A Post of Joy

It is high-time that I write a positive, thankful, joyful post... This year (and therefore this blog) has seen its share of lows and extremely hard times. I have faced challenges this year that I never considered or anticipated. I have felt like a whiny complainer more often than not and have found my own blog to be depressing... I have thought that if I knew me, I would not want to keep coming back to read this.

So I want to take this opportunity while I have it to use this blog to rejoice...

Today has been an incredible day. It was not perfect, especially on the academic, orderly side of things, but I am more than willing to call this one a success... I have talked to and/or emailed with almost every person I love the most at some point throughout the day. I can't even express how that lifts my spirits. I also made it through a crazy morning with the students and felt rewarded with a great afternoon. In the last hour of my day, one of my hardest kids opened up and confided in me about personal things, and I was able to joke with a group of my boys as they took a bath in Polo cologne just before walking to the buses in order to "impress" the girls with their "sexiness." (I told them they were more likely to give the girls headaches!) I even had to punish two girls by taking away their recess, and they were still nice and receptive. It's a miracle!!!

God has been so active in my life and in my class this year. I know for certain that the best changes and improvements have come as He has challenged me to invest more in them personally and to trust him with the productivity. That's been hard because I know I'm being watched and judged every time someone else hears my class screaming through the wall, or walking in a clump instead of a line, or seeming out of control at the bathrooms.

But they talk to me! We laugh and joke around and they ask for my opinions and take my advice... Didn't I come here for their hearts and their souls and not their ability to walk in straight, quiet lines?

It's a hard balance... I am a missionary and also a teacher at the same time. Those two roles are very distinct and sometimes don't have the same goals. I know that I am held accountable for their growth in subjects like math and reading. I want to somehow help them to become scholars who can take responsibility for their education and find answers to their own questions. I know that their parents are very concerned about the academic foundation being built and the grades being earned along the way. I know that their future teachers want me to help them "do school" well. And at the same time, I want to be careful to make myself open to them and to treat them with patience, respect, and understanding.

I think that's the primary way that God has changed me. I've been learning (and still am) that I'm not always right. They're kids, but sometimes they know better than I do... Sometimes I don't have to jump to conclusions just because they are not exactly where I want them to be or doing what I told them to do. Sometimes I need to give them the dignity of explaining themselves and to work cooperatively with them to accomplish both of our agendas - not just my own. I think I'm getting a little bit better at listening to them and not taking it so personally when I'm not getting my way. I've just been becoming more patient with them, and while I've always felt like I related well with students, I feel growth.

As a teacher, I feel like I've learned a lot this year about really getting to know each child and seeing them individually instead of collectively as a group. Sometimes we can have great systems in place and ideas that could develop into well-oiled machines, but we're not really meeting the kid where they are or pulling them into our great plans and schemes. A great lesson-plan is nothing without the involvement of the students. I have spent more time this year than ever before considering the strengths and needs of my students and the best ways to engage them. We have to learn how to bring them into what we do so that it's less about the task and more about the person.

Okay, wow... I feel like I'm dealing with hypothesis and theory of a philosophy of education. That's funny because in college, I had to write a ridiculous number of papers on that topic, and I never felt certain about my position. I did well by regurgitating what I had learned in class and what I thought was supposed to be my philosophy of education. Maybe this year has served to radically transform and develop that in me...

Anyway... I feel like I'm chasing rabbits. I write all of this to say that I'm rejoicing because of recent improvements. I know they have come as a result of prayer, and I am greatful. It's nice to know I've reached a point where, if it continues like this, I feel like I can finish well and possibly even enjoy it along the way - at least most of the time...

Picture Post

For the visual learners out there, here are some of the goings on in my Honduran world...

A of all) This friendship is still going strong. LOVE her...

B of all) My classroom lights are getting worse. I turn them on at 7:30, and I expect them to warm up and come on. This was the status of the lights during lunch today... Thank the Lord for our windows.

C of all) These bugs have invaded our school. I come in each morning to find at least 30 in the floor of my classroom. I try to scoot them out to prevent the crazy reactions from the 11 yr. olds. Bonus points to anyone who identifies them and helps me figure out how to get rid of them!!!

And if I don't scoot them out, this is what happens when you purposefully or accidentally step on them. They explode!

D of all) Once upon a time, my classroom was cute and neat and organized. Then kids came. Such is the life of a teacher.

E of all) These books have taken over our classrooms and have probably taken over Honduras. I wonder if there are teachers in every country dealing with this epidemic...

You buy packages of stickers with team emblems and player photos on them. Then you add them to your album, with hopes of collecting them all for each team.

My students find it hard to believe that I don't know who is on the team for USA.

I caught a glimpse of this paper earlier today as one of my boys grabbed it protectively, as if it contained all the secrets of life. I teased him and asked if he was gambling... He told me that he does not gamble. It is helping him to keep track of the pictures he has collected and the ones he wants to trade for. There are 638 stickers. That's right. 638. He's got a long way to go, and so does his mom's wallet...

It's 1:20, and another light just came on.

30 more minutes of this break... Nos vemos!

Waking Up

I have a dream that someday, I will be able to sleep until my alarm goes off. Someday, I will not awake to sounds from the kitchen, the room beside mine, the bathroom, or the room upstairs. I will get the maximum amount of sleep possible because I will no longer hear closet doors closing, chairs moving, microwaves opening, or spoons hitting bowls.

Someday, I will not live here anymore. Until then, I'm thinking of carpeting my bedroom door with hopes that it could absorb sound waves... Or maybe I need ear plugs to go along with the fan and sound machine that I already use...

Ridiculous.

