I wish I had something deep and worthwhile to share...

It’s probably really hard to be friends with me. More often than not, I’m not really into spending all day, every day hanging out. Sometimes my idea of a perfect Friday night does involve something like pizza and a movie – but it doesn’t necessarily involve another person. (I know. I’m super weird.) In fact, I’ve been in full-on hermit-mode this weekend.

I tend to think of myself as an extroverted introvert. I am capable of showing some extroverted characteristics. Every once in a great while, I find some social skills deep within me – but most of the time, I’m most content by myself.

This can make teaching particularly exhausting. I’ve talked with some other introverted teachers, and we’ve found common ground in discussing how exhausting it can be, when you get energy from alone time, to spend all-day, everyday being pulled in 22ish directions.

So maybe that’s what kills the social life of my weekend. By the end of the week, I just want to close my door, put in my earphones, and stare at a book, a tv, or a computer screen.

And that’s exactly what I’ve done for the vast majority of my waking hours in the last two days.

I’ve loved every minute of it.

And yet – here I go again. Tomorrow is Monday. Boo Monday. I’m pretty sure it’s always the hardest day of our week. But it’s like the poster that hangs in my classroom… “Just because something is difficult doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. It just means you should try harder.” It sounds good in theory. But maybe I’ll also pray for God to put some divine Prozac into my spirit and my countenance.

I’m feeling particularly girly and even worldly and materialistic today. I’ve been indulging myself in my new obsession with Diet Coke (who knew?!?! Now the question is – do I really like Diet Coke, or is it the Honduran version that gets me every time?) and browsing websites to look at clothes, shoes, purses, and bedding that I could never afford. I’m glad that on days like today, I don’t even have the option to spend my money on these things. Thank You, God, for putting me in Honduras. =)

I’ve also spent a lot of time finding people’s blogs today. I’m starting to think that blogs are tremendously better than even Facebook. Of course, it might be even better if I would spend more time with this laptop closed, but for now I plead the fifth on that.

I’m thoroughly enjoying listening to podcasts of Matt Chandler coming out of The Village Church in Texas. As far as the theology and focus is concerned, he’s right on track with Platt – but his speaking style is much more Gilmore Girls-style with fast talking and quick wit. All the while, he’s still leading his church and preaching almost every Sunday while dealing with a brain tumor. God is so good. I say that, not because he’s having to face cancer, but because God is faithful no matter what.

You can read about it here...

And I’m excited to discover that some of the pastors that I respect the most seem to preach with the English Standard Bible. Have I ever mentioned that I like being right? Not that the NIV or NASB or even The Living Bible are wrong – but I view this as another vote of confidence in the reliability of the ESV.

Post #3 in one day. I'm sorry for being obnoxious.

"One person called it 'The Joseph Question: God, what in the world are you doing with my life???'"

"We are not the center of God's universe. He's working in 6.8 billion lives. That doesn't mean He is not intimately involved in the details of our lives - He is... in every single one of them. But it does mean that when we ask the question, 'God, what are you doing in my life?' the answer actually may be about what He is doing in someone else's life, and what He is doing in your life or my life may not be ultimately for us as an end in and of itself, but it may actually be for who knows who else's or how many other people's lives." - David Platt

Unforgettable

The boys in this picture have definitely become an unforgettable part of my year in Honduras... Any teacher understands that while you may grow to love your entire class as you serve them for a year, there will always be those who stand out and who you will remember for the rest of your life - maybe for good, for bad, or both... They may not even know, but they grab onto your heart and may never let go - even if you don't see them anymore.

First, there was Nyah and Dalton...

Then there were many in a class absolutely hand-picked by God. Chaney, Ambran, Jasmine... Chris... Tim...

Last year there were Deandre and Brooke... Saylor...

This year, there will be a few, and somewhere in that list will be the names Pablo and Eduardo.

Pablo, on the left, has been the center of attention in many of my classroom stories and through many of our days together in class, whether I liked it or not. Pablo and I have developed a bit of a love-hate relationship, and I mean that in the nicest ways possible... I love him and think that he is a one-of-a-kind kid. He goes through seasons of being funny and easy to appreciate and then sometimes he becomes rebellious and extra-impulsive. He's a funny kid though, and I just may always think of him when I see anything related to the Peanuts cartoons, because that has been his newest obsession for the last two or three months or so.

