100th Post... :)

I love blogging. I'm not sure exactly why, but I do. I'm sure it's mostly egocentric - trying to tell my story, to share my thoughts with a world that can take them or leave them... To a world that can read them or not.

I think I forget that part sometimes.

We all want to be liked and approved - even online. So when I start to feel like my life and my thoughts are not appealing to anyone who reads them, then I think they're not worth processing or posting.

And yet, that means I miss out on doing something I really enjoy - namely, writing about something I care about. When all the while, I can write whether anyone wants to read it or not. And those who don't like to read it don't have to.

Excellent.

And on top of writing blogs, I thoroughly enjoy reading them. Seriously - my life is just fine without Facebook (and my email traffic is suddenly much lighter), but I think I would miss blogs if they were gone. I love reading about the thoughts, experiences, and faiths of some people that I know and love - and some that I only know online. It's an interestingly new type of community that I feel like sociologists and psychologists can and probably will have a hay-day with, and I enjoy it. Today, I even discovered that Southern Living, Cooking Light, and Real Simple magazines all have blogs! This is my excited face... If only you could see it.

How did I stumble across such treasures?

I was trying to Google some information about submitting articles for Southern Living.

That's one of the items on my bucket list - basically right under seeing the Cubs play at Wrigley Field I've listed being published in Southern Living. Truthfully, this list is only imaginary and stored in the back of my mind, but when I picture it, those two items are on there in that order.

I'm not even sure if they (Southern Living) accept freelance writing.

And I haven't drafted anything yet.

Although, I do have a couple of ideas swirling around in my head... :)

So who knows? Maybe it will happen. Maybe it won't. It doesn't really matter. When a believer really considers where they'll be and what they'll be doing and WHO they'll be with after the time runs out to accomplish the things on a bucket list, it seems that the list becomes completely inconsequential.

In the meantime, I'll keep on blogging and dreaming and trying to use this time wisely.

This weekend has been excellent. I did a whole lot of nothing Friday night and Saturday night. I got LOADS of work done on Saturday and feel so relieved to be caught up (and a little bit ahead in some areas) once again - or at least until tomorrow. Haha...

I talked to my mom for awhile on Friday and got to catch up with her after a few days. I can't believe she might be here with me three weeks from right now. I know this will be a huge step outside of her comfort zone, and I'm so thrilled to see how much she loves me and how love can motivate us to do things we never imagined... I can't wait to give her and Nancy (her cousin; more like an aunt to me) a glimpse of Honduras and to help them see that it's not as bad as the news has made it seem in the recent past. Even if they struggle to see it like I do, I know they'll enjoy the weather and hopefully the company, and that should make it all worth it. :)

This week is bound to be very busy, but that's good because that's what's gotten us to March in seemingly the blink of an eye. It's hard to fathom that it's been almost two whole months since I was at home. I feel like Christmas break wasn't that long ago, and I'm thankful for that feeling.

Besides the regular schedule and demands of teaching, I also have at least one or two things scheduled for each afternoon and evening.

Have I mentioned that I am coaching the newly formed Pinares pep squad? And have I mentioned how much I love it? God really does prepare us for His work and use our talents and experiences in the most incredible ways... Despite the eye rolls, baffled expressions, and snide remarks from my dad throughout the years I spent dedicated to cheerleading (Dad, don't even try to deny it! But it's okay... I was never meant to run anyway - so at least I found something to do.), God knew that those years of practices, clinics, camps, pep rallies, and games would come in handy later on down the road in a small country in Central America.

Our school hasn't had anything similar to a cheerleading squad for a long time - mostly because of the difficulty of balancing strict (sometimes legalistic - oops, did I say that?) school rules and policies with a "sport" that often involves short skirts and dancing. When some girls got together with the guidance counselor this year to propose to bring the squad back, they took on a very agreeable position including pants for the uniform and no dancing. And then they recruited me to teach them some basic moves, chants, and cheers. Why me? I am the ONLY person on staff here with any background in cheerleading.

I'm here for such a time as this, right?

I know it seems silly to think about cheerleading on that level, but it has been fun to get to know and invest in some 11th grade girls... As a general rule of thumb, this culture struggles with rhythm (clapping along with songs at church can be maddening), so that has presented a bit of a challenge. However, the girls are there because they want to be - and they are so eager to learn and to practice because it's all so new to them. We've told them that they won't be performing for anyone anytime soon, but for now we're practicing every Monday and Tuesday after school with hopes for an all-sports celebration pep rally at the end of the year before they start to cheer for and encourage all of the sports next year. I enjoy leading it for now, and I love the way that I get to laugh with and have fun with a great group of girls after school.

So that's Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday is faculty meeting. Thursday will be something I've never done before. Progress reports went out on Friday, and I was shocked when I sat down to calculate how many students had missing assignments that they never turned in. I'm okay with kids getting an occasional zero for not doing their work because that's pretty real-world. But apparently if I don't ride their case and demand to receive their assignments, they won't turn them in late. They just won't do them at all. So on Thursday, I'll be staying after school to work with half of my class (conditional on parental consent) on making up missing work for partial credit. It's unfortunate, but it's better than failing half of the class because they didn't do their work. :)

Then on Friday, it's possible that some of my girls will be coming to my apartment to hang out as a reward for good behavior. They're really excited about it, and honestly, so am I. This is something I felt like I couldn't do in Alabama (and with most students, you wouldn't want to), but these girls are great and I enjoy getting to know them. We'll see... If it works out, maybe we'll bake something together. Maybe I'll find a fun recipe on one of the new blogs I'm reading. :)

YAY!!!!!!!!

MY MOM IS COMING TO VISIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Newton's First Law...

On a student's paper to explain Newton's First Law (an object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion...):

"...for example when you have a house at midnight it will blow away if you don't have the 1st law."

Seriously? What does that even mean?

I would feel bad about my teaching if 90% of the class hadn't answered it correctly or if I didn't know the kid who wrote it.

:)

TGIF.

Making me better, right?

Today was rough. A friend of mine Google buzzed about today being like a balloon that someone pokes a small hole into until it slowly deflates and becomes limp. I identified with that at first, but the more I thought about it, I realized that my balloon was not just poked. I'm pretty sure it was stabbed, made a loud popping noise, and exploded into small tattered pieces.

Who stabbed my balloon? A parent in what was obviously the most wonderful parent-teacher conference of all time.

A parent of one of my most difficult students.

A parent who basically yelled at me for 20 minutes and barely let me speak.

A parent who let me hear all of her concerns and left without hearing mine.

A parent who definitely provoked a less-than-professional and less-than-mature response from me.

A parent who left me wanting to cry and scream when all I was able to actually do was run back to my crazy class to try to continue through the next four hours as if I had not just been both attacked and offended.

I'm just wondering - why do parents get to say whatever they want to let us know what they think of us and yet we just have to smile and be agreeable without the ability to reciprocate with our thoughts about their children???

If you have children or grandchildren, or if you ever hope to, please be nice to their teachers. They aren't perfect; your child/grandchild isn't their only student; and they're people with feelings too.

And don't talk down to them about the stresses of their profession in comparison to the stresses of being a mom. Both are stressful. Period.

Okay, so there's the venting session... Of course, as I continued to process all day while working on the progress reports that will go home tomorrow, I realized that good teachers probably just stay "good" if they have easy classes. I'm having to use a ridiculous amount of new strategies and systems just to make it until June. It has made a hard job even harder, but I would like to think that this kind of thing is what challenges a teacher to grow and become excellent...

And even if that's not true, I'm going to believe that it is until June 20th. :)

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

The weather changed last night.

My students are in coats, scarves, hats, and gloves.

I am in flip flops.

One of these things is not like the others... One of these things just doesn't belong...

Am I smarter than a fifth grader? Apparently not.

We'll see how this goes...

Lovely...

Today was so good... It was my second trip to the feeding center, and this one was exponentially better than the first. That day, I felt a little motion sick after practically off-roading to get to Manos Extendidos, and I was struggling with a migraine or at least a really severe headache.

Anyway, after that, I seriously considered backing out and giving up my spot in the rotation of volunteers. It's definitely an overwhelming experience to be in a small-ish room with 150(+?) LOUD and rowdy kids who only speak Spanish. We take turns leading the Bible story or songs, crafts, and games, and I really started to think that my lacking language ability meant that I have nothing to offer, but I know that the kids don't care, and most of them run up to hug you or just say hello and touch your light skin... When I looked at the schedule that I received in an email a couple of weeks ago and saw that our group was actually only able to go two more times before semana santa, I figured I could stick with it...

So a little more than a week ago, we sat down to plan. For the next six sessions, both of our rotation teams will be teaching about the life of Joseph. That meant today was the introduction along with the stories about his coat of many colors and his dreams...

A "coat of many colors" was purchased at the thrift store.

I was selected to wear said coat while leading "Jose Dice" (a version of Simon Says - but instead of Simon, I was Joseph...) IN SPANISH!!!

Have I mentioned that I do not speak Spanish?!?!

Even though I had a list of Spanish command options (like touch your nose, act like a duck, bark like a dog, etc), I was not confident and therefore not excited.

The songs went well and the story-telling was good, although it's practically impossible to get a class of 22 Honduran fifth graders to sit quietly and listen - much less 150ish Honduran kids, ages 0-13, all crammed in a room and sitting on top of each other, holding cups and spoons to eat out of after the lesson...

Even though the room was extremely warm, I put on the coat of many colors...

Some of the other leaders tried once again to get the kids to be quiet and listen so that they could hear to play the game, but in the end, it was just like, "Well... They're not going to get any quieter than this. I just need to lead the game, and if they want to play, they'll listen to my commands..."

I stepped up, faced the crowd, and a vibrant, expressive, happy, Spanish-speaking(ish) gringa took over my body for about five minutes... I HAD SO MUCH FUN. God is so good. I felt a little silly beforehand as I prayed and asked Him to help me lead the game, but He is faithful and He empowers us to lead these kids, to create a fun and safe environment, and to love them and build relationships with them so we can tell them about Him...

Jose dice salta como una rana! (Joseph says jump like a frog...)
Toque su nariz! (Touch your nose)
No! Jose no dice!!! (No... Joseph didn't say!)

The SUV that we climbed that mountain in got blocked in for a little while, so we ended up hanging around a little longer than usual. It's crazy to me to see what the kids are so excited to be eating... I honestly have never asked what it is, but it looks a little like rice in milk. That doesn't seem right, but like I said, I have no clue.

It was nice to just sit down outside and talk to and play with the kids. They are so loving, and they just walk up to you and sit in your lap or right beside you. One girl played with my hair, and I loved it... A lot of them noticed my freckles today (see below) and I tried to explain that they are called "pecas" in Spanish. In fact, I'm pretty sure I spoke more Spanish today than I have cumulatively in the last month. Days like today inspire me to study.

Here are a few pictures from today, courtesy of Sarah... The other gringa in the picture is Emily who is also from Birmingham and a member of Brook Hills. :)

The past two weeks...

The past two weeks have been overwhelmingly full of exhaustion, more work than I may have ever done in my life, meetings, prayer, tears, frustration, hope, dedication, resolve, strength, weakness, behavior plans, parent conferences, and more...

In last night's Esther Bible study video, there was a quote that said one of the toughest things about being a woman is feeling like you're too much and not enough all at the same time.

I think that's part of the reason why I tried to take some time off from blogging. Because I've been struggling with being not enough in my classroom, I've realized that my emotions and over-analysis of everything are just too much...

While today wasn't too terrible, my daily circumstances aren't very likely to change in the next four months, so I'm not sure how often I'll be blogging anymore.

When I started this, it was to share my journey; to document adventures; and to reflect on global missions and the ways the Lord is working here in Honduras.

I know He's still working, but my missionary adventures have settled down and become much more like the struggle of everyday life as an elementary school teacher. That just doesn't seem fun to document. At the end of the day, I now prefer to just let it all go than to hold onto it and spread it around...

On the bright side, we're half-way through with February! And today, I helped a kid understand the word "slobber." Oh the joys of teaching second language learners.

Ffh - What It Feels Like (2009 Video & Lyrics)

So as it turns out, this song tells the story of my 2009-2010 year.

WOW.

Ffh - What It Feels Like (2009 Video & Lyrics)

The best...

I have the best daddy in the whole world.

It may have taken him 25 years to realize he's the daddy of girls, but he's really showing off these days.

Tonight, he encountered all the silly Baptist women of the north Birmingham area to meet Beth Moore and get her new book signed for me.

How many daddies would do that after a long day at work?

I think maybe the main reason I wasn't a crazy fifth grader like some of the kids I see everyday is because of the differences in our families.

Laying Low...

I'm a mess, and laying low may be the best way to clean up. We'll see.

Just one question that was posed at tonight's Bible study...

"Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?"

A Day of Disappointment

Today is February 1st. All of my application materials were due today for the program at Alabama. I thought maybe this day could be the beginning of a new opportunity until I received this email:

Dear Jamey,

Thank you for expressing interest in our graduate programs in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Alabama. From your application we understand you are interested in pursuing a career as a Child Life Specialist. Though our department no longer offers a graduate program in Child Life, our undergraduate program is thriving. We would be more than happy to consider your current application for one of our other graduate programs (i.e. Human Development, Family Studies, or Marriage and Family Therapy). You may want to visit our website at http://ches.ua.edu/departments/hd/graduates, to learn more about these outstanding master’s programs. If one of these sounds interesting to you, please reply to this e-mail, state which program you would like to pursue and briefly explain why you would be interested in that particular program.

Thanks again for being interested in our department, and please contact us if you have any questions about our department or about eh graduate programs we offer. Best wishes as you continue your education.

They no longer offer the program... I never saw that coming.

Now what?

I'm frustrated by my discontentment and uncertainty.

In my blog searching yesterday, I found a blog written by a 23-yr-old girl who is teaching for a year at a different bilingual school here in Honduras. Her blog posts ring with familiarity, but I envy her joy.

I wish that this was everything I thought it would be. I wish I didn't feel like there's something wrong with me. But I know there is - I'm a sinner. Maybe I'm just being selfish and disobedient.

I just don't know how to fix it.