I would like to embrace the grandma-ish life of an elementary school teacher and go to bed at nine every night.

However.

Nine seems to always turn into ten.

It's disappointing.

Today we worked until five. We had parent conferences from 1-5. I've had very few parent conferences up until this point in my career. This year, I've had MORE THAN ENOUGH to make up for the last three years combined. They weren't kidding when they talked about pressure and overinvolvement from the parents.

Although it made for a long a tiring day, I am thankful to say that they all went well. Praise the Lord! Then I ate Shells and Cheese and soaked up some community with 50 people eating birthday cake and ice cream in a small house. This really is a special place... I know I'll miss it.

There may also be some other news to be shared soon, but my mom's been in Indiana all week, and I need to talk to her about it with voices first rather than through an impersonal blog.

But let's just say that debt seems overwhelming. I don't have any right now. But I guess I will eventually.

My favorite time of each day here is at night. I brush my teeth and put on a soft t-shirt (that is, if I haven't been in my pajamas since 3:00!)... I turn on my fan and sound machine to relax to the steady hum. My lamp is on, and my overhead light is off. It's time to journal some prayers, read through/pray through Operation World (praying for Congo tonight...), and read the Scriptures from my Bible reading plan for the year.

This week is Psalms. It's been so refreshing after many hours of Leviticus, Numbers, Joshua, and Judges...

I know it's an extra good night in the Word when I have to get out of bed to grab a notecard to share a verse with someone or when I have to get my laptop to blog... Tonight called for both.

Kirsten and I have struggled together this year. Teaching 5th grade has been hard. She's so much stronger than I could ever be. Sometimes I don't know how she keeps facing her class day after day. As I read about David as he felt watched, targeted, trapped, and judged (and even chased) by his enemies, I thought of our students. I don't want to say that they're our enemies, but sometimes, when they're in full rebellion and attack mode, they act like it. Yet I'm encouraged by verses like this:

"You have kept count of my tossings,
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that God is for me."
Psalm 56:8-9

God is for me. And He KNOWS when I cry.

The verse that filled me with the urge to be an obnoxious blogger breaking the "maximum of one post a day" secret code was this:

"Look to the right and see:
there is none who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains for me;
no one cares for my soul."
Psalm 142:4

I know that lots of people here care about me, but they don't know me or care for me like my family does. This whole growing up thing is hard... As I've faced new and different challenges this year, I've longed for the days when I lived with my parents and they took care of me. They cared for my soul, and they also met my physical needs, cared for my emotions, and invested in my developing character. My home was a place of refuge, and I could fully rest because I knew they were protecting me, giving me what I needed, and supporting me.

So tonight as I read that and thought about how thankful I am to have a childhood that doesn't identify on this verse at all, even on a pity-party day when I may think it's telling my current story, I realized that there are lots of children out there who know the feelings associated with this verse. For them, there is no refuge. There is no one caring for their soul - or just caring for their heart after a hard day at school...

I often feel exhausted enough just trying to take care of myself and hold it all together, but remembering this reality reminds me that I want to take care of others. To provide a home that is a place of refuge, where souls and hearts can be cared for.

I think I would really like to foster and/or adopt someday...

Seriously... What in the world happened to my right to title a post?

My emotions are all over the place tonight. I'm tired from school and thankful tomorrow is a half-day, but I'm also thinking that parent conferences can be just as exhausting as dealing with kids. Ooh, that reminds me that I need to work on a few calculations to make sure I can tell some of the parents about the grades their kids have to make to pass. I've never (never in all of my three prior classes) failed someone. Yikes...

I know I've been a little obnoxious with my ever-changing blog design lately... Those of you using Google Reader or something similar have been blessed. And yet, I think I'll change it again. Maybe tonight. These colors looked pretty the other day. Now they look like a 90's beach house or a couch from the set of The Golden Girls. I think it has to do with my desire for control. There once was a time when I would rearrange my bedroom/clean it out hardcore as a way to take some control in a life that felt out of it... Maybe now I'm physically lazy and have traded in the movement of furniture for the exchange of colors and designs in a virtual world...

My students have been pretty good this week. Eduardo has been in an uncharacteristically good mood. I like that, except for the fact that it makes him silly and he refuses to take anything seriously. He's either hot or cold. He's either hating the world and completely resistant to anything we do, or he's constantly goofing off. Apparently he thrives on my laughter. He's silly and goofs off, and if I think it's the wrong time or place, I obviously give him the teacher look. His immediate response is, "Miss! Laugh!" He wants me to think he's funny. I'm just glad he cares.

I wonder if I'll ever be cultured... I wonder if I'll ever be eclectic and read impressive books, sip hot tea, and have a style that's envied. Probably not... Maybe it's once plain, always plain.

Although I'm thinking about making myself a list of 50ish must-read classics as a goal for the next three years or so.

But even if I do, maybe I'll just stick to sweet tea.

Home... home... home... home... home... home...

Family is much more lovable when you miss them.

I don't like confrontation. It's kind of weird because when faced with it, I usually rise to the occasion. But I don't like to initiate it. I would rather avoid it if at all possible.

I had curry tonight for the first time. Ehh. I could eat it and I could do without it.

Okay. Time for grades, blog design, and nightly Bible reading... Where does the night go???

I just pigged out on watermelon. In April. It actually wasn't as good as the ones my mom and I pigged out on in March. You win some, you lose some. This one wasn't a loss. It just wasn't a blow-out using the mercy rule. And with a little salt, it was still too good for self-control.

Yay for living in a country where watermelon grows year-round!

Today we started standardized testing. My kids were incredible. They were patient and hard-working and silent outside the room and quiet inside the room. I was overjoyed to realize once again that I really do have the very best class of the 5th grade.

Four of my girls stayed after school to hang out at my apartment as a reward for good behavior. I took them to the cafeteria and bought them snacks. We attempted to "cook" something, but it was their recipe and something went wrong. It was basically warm, liquid sugar. So of course they still said it was good. I said it was gross. We watched Youtube videos and then I taught them how to play Phase 10.

It was all good until we realized there was some miscommunication about the time for them to be picked up... Let's just say one girl was picked up about 30 minutes late, and another was picked up about an hour and 40 minutes late!

I was just sad for her... That made for a really long day, and I know she was bored while we waited. I found it relaxing in some ways though. It was nice to sit outside and to be still and just talk to someone without being attached to a computer. I like her a lot. She wants to go to Johns Hopkins University and to become a plastic surgeon. I love when kids have big dreams, even when I know it's possible that God will change those dreams before they become reality...

I think I'm getting a little too caught up in counting down to the end. Last night's Esther study reminded us that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength... not those who wait on an event. Only the Lord can sustain us until the end and renew our strength.

I've kind of been struggling with my principal lately. I've hit a streak where I feel like nothing I do is right. I've never been one to make a constant trail of mistakes... I'm not sure if the Lord is trying to use this to work on my humility or something, but I would definitely say that's what's happening. It just kind of stinks to feel watched at all the wrong times...

Okay... It's almost my bed time, and I still need to read some Psalms and a little bit of It's Your First Crush, Charlie Brown. Pablo loaned it to me. He wants me to read it to find out if I really like Peanuts cartoons.

Oh Pablo...

Blogger is no longer giving me the option to create titles for my posts. I hope that doesn't matter...

Big things are happening here at Pinares. People are deciding whether or not to return for another year. People are getting engaged. And I recently rearranged my bedroom furniture. :)

This morning was good. This afternoon was hard. Such is life.

I'm wondering if a day will come when it doesn't get to me.

Today, I recovered by collapsing onto my bed at 3:15 and staying there (with intermittant light sleeping) until almost 5:00.

Then my workout was harder than usual. My body didn't want to get out of bed, much less off the floor...

Tomorrow is Friday. This too shall pass.

