And the greatest of these is love...

I was late for devotions this morning (as usual...). I don't know what my problem is. I usually consider myself to be a fairly punctual person. However, when it comes to devotions at 6:55 - it's like there's a magnetic force holding me in my apartment no matter how early I get up.

When I walked in, I was surprised to see one of our newest employees, who has been here for about a week or two, sharing. It