Pablo is a great kid that I'm honored to know, but the real reason for this post is the other boy in the picture.

Eduardo.

At the beginning of the year, there were definitely days when I thought that my class would be almost perfect if only I could get rid of him. He walked into my classroom on the first morning of school without even acknowledging me in the doorway and then raised up both of his arms into some sort of dramatically presented entrance as if to say, "What's up? I'm here..." His attitude was cocky, oppositional, and often just defiant. He looked at me with hatred and often refused to do anything. I honestly had to pray that God would help me to love him...

And you know what? God answers prayer.

I was overwhelmed with emotion a few days ago as I watched him play soccer at recess because I realized just how much I've come to love him... He's still not perfect by any means - but he's usually not defiant anymore. Lazy, yes. Oppositional, no. We've developed a wonderful relationship that involves a lot of sarcasm and smiling... Somewhere deep down, underneath his tough-guy exterior, I've glimpsed compassion for others. I almost cried one day as I watched him sacrifice some of his own very valuable recess time to make sure another kid was okay and to help him to the nurse... And he didn't just do this for one of his friends in the cool crowd. He helped a kid that I've heard him tease before.

Praise the Lord for the encouragement that I feel from realizing these changes, and I pray that they are taking deep roots in his life so that they are never pulled up...

I just woke up... again.

Yesterday was report card day and the opportunity for any necessary parent-teacher conferences. Only three parents came to see me. I'm tempted to wonder if they means I'm doing such a good job that they just trust me and already feel informed, or if this is more of a sign of a lack of involvement that could potentially explain a lot about this class... It was nice though to stand there speaking to the dad of the girl that has given me fits lately and to realize that he's her daddy. He loves her like my daddy loves me and Logan. He wants to know what is going on in her life and to try to do what is best for her because he loves her and wants her present to be a wonderful foundation for her future... I'm not always a huge fan of the pressure that comes from parental involvement, but it's so nice to be reminded that the kids are not only a reflection on me (as I sometimes feel) but that each one reflects some other people too, and hopefully those people care and love them a lot.

This morning, I went back to the market for the first time since early December. My wonderful market friend was there, and today was the best day yet because Erika was marketing with me and was able to translate! Did I humble myself enough to double-check her name? Of course not. But Juanita (?) was as loving and welcoming as ever. She's like a grandmother. She definitely told me that it had been too long since I had come to see her... Erika said she comes from pretty far away, and that she's been having a tough time with the cold snaps that have come through lately. It was such a blessing to support her and to buy her potatoes, cucumbers, carrots, cabbage, and some unidentified thing (Erika's) before shopping at any of the other stands. :)

I was feeling exhausted when we got back, so I put some groceries away, ate lunch, and took a very long nap. Unfortunately, it was one of those naps that leaves you feeling like you've been run over by a Mack truck. I wonder if I'll be dizzy for the rest of the day... Maybe I'll feel better if I drink one of the Diet Mountain Dews that I was blessed to find at the grocery store this morning!!!

Speaking of saying, "run over by a Mack truck," today I was mocked for saying, "have your picture made" as opposed to having it "taken." I proceeded to argue that to be taken, it must exist already. However, a picture is created, and therefore it is made. Crazy Yankees...

Erika is with her family in the city. Kerry is chaperoning the school spelling bee trip to San Pedro Sula, and Stacey is with her boyfriend. I have the whole place to myself - and it's a good day for it. Perhaps I'll continue being a hermit for the rest of the day, listening to the Brook Hills sermon, watching movies and Gilmore Girls, and planning science units on sound, light, and Newton's Laws. Oh yes - this life in Honduras is just that glamorous...

