It's ironic, really...

(Sorry for writing twice in one night...)

In our church's year-long Bible reading plan, we just finished Genesis. We're reading in somewhat of a chronological order, so we're actually not jumping into Exodus next.

We're studying Job.

This is just a little bit scary to me because in the summer of 2005, I was full of self-pity one Sunday night, so I climbed up on my bunk bed at camp and decided to read Job before I went to sleep. Then a friend needed me to climb down and help her, and my climb down quickly turned into a fall and I shattered my arm.

I was reading Job and asking God why He was allowing me to suffer - and let me tell you... I wasn't suffering.

So what about now? Is this really suffering? Or is it just pouting?

I wish I could copy and paste from the commentary/reading guide that we're using, but we've been told that we're not allowed to share or reproduce it, so I'll paraphrase. I hope that's okay.

He compared Job's suffering with that of Joseph and highlighted the fact that Joseph's suffering served a very specific purpose. On the contrary, a reason was never really given for Job's trials. He said it helps us to think about times in our lives when it's just suffering for the sake of suffering... When our suffering seems meaningless. Then he encourages those who are suffering to pray and to commit to trust the Lord through it all, and he tells those who aren't suffering at this time to pray for someone who is.

Sometimes I feel like my mom is a bit prophetic. As I prepared to come down here, she told me repeatedly that it would be hard, but she compared it to my high school experience and other things over the course of my life and said she had no doubt that I could stick it out. I'm pretty sure that we all thought she meant it would be hard to be away from home and family or that it would be hard to be in another country. (Those things are true but aren't the worst...) I never even considered that my teaching experience would become such a trial.

It's funny though. I remember having teachers at Locust Fork who, when we would complain about a headache or a sore throat or something, would offer to stomp our toes to make us forget about the other pain.

This is becoming a bit like that. Three weeks ago, I was sad that I wasn't in Alabama. Today - I'm content in that area. But maybe it's just because my class spent the day stomping on my toes... :)

It's only 8:10 - and I'm going to bed. I'll try again tomorrow.

His mercies are new every morning, right? Right.

Why?

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

Today was awful.

I cried.

I fought back the tears while in the presence of my students, and then when they got on their buses, I couldn't hold them in anymore.

And why did I cry?

Because I'm tired of fighting them.

I'm tired of feeling strong and prepared on the weekends as I pray desperately for strength and miracles and wisdom and patience, only to run smack into Monday and to feel like a failure.

I'm tired of the power that ten and eleven-year-olds have to ruin my day and to make be doubt myself, my callings, and my abilities.

All I can figure out is that God is trying to teach me about perseverance and endurance...

But I'm a bad student to Him just as they can be to me.

In our Bible study last night, Beth Moore quoted 1 Corinthians 1:26-31.

26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

She talked about all the circumstances in which we "are not."

I am not strong enough for this.

I am not a good enough teacher for this.

I am not patient enough with my students.

But He chooses the things that are not. And He does it so that when it's all said and done, all we can do is say that He got us through it - because we did not have it under control.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better. Then school is cancelled on Wednesday because of the presidential inauguration and the demonstrations that are bound to take place all over the city. Thursday is a Day 4 - my easy day... Then we have a half-day on Friday.

I can do this...

I can do this...

Abundantly blessed

Tonight I am writing from my king-size bed at the Intercontinental Hotel in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. It brings tears to my eyes to realize how abundantly blessed that I am. Today was the last day of our second quarter, and that means we are half-way through the school year. In order to celebrate, rest, relax, and prepare for the next two quarters, I am taking my very own weekend retreat!

It's so nice to have so many of the comforts that we dont have at Pinares such as a large bed, air-conditioning, a large flat-screen tv, hot water that doesn't have to come out of a widow-maker, and a bathtub!!! Sometimes we take these things for granted at home, but I hope that I never do again. At the same time, it's nice to know that I am just fine without them.

Most importantly, I have come here by myself for refreshed independence and time with the Lord in His Word and in journaling my prayers. I hope and pray that this is a weekend of refreshment and revelation.

Here are a few pictures that I took when I entered my room and squealed with delight this evening... I even Skype-called my mom a little bit ago and said, "Can't I stay here until June?!?!" I mean, isn't there some sort of hotel-ministry that I could do??? :)

I think that bathtub is calling my name! I'll write again soon when I return to the land of grades, lesson plans, classroom discipline, and REPORT CARDS...

