Even things that are not...

For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, "Let one who boasts, boast in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ESV

Tonight I was catching up on a video session that I have missed from my Esther Bible study. One part of what Beth Moore said just stuck out to me because it echoes my thoughts and my prayers.

"Think about all the things Hadassah (Esther) would have told you she was not. How many things could you tell me today, 'But you don't understand. I'm not...'? How often have I heard somebody say, 'I think maybe that God is trying to call me, but I'm just gonna' tell you - I'm not...'? I cannot count to you how many times young women have said to me, 'Listen, I'm not a speaker like you are.' Listen, neither am I! Neither am I... I have to trust God's gonna' fall on me, because I know better than anyone - I do not have this. I do not have this. If anything's gonna' happen, God, You better do it. No, the things that are not are the very things God chooses to show the things nullified that are. Verse 29: 'So that no one may boast before Him.' Why? So there'll be no boasting... So we'll be able to say, 'I wanna' tell you something... You know it was God because there is no other way that could have happened..."

This is exactly what I have prayed many times about going to Honduras...

I'm not. I can't. So, God, You have to do it.

I'm not brave enough to go into the unknown. I'm not strong enough to be away from home for so long. I'm not content enough to commit to this year while I still struggle with being single. I'm not a good enough teacher to meet the standards of these parents and to teach these children well. I'm not self-sufficient enough to move to a country where I can't speak the language and don't really know how to live in their culture. I'm not spiritually mature enough to be a "missionary." I'm not dependent on Him enough to be used by Him in a huge way.

But God chose even me who is not... so that I will boast in the Lord.