I'm also reading a new book that my dad got me for Christmas called Stones Into Schools about a man who has helped to start lots of schools all over Afghanistan and Pakistan while emphasizing the importance of girls' education and providing lots of opportunities for them that have been prohibited in the past by the leaders of their culture. At one point in the introduction, he talked about visiting a village and discovering over 80 children gathered together outside, without even a teacher, writing things in the dirt because they didn't have anything else to write with. They were desperate for a school in their village. It's unbelievable to think of how educational opportunities can be so unappreciated and taken for granted. I'm intrigued to continue the book, although it makes me sad that this particular work is being done by the world and not the church. As I read the girls quotes about how Allah has taught them patience as they waited for a chance to study, I'm saddened. Sometimes it seems like it would be nice if the Lord would just go ahead and take us all home where there will be no more deception, suffering, or temptation to fight. But even though I may feel ready, it's the girls like these that aren't - and aren't they worth waiting for?

I have a couple of friends serving over there. I'm so excited whenever I get to hear all about their experiences. They're the real deal, for sure.

I talked to a friend yesterday that says I need to just come home - "like yesterday..." She was joking (I think), but we said I could come home, she could quit her job, we could live in her house until it sells and just play all the time, and then we could move into Charli's one-bedroom apartment and get part-time jobs at a place called Pump-It-Up. She said by that point, we would have come full-circle. Haha. It was exciting to me to realize that I am okay with jokes like that, but I don't need them to actually happen. I'm doing fine, and I'm thankful to the Lord who sustains me.

Besides... February is short with a few random events like the huge Relampago soccer tournament (during school! Talk about chaos!) on Friday. Then Semana Santa (Spring Break) is at the end of March. Much of April is filled up with standardized testing, and then my mom might come! (Insert shouts of joy here...) I'm still hoping to make a trip home in May (and I think everyone needs to be on my side and help me convince my parents that it is a good idea and very important that I be at my sister's graduation...), and then we're done in June. After that, we'll see what happens. I have dreams of travels with friends in July - but I'm starting to wonder where that money will come from. Plus, I'm still hoping and planning to take my sister gallivanting around Texas to celebrate her huge accomplishments! (Even if she is planning to be a crazy JSU gamecock...) haha

A Day Off = A Workday

I am my father in female form.

This statement is true on many, many levels. Today it is true because I had a day off, and I used it as a workday.

As of today, Honduras officially has a newly inaugurated president. His first task as president? Personally escorting Zelaya (the old president) from his hideout at the Brazillian embassy to the airport to put him on a plane to the Dominican Republic.

And, of course, Zelaya's last words before boarding the plane? "We'll be back!"

It sounds so ominous.

I hope his second presidential task will be to send out troops all over the city armed with rollers, brushes, and paint with the goal of getting rid of all the graffiti that has apparently appeared in the last year.

The interim president attended a special mass this morning before handing over the office. Apparently the televised activities of the day were all full of prayers, Scripture, and mentions of faith, and the man stepping down made a grand statement that he hopes that all leaders of Honduras from this day forward will hold the Bible in one hand and the constitution in the other.

I told Erika that her country is becoming more Christian than mine.

So anyway... Thanks to all of this pageantry and the threats of protests and demonstrations, we got another day off of school - a MUCH APPRECIATED day off of school. However, I spent much of it working in my classroom and then continuing to work at home. In fact, I invested a bit more than my standard ten minutes on next week's lesson plans, and I am thrilled with the result of my efforts. These are probably the best lesson plans I've written all year. Now I just have to stick to them...

Perhaps all this work has made me hungry. I'm pretty sure I've consumed more than 4,000 calories today. Blech. Most frustratingly, I've been craving home food. I think it started when I indulged in some country music streaming from a Birmingham radio station while working in my classroom. The next thing I knew, I could practically smell the bar-b-que, sweet iced tea, McDonald's french fries, CHICK-FIL-A, etc. In an effort to satisfy my cravings, I cooked the only things in my possession that shared a little resemblance to these items of my longings. I baked frozen chicken nuggets, frozen french fries, and frozen mozzarella sticks. More specifically, I baked the grossest variety of these frozen items that I may have ever had.

Sigh.

