I've started reading the book, and I'm about 70 pages into it. It seems to be all about the relationships between teachers and students and the ways that can motivate the students to perform, take responsibility for themselves, and to think through their own decisions. In some ways, I feel like it has very much affirmed my approach to teaching up until this point. I've always said that my students don't have to like me because I'm their teacher and not their friend. However, those who knew me and my students knew the reality of the situation was very different. Through building a relationship with my students, they responded positively to me.
This week, as I have felt bossy and controlling, overly serious, pushed to some limits, and have been described as "really strict" to another teacher, I have tried to tell myself that I am the adult and they are the children. I am their teacher and I am in charge. It does not matter if they like me.
Except that I'm really here for the purpose of building relationships with them and loving them. I'm here to share my faith with them and to disciple them. I know that my ministry will be much more effective if I can have both - a controlled classroom and a friendly, supportive relationship with my students... with ALL of my students. Not just the ones that come easy.
So we'll see how it turns out. My girls all seem very sweet, and the majority seem quiet and mild-mannered. Some of my boys are incredibly compassionate and polite. However, I have another group of boys who lack self-control and the ability to see how their words and actions affect anyone else around them. My first instinct to describe them includes words like self-centered, rude, obnoxious, and overly playful. I was spoiled by the way Vincent kids are usually taught to listen to and obey adults no matter what. Spending another nine months with some of these boys just the way they are right now seems miserable, and working to train them to change this behavior seems impossible. But it's got to be worth a shot.
Eduardo is back to pretending he's 15 again. Now I see why my parents didn't tolerate it when I rolled my eyes or talked back to them. I feel like he never listens to me - because he almost never follows directions when I give them to the whole group. He doesn't read my directions on the board and he acts like he doesn't hear me when I speak. If I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do, or if I enforce consequences - he huffs and slumps in his chair and is completely disrespectful. His father came with him to open house on Friday, and I tried to gently mention my concern about this attitude, but I honestly got a vibe that he did not care - in a way that seemed to go along with some Honduran mens' disregard for respecting women. That's hard to face when you come from the chivalry of the south. And through it all, I can't help but think, "This is why I don't teach middle school!"
So anyway... that's enough rambling on and on about all that. Just please pray for all of these kids and these situations. Pray that God will help me to love them unconditionally and that Satan would be powerless to hinder the work of the Lord in my class.
Things other than that have been pretty good. I feel like I've spent most of my hours outside of school working on school stuff. It's definitely kept me busy this week.
I'm becoming pretty good friends with a girl named Twana from Indiana. She's the new elementary art teacher, and we're the same age. I like her a lot, and I'm thankful for the developing friendship.
Today I went down into the city with the bus for the weekly grocery trip, and I also went down again this afternoon with Twana and her roommates to get pedicures. It felt a little adventurous. It wasn't really anything fancy, but it was also very affordable in comparison to the prices at home!
Some of us have even thrown out the idea of getting together in Chicago this summer - and if we plan it just right, I might actually get to go to a game at Wrigley! That would be so fun... :)
Tomorrow I'll be heading back to Impacto. The senior pastor is supposed to be back now from raising support in the States for a few months. Word on the street is his home church is Shades Mountain Baptist in Birmingham. I hope to confirm that tomorrow. :) They're also having lunch for us and matching us with families in the church in an adoption program similar to what I've seen before in college ministries. The last time I was adopted, it was by Mrs. Leigh Ann, and that has been one of the greatest blessings of my young adult life - so I hope this goes just as well.
Tonight was so much fun. I love how all of the new teachers bonded so quickly during new teacher orientation. We had a game night tonight, and I learned how to play two new card games. I think the first one was called 7 up, 7 down or something like that. I was terrible. haha. Pit was really fun but so frustrating when I kept getting the bear right at the last second. And of course, I'm a huge fan of Apples to Apples. It makes me think of lots of fun people that I've played it with in the past.
Oh, and last night we had pizza and watched a movie for Jenny's birthday. For future reference, The Soloist is really good.
I had a great conversation with a girl this morning about our thoughts about the amount of time we will be here. She put it best when she explained that if she doesn't stay for another year, it's not because of something here. It's just because of the things that are not here - like family and such. (Although Luke 14:25-33 is extremely convicting...) I think we're both looking at it from the same perspective. This is definitely hard. I know it's right and I know it's worth it. My emotions aren't overcoming my vision. But yet there are still many times when it would be nice to be home. Like the other day, I was doing fine - and then I talked to my dad on Skype for maybe a minute because I just wanted to hear his voice, and I couldn't control the tears. I felt a little blindsided. But most of the time, I'm busy and focused and just trying not to think about it.
And then there have been moments when I have thought about it and have wondered what I will go back to. It feels like starting over. No job. No commitments to a certain city or area. Very open.
Anyway, that's me... Always thinking about the future. But in the present, my life is here. And I'm glad it's a part of my story.
Here are some pictures from the city and from our pedicure adventure...
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