I've been keeping my eye on the job postings on the website of the State Department of Education along with the classifieds on al.com. I'm not so much a fan of not knowing God's next steps in His plan for me. Apparently my Honduran life is more out of the loop than I realized. The economy/job market hasn't improved as much as I thought... There's not much out there. If anyone knows of anything full time or part time, teaching or otherwise, hook a sister up. Of course, I know I'm limiting myself by trying to stick with the Birmingham area, but I really want to be closer to family, back in my church, and possibly even close to UAB for a Master's in Education. I'm starting to lean toward a future working with teachers rather than kids, and that demands more experience and more education. Who knows...

Oh, and if anyone knows of a free or CHEAP place to live in Birmingham next year, also let me know. It would be nice to let my parents try out the whole empty nest thing and to not be an hour north of Birmingham. Seeing as how I'll probably be working the drive thru at Taco Bell or selling Avon, it would be nice to find something extremely affordable in order to pay for grad school and living and to still break even. Is that even possible? Ugh. Debt is not desirable.

I'll be home in 73 days.

And I REALLY enjoy refrigerated Oreos.

With the exception of missing my little sister's 18th birthday and her family dinner at Jim 'N Nick's (my FAVORITE!), today was positively delightful...
Praise the Lord, my day at school was enjoyable and I maintained the joyful, loving, easygoing spirit, that I often long for, all day long.
Then I cooked a roommate dinner without stressing or taking forever, and managed to finish it all at the same time so that everything could be served hot and on schedule! Maybe I will make a decent wife someday (if cooking successfully timing and cooking a hot meal determines the quality of a wife... I'm not sure it does.). Anyway, I'm glad I get time to practice. :)
After that, I embraced a bit of community and joined about 30 of my co-workers in another apartment to eat cake and celebrate a birthday... The atmosphere was nice, and it was great to spend time with everyone all in one place at one time.
Then I cleaned up the kitchen and read aloud to Erika... We're currently working on Beth Moore's newest book called So Long Insecurity. (I may secretly be enjoying our bonding and discussion even more than the actual text. I don't think people make reading a communal activity nearly enough these days...)
And now I'm relaxing in the glow of twinkle lights in my bedroom and reminiscing to the sounds of the Caedmon's Call album 40 Acres (from 1999!)... This cd was very influential for me and my developing faith and relationship with Christ around my 9th grade year, long before Shane and Shane or Hillsong...

I get turned around, and I mistake my happiness for blessing...

I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes...

Semi-quick update...

It's almost midnight, and I'm still awake... That can't last much longer. After all, I only have one more day of being able to sleep until ten (or whenever the crazy bird sounds and sunlight decide to invade my ears and eyeballs). :)

Today was nice. Hannah made homemade cinnamon rolls (a family holiday tradition) and invited me over for breakfast. Then we went to church at Impacto which was weird because it was very much like every other Sunday with the exception of a noticably low attendance. Latin America seems to focus more on remembering the death on Friday rather than the resurrection on Sunday. It just seems twisted. Then we had lunch at TGI Friday's and saw Invictus. (I highly recommend it...) We shopped for groceries and took a taxi back home.

Sidenote: I took a taxi for the first time in my life (I think) when I was in NYC last May. I thought it was so glamorous. After this year, I'll be more than okay if I never take another taxi again. :)

We return to school on Tuesday, so tomorrow is the day to get everything ready for the next ten weeks. We'll be pushing through without any scheduled days off, so I want to be ready... It is my goal to lighten up on my kids a little bit so that I can enjoy them more and to also try to lighten my paperwork load (i.e. grading). So tonight, I typed up a list of every subject and the assignments that I frequently (mostly weekly) have to grade. Then I figured out it's no wonder I get burned out! As a bare minimum, if we don't have any extra tests or assignments at all in science/health or social studies, I grade 242 papers per week... I bet that easily escalates over 300 or 350 most of the time. And when you teach elementary school, grading time just doesn't seem to happen during the day...

But anyway. Maybe it will. And maybe I will get better about being productive during the breaks that I do have...

And maybe I'll figure out how to be a better teacher next time around. :)