Why?

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

Today was awful.

I cried.

I fought back the tears while in the presence of my students, and then when they got on their buses, I couldn't hold them in anymore.

And why did I cry?

Because I'm tired of fighting them.

I'm tired of feeling strong and prepared on the weekends as I pray desperately for strength and miracles and wisdom and patience, only to run smack into Monday and to feel like a failure.

I'm tired of the power that ten and eleven-year-olds have to ruin my day and to make be doubt myself, my callings, and my abilities.

All I can figure out is that God is trying to teach me about perseverance and endurance...

But I'm a bad student to Him just as they can be to me.

In our Bible study last night, Beth Moore quoted 1 Corinthians 1:26-31.

26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

She talked about all the circumstances in which we "are not."

I am not strong enough for this.

I am not a good enough teacher for this.

I am not patient enough with my students.

But He chooses the things that are not. And He does it so that when it's all said and done, all we can do is say that He got us through it - because we did not have it under control.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better. Then school is cancelled on Wednesday because of the presidential inauguration and the demonstrations that are bound to take place all over the city. Thursday is a Day 4 - my easy day... Then we have a half-day on Friday.

I can do this...

I can do this...