Routine Has Returned...

And with that routine comes a lack of blog topics. I feel like there's not much to update. The days are all passing pretty quickly. Things are going well again with my students - mostly because I've chosen relationships over control. They're loud. They don't do anything in a straight, quiet line. They often have to be told to do things at least four times before they're done. They exchange rules and expectations for what they prefer throughout the day. But if I'm patient, they'll usually finish what they're doing (which hasn't been bad stuff lately) and they'll laugh with me and get their work done. Maybe that's what matters? I honestly don't know... I never imagined my classroom being like this... But I know that I've changed. Changed with them and changed in general. A lot... Maybe I'll be able to put it into words before this is all said and done.

Two of my girls came over to hang out after school today. We made a homemade pizza and played on Facebook. I like being able to do that with them. Three months ago, I was blogging about being bullied by one of these girls. The Lord has absolutely changed her. The difference is miraculous.

One of my boy students loves one of my girl students. Apparently he has for three years (since she moved here). Honestly, it's pretty serious for elementary school love - as far as that can go. She won't give him the time of day. He's the bad boy and often the ring-leader for mischief and anything lacking innocence. She's the straight-A student who has no interest (for now) in anything related to trouble. He got tired of her around Valentine's Day and decided he was giving up. Last week, she gave him one of her plastic bracelets. (I'm not sure why... Maybe we all like being liked, even if we're not sure we return the feeling.) His eyes lit up as he told me about it and who it was from. He's worn it everyday since. It seems like one of those situations where he could pine for her for years. I can tell he'll never forget her. I'll be interested to see if she somehow motivates him to be good, or if he ends up pulling her down later on... Time will tell.

My class is leading chapel tomorrow. I'm a bit more heavily involved than I would like, but I'm proud of the way they've pulled it together. The first time we had a brainstorming session, their attitudes and participation were so bad, I gave up and just made them put their heads down. We've come a long way since then! In our actual planning session, I was incredibly blessed by the quality of their explanations of what it means to be a Christian (the theme of our presentation). Somewhere along the way, at least some of them have heard some of the things their parents and teachers have been trying to share.

That also means that tomorrow is a Day 4 schedule, which means I will have a surplus amount of breaks and free time - especially considering how well I've been staying on top of my grading this week. Send me emails and keep me entertained!

Goodnight moon.

Bring on the Rain...

Once upon a time (about two months ago), the sunshine of a warm Sunday afternoon would beckon Pinares teachers out of their humble abodes and into their bathing suits to lie in the grass and read.

Now, after months of drought and water-rationing, a Sunday afternoon downpour brings shouts of joy and turns twenty-somethings into the likes of small children, laughing, shouting, running through the rain, and jumping in puddles.

We don't want to jinx it, but it appears that God may have brought the rainy season a little early this year - and through that, he is rescuing his land and his people.

Yay rain!!!!!!!!

I once heard that the only person who can appreciate the sound of snoring is the widow who cannot sleep because of the silence that now fills her bedroom. I'm starting to think the same is true about the beautiful sound of thunder after months without it.

I'm feeling so content...

I'm sitting here in my bed, investing in my connections with people I love via facebook, email, and blogs. I'm listening to country music and thinking of home. And yet, I'm not filled with empty longing. I will be home soon. I can hold onto that hope with anticipation and patience.

Have I mentioned that God is good? I don't see how non-believers can leave home and spend a long amount of time doing something like this (teaching overseas, working with medical relief aid, digging wells for fresh water, etc.) without knowing and feeling the confidence, hope, and comfort that comes from divine love and sovereignty. We as humans may have some desires within us to help and serve others, even to the extent of sacrificing our own comforts, but I can't imagine doing it without the superbly motivating purpose of serving the Creator of the Universe and helping others to see Him for themselves.

Last night, I went with some teachers to the movies to see The Blindside. For that two hours, I felt like I was home in more ways than one. For starters, I saw the movie in Birmingham, so seeing it again was like going back. Then, as should be obvious, a movie about southern people and SEC football has a certain ability to envelop some of us who feel that those things have almost become a part of our DNA over the years... Finally, it made me think of Vincent. The main character, Michael Oher, reminds me of a student that I taught there.

We got home last night just in time to make it safely inside our apartments and houses before a huge thunderstorm rumbled in... Most of the time, if it rains here, thunder and lightning are not involved, so once again, I was reminded of Alabama. As I read a book and listened to the thunder booming all around me from the safety of my bedroom, I remembered how I once thought storms were so scary and dangerous. Now, as long as I'm inside, I'm more tempted to think they are another aspect of the beauty of the Creator. Yet, maybe they're both, and in that way, perhaps God's power isn't always safe and comfortable, and beauty can be dangerous...

I can't believe it...

I'm bored.

Is this even possible?!?! I feel like today, for the first time in my four years of teaching, I have nothing to do. My grades are finished. My lesson plans are ready. Gradekeeper is up to date. My copies are ordered. My email is checked.

Now what???

Yesterday I stayed busy with decision-making and planning.

I registered for graduate school

Yep. I did it. I am now a UAB Blazer unless the Lord changes things between now and August.

But now... Nada. That will all change on Monday morning when real teaching and assignments begin. By Wednesday, I will probably be sinking in a sea of papers to grade.

Today is the last day of achievement testing. The lazy side of me thinks this is the best week of the year. That part of me likes passing out long, tedious assignments and enjoying the silence as the students remain in their seats staring down at the tasks in front of them.

We have eight more weeks of classes... Just eight!!!

And now I have nothing else to talk about.

I can add blogging to my list of things to do (that I've already done...).

I wish I had a book.