Adios!

I crave the drama...

So I'm realizing more and more that I apparently crave drama. I don't think I know how to live life without it anymore. In friendships, in relationships, in decisions (and indecision) about the future - I don't just always have drama. I think I create it.

So maybe today is the day.

Today is the day to make a change.

Do I know what will happen next year? No. And it's time to admit that and stop making predictions.

It's time to be more careful with other people.

It's time to grow up and cut out the drama.

In other news, I may be "coaching" a new cheerleading squad/pep club that they're starting in the high school. Haha... Getting involved in cheerleading again. That doesn't sound like a good start to cutting out drama!

LOOK! :)

I made the Brook Hills website! :)

And it's just in time too. These kids are in rare form, even for them...

Oh, Day 3...

Our school has this weird schedule that we follow based on Days 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 instead of just Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Today is Day 3. Day 3 is my least favorite day of the entire week, because as you can see, my main break occurs from 7:45-8:15. At this hour, I have little to no desire to do anything productive in the way of teacher responsibilities. No one wants to grade papers or plan lessons at 7:45 in the morning! Of course, Day 3 is followed by my favorite day... Day 4! Lots of breaks and times of productivity occur on Day 4. :)

So here I am. My kids are at PE, and I am blogging. :)

I've really questioned throughout this journey why God would show me the poor side of Honduras and help me to love them and then send me to the wealthiest side. But who am I to judge who knows Him or needs Him and where He wants me?

In the Passport class that I taught at Brook Hills last year, we talked about a multiplication Gospel instead of an addition Gospel. If each person invests in a small group, and each of those in turn invest in a small group, and so on - the the Gospel spreads much more rapidly than if we all just pour into one.

So this year, my "small group" is composed of 22 fifth graders who have way more potential than I do to help the spiritually and physically poor of Honduras. Perhaps if I, and the other teachers here, share our hearts with them, God will lead them (at least some of them) toward making a tremendous difference in the future.

I feel like I'm finally getting it. :)

Please pray for the other new fifth grade teacher, Kirsten Lundgren. She is a first-year teacher who was given what is probably the worst class in the entire elementary school. I know that being here has been a struggle for her, and each day feels like a losing battle. Please pray that God will give her strength to persevere and change her students' hearts, words, and actions.

Weekend happenings...

I love the weekends...

Friday night, I felt like a normal person. I felt like I had a life for the first time in about a week... A group of us went down the mountain right after school to go to dinner at a nice-ish Italian restaurant. The food, the company, and the conversations were enjoyable. Then we went bowling, where I proceeded to give a less than mediocre performance. Nonetheless, I enjoyed myself and the freedom of my youth. :)

Yesterday, I skipped the 6:30am market run and opted to sleep in a little bit. The weather has been really gorgeous this weekend, so Sarah and I went for a walk before going into the city for lunch and to check out a gym that we're thinking of joining. With all that walking around in a tank top, my shoulders were left feeling a little crisp - in January!!!

At 2:30, we met up with some people in El Centro and went to volunteer at the feeding center. We drove through Comayaguela and over some really rough "dirt roads" until we got to the center. Even though I live in Honduras, sometimes it can be shocking when I come face-to-face with poverty and poor living conditions. I was thrilled though when the kids saw us walking up the road and came running to greet and hug us! I actually had a really bad headache while we were there, and I was intimidated by by lacking knowledge of Spanish, but otherwise - I really enjoyed it. I'm supposed to start going there every other Saturday, so I wanted to take a few pictures to share with everyone. I'll include those on the end of this post...

Today was church at Impacto and lots of lazy time watching TV.

The last two weeks feel like they have gone by pretty quickly, and I'm feeling better physically and emotionally. I know that God is answering the prayers that are being lifted on my behalf, and I'm thankful.

I have so much to learn.

One of the high school counselors is reading the book Forgotten God by Francis Chan, and I'm going to borrow it when she is finished. Last night, she posted a couple of quotes on her blog that really got all over my toes... I'll leave you with those and the pictures.

- when you so casually say you were "called to a place" what do you mean? what would that place look like if you weren't there? what would the church look like if everyone gave and served and loved like you do... would it be healthy?

- God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it's absolutely vital to grasp that He didn't call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace.