the mountain three times: for grocery shopping, for a pedicure, and for church.

Please pray for all of our teachers. Many are struggling with the same things as me...

I'm praying that I will be able to hang in there despite these stomach ailments because we're starting a girls' Bible study tonight... A bunch of us are going to start getting together every two weeks to go through the beloved Esther study, and I'm really excited. Of course, since the videos are all on my computer and I was the one who organized all of it, I really don't want to have to miss out!

Okay... I'm obviously not going to feel much more comfortable anytime soon, so I need to just suck it up and clean my room/walk up to my classroom anyway.

I covet your prayers for my health!

Just searching for someone to talk to...

I just can't leave that sickness post up as the first one on the page for very long... Frankly, it's depressing and kinda' gross.

I'm feeling stir-crazy after a very LONG day in bed. I could definitely go for some good conversation if only I had the energy and mental clarity to hold up my end of that bargain.

I was finally able to get comfortable enough to sleep for a little while this afternoon, and that was a huge blessing. I took some Tylenol and that really helped with my headache and fever. Now I'm seriously debating having a few Wheat Thins. I'm guessing I need to see if I can hold food down before I commit to a day at work tomorrow.

I'm a little sad about the way this has impacted me mentally and emotionally. I'm really trying to be positive about being here and teaching, and yet the last 24 hours have just made me wish for home more than anything else. After all, you're supposed to be at home with your mom taking care of you when you're sick, right? I'm not at all excited about a return to school tomorrow, and I'm sad that I'm missing a perfectly good Alabama snow day!

Self diagnosis...

What are the Symptoms of Food Poisoning
Food poisoning will usually occur within a few minutes to about 8 hours after you have ingested the culprit food. The symptoms could include one or more of the following.

--Abdominal cramps
--Nausea
--Vomiting
--Sudden and severe diarrhea
--Sudden unexplained fever usually accompanied by some other symptom
--Aching muscles
--Feeling very weak and tired for no apparent reason
--Severe headache

Yep. You might as well place a check mark next to all of those symptoms. I'm hoping the most severe of them have passed because I haven't thrown up since 4:00am. Unfortunately, such a horrendous night has left me feeling exhausted, achy, cold, and miserable... I know I need a shower, but 60* temperatures outside = 60* temperatures in our bathroom and that sounds like the worst idea ever. All I want to do is close my door, turn on my heater fan, and burrow down into the blankets on my bed.

So now the question becomes, to eat or not to eat? I've had lots of water, some Tang, and a friend of mine brought me Gatorade to sip on. However, the thought of food kind of makes me want to cry.

I hate that I essentially gave it to myself. I guess I won't be eating chicken again anytime soon...

So now the question about tomorrow looms in my head. I have no idea who ended up with my class today, and I'm wondering if I will have the strength and stamina to return tomorrow. Seeing as how standing up makes me dizzy now, I'm not feeling very confident. However, I'm trying to figure out the lesser of the two evils: being sick at work with these crazy children or trying to figure out another day of sub plans...

Update: I just read online (really - who needs doctors anyway? especially Spanish speaking ones in a strange country...) that you should avoid anything but liquids for at least two days. I guess that may answer the question about food. :)

Statement of Purpose

Tonight I had to write my "statement of purpose" to complete my part of the application to grad school at Alabama... Here's what came out. We'll see what the Lord does or does not do with it... :)

Oh, and if you find any errors, typos, or mistakes - please don't tell me. I've already submitted it and can no longer edit or revise. I would just rather not know. Thanks!

Jamey Benton – Statement of Purpose

I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. I loved school from the very beginning and idolized the beautiful women who impacted my life on a daily basis throughout my elementary career. In my spare time, I would force my little sister to sit in a row with my dolls for “class” in my bedroom. I transferred to the Alabama School of Mathematics and Science for eleventh and twelfth grade, and it was the first time that my life was completely void of children. My longing for that missing element served as confirmation for my path toward a Department of Education.

I did everything right. I got accepted to the University of Montevallo and was awarded a good scholarship. I excelled in my classes. I impressed my cooperating teachers during practicums and student teaching. I got an excellent score on the Praxis and secured a teaching job before I ever even graduated. I was always supposed to be a teacher, but perhaps that’s not all I was supposed to be.

My life and the lives of my family members were changed significantly on April 24, 2006 when that same little sister who once sat under my “teaching” was admitted to Children’s Hospital and diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL). Though her diagnosis was somewhat favorable because of its status as the most common and the most thoroughly researched type of leukemia, she was facing at least two and a half years of chemotherapy treatment. During that time, I was on the outside looking in and falling in love with Children’s Hospital.

Student teaching and my first classroom kept me heavily occupied, and as the older sister who had already moved away from home, I was spared from the worst scenes of her battle. I accompanied her to Clinic Eight for treatment whenever possible. Unfortunately, those opportunities seemed to come few and far between. Even still, through my visits with her and due in part to the fundraiser that I organized to benefit some of the cancer patients at Children’s during the Christmas season in 2007, I observed some incredible servants who had positively impacted my sister’s life. They were called Child Life Specialists.

For almost four years, I have dreamed of becoming a Child Life Specialist at Children’s Hospital in Birmingham, Alabama. As I walked through the halls of that hospital on the most recent Christmas Eve, working alongside these helpful hospital employees and the families of former patients to deliver Christmas dinner to those missing their homes and families during the holiday, I decided to apply to make my dream a reality.

As I researched master’s degrees in Child Life on the website for the Child Life Council, I discovered that one of the only graduate programs in this field is located in my home state. I must confess that I am an Auburn fan and found it ironic that my hopes for a career in this area could lead me to the University of Alabama. However, I know that a good education at a well-respected university and preparation for the career that I feel called to do is much more valuable than an athletic rivalry.

I believe that I possess many strengths that will enable me to be a valuable addition to the Department of Human Development and Family Studies, and these abilities will ultimately help me to be an excellent Child Life Specialist. As a student, I am dedicated and self-motivated for success. I have always valued learning and I believe that I will appreciate it even more now after gaining some maturity and work experience that have shown me that education is not only about a good GPA. It truly is preparation for the future. I enjoy writing and seeking to improve myself and my talents. I only wish that my undergraduate background at Montevallo had exposed me to the experience of doing more research.

I am an excellent candidate for a career in Child Life because I love children of all ages and enjoy supporting them and building relationships with them. I believe that my experience as a teacher has taught me a lot about professionalism and responsibility and that I will be even more effective in the lives of kids in a one-on-one or small group environment as opposed to the large group dynamic of a classroom.

I know without a doubt that I was supposed to become a teacher. The fact that I had never heard of Child Life until my senior year of college was not a mistake. However, I hope that I will also be awarded the opportunity to utilize my strengths in the academic pursuit and career of Child Life.

Please don't be offended...

Just appreciate the humor and innocence of children learning a second language...

Quote of the day (so far...):

"Miss, is a$$ a bad word? There's a video on youtube of a little girl saying she's going to kick the monster's a$$."

Oh yes. This was a serious, straight-faced question. And I was miraculously able to appreciate the moment and return with a serious answer that it's not a nice word and she shouldn't say it.

There's no better teachable moment than when the kid just comes right out and asks, right?

The Obligatory New Year Post...

I'm still shocked to admit that it's 2010. I remember the 1999/2000 New Year so clearly that it seems impossible that it was ten years ago. Not only that, but I'm still unsure how to say the year out loud. Will we say "two thousand ten"? Or "twenty-ten"? Or will it ever just be "ten"? At times I've slipped and thought, "oh-ten." Then I realized I'm an idiot sometimes. Hahaha...

So what was the first meal of 2010 for me? Chickfila!!! Maybe it will be a good year after all. :)

My thoughts about this upcoming year just keep developing more and more positively. One of the main reasons is Platt's last sermon in the He Came series that closed out the Christmas season and spoke forward to the approaching new year. It probably made the list of one of my top five favorite Brook Hills Sundays, and I found such encouragement in it as I was reminded that my hope is secure when it is in my Father's hands because He is constant and faithful. If my hope is in my plans or ideas, I will be utterly disappointed, but He cannot and will not disappoint.

I know that I have recently been given excellent advice about my life in Honduras, and I want to honor it. I was even encouraged by Platt's sermon as I was reminded that my time here isn't supposed to be easy.
"As long as we as Christians, and as long as we in the church, live to make the glory of God known among all the peoples of the world, and try to figure out how to live Christianity in Birmingham, Alabama, to be the church in Birmingham, Alabama for the sake of all the people groups in the world - as long as that is our purpose, it will not be easy. It will not be easier at all - it will be harder. It will be more difficult. Satan will not sit idly by while the people of God pursue the glory of Christ among the peoples of all the world... But I am finding great hope in the reality that as long as we are giving ourselves to the purpose of God that has been there since the beginning of creation, that it may be tough and it may be difficult and it may be costly, but it will be worth it. God will use our lives to accomplish His purpose. So hope in this. Hope in this when it gets hard. Hope in this when it gets costly. Hope in this when it's not safe. Hope in this when the way of thinking, the way of life, goes against everything in our culture and even in our church culture around us. Hope in this: God from the beginning has been making his glory known among all the peoples of the world and as long as you and I are in on that purpose, we are guaranteed to see that purpose finished. It's going to happen and it will be worth it..."

So even when I'm stuck wondering why He sent me here: to a people group that is considered "reached" with the Gospel; to children who are much wealthier than I've ever been and than I probably ever will be; to a life that is comfortable and very similar to the one I led in Birmingham - I will hope in the fact that God knows what He's doing; He's using me even when I don't understand and even when I can't see it; and He will make His glory known to these students and to Honduras...

And now, coming off of that plane and into the warm tropical temperatures of this strange city serving as my home for a year, I know that "my cup runneth over". The time at home, though busy, was restful. Many of the people that I love reminded me over and over again that they love me and they're proud of me and that I can do this.

Five and a half months.

That seems like a long time. But I'm going to be here for that amount of time regardless, so I'm thinking I might as well look at it with a positive attitude. Wishing for home and even planning for the next steps will not change the timeline or make it pass more quickly. Besides, I was called here for a purpose, and I have not yet completed my task. I'm working on focusing on the reason I'm here in the first place and trusting the Lord to work all things for good even when I can't see what He's doing.

In the last few days, I have really been thinking about family. In this season of my life, I feel like my love for and attachment to my family is growing stronger as time passes. Many people do not feel this way about their family, and I wonder if I am wrong. I wonder if I am growing more immature in that area. After all, aren't I supposed to grow farther from them and more independent with each passing year? But then I remembered a conversation that I had with my friend Stacy a couple of months ago.

She is also a teacher here, and at that time, she was struggling because she felt like she was slipping back into her old ways of life. She had once again gotten caught up in fashion, shopping, and celebrity gossip, and she wasn't very pleased by her return to those things. Then she talked to another friend who pointed out that because Stacy's heart and soul long for and seek God, then she longs for and seeks beauty. Unfortunately, she was merely finding a false substitute for real beauty. I loved that explanation of the root of her desire because it seemed to make sense to me in a way that very little had before.

I think it may also relate to my current obsession with my family. My heart and soul long for God. In longing for God, I long for love. The best expression of love that I have ever found in my life has come in and through my family. I hope and pray that God will help me to know Him more so that I will continue to grow in love for my family and to love Him and desire Him and long to please Him infinitely more...

Finally, before I go to bed early after a very long day, today is the first day of The Radical Experiment. I'm really excited about it... Check it out. :) www.radicalexperiment.org

Goodnight moon.