I'm not thrilled about returning to school tomorrow, but it's Day 4 again (yay for lots of breaks and little instructional time) and then Friday is another half-day. Perhaps survival of the month of January is already guaranteed. Yesterday was MUCH better than Monday because, instead of Miss Benton, the wicked witch of the west showed up to teach for the day. We had a silent day in which students were not allowed to speak without permission. A little over the top? Yes. Unrealistic for everyday with 10 and 11-year-olds? Of course. Exhausting for a teacher to monitor and consistently enforce? Absolutely. But at least for one day, I attempted to (successfully?) reestablish the classroom control and authority as that belonging to the teacher and not the students. It was nice. It was like a flashback to home. At the end of the day, I told them that their behavior looked exactly like what would be expected of them at a school in the States and that I had no idea how they had ever gotten away with anything less...

And the final topic of the post... growing up. As it turns out, while I'm merely growing older behind the gates of this campus, many of my friends all over the United States are actually growing up. They're getting engaged, getting married, finding out they're pregnant, and going into labor all around my facebook world.

Really???

It's ironic, really...

(Sorry for writing twice in one night...)

In our church's year-long Bible reading plan, we just finished Genesis. We're reading in somewhat of a chronological order, so we're actually not jumping into Exodus next.

We're studying Job.

This is just a little bit scary to me because in the summer of 2005, I was full of self-pity one Sunday night, so I climbed up on my bunk bed at camp and decided to read Job before I went to sleep. Then a friend needed me to climb down and help her, and my climb down quickly turned into a fall and I shattered my arm.

I was reading Job and asking God why He was allowing me to suffer - and let me tell you... I wasn't suffering.

So what about now? Is this really suffering? Or is it just pouting?

I wish I could copy and paste from the commentary/reading guide that we're using, but we've been told that we're not allowed to share or reproduce it, so I'll paraphrase. I hope that's okay.

He compared Job's suffering with that of Joseph and highlighted the fact that Joseph's suffering served a very specific purpose. On the contrary, a reason was never really given for Job's trials. He said it helps us to think about times in our lives when it's just suffering for the sake of suffering... When our suffering seems meaningless. Then he encourages those who are suffering to pray and to commit to trust the Lord through it all, and he tells those who aren't suffering at this time to pray for someone who is.

Sometimes I feel like my mom is a bit prophetic. As I prepared to come down here, she told me repeatedly that it would be hard, but she compared it to my high school experience and other things over the course of my life and said she had no doubt that I could stick it out. I'm pretty sure that we all thought she meant it would be hard to be away from home and family or that it would be hard to be in another country. (Those things are true but aren't the worst...) I never even considered that my teaching experience would become such a trial.

It's funny though. I remember having teachers at Locust Fork who, when we would complain about a headache or a sore throat or something, would offer to stomp our toes to make us forget about the other pain.

This is becoming a bit like that. Three weeks ago, I was sad that I wasn't in Alabama. Today - I'm content in that area. But maybe it's just because my class spent the day stomping on my toes... :)

It's only 8:10 - and I'm going to bed. I'll try again tomorrow.

His mercies are new every morning, right? Right.

Why?

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

Today was awful.

I cried.

I fought back the tears while in the presence of my students, and then when they got on their buses, I couldn't hold them in anymore.

And why did I cry?

Because I'm tired of fighting them.

I'm tired of feeling strong and prepared on the weekends as I pray desperately for strength and miracles and wisdom and patience, only to run smack into Monday and to feel like a failure.

I'm tired of the power that ten and eleven-year-olds have to ruin my day and to make be doubt myself, my callings, and my abilities.

All I can figure out is that God is trying to teach me about perseverance and endurance...

But I'm a bad student to Him just as they can be to me.

In our Bible study last night, Beth Moore quoted 1 Corinthians 1:26-31.

26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

She talked about all the circumstances in which we "are not."

I am not strong enough for this.

I am not a good enough teacher for this.

I am not patient enough with my students.

But He chooses the things that are not. And He does it so that when it's all said and done, all we can do is say that He got us through it - because we did not have it under control.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better. Then school is cancelled on Wednesday because of the presidential inauguration and the demonstrations that are bound to take place all over the city. Thursday is a Day 4 - my easy day... Then we have a half-day on Friday.

I can do this...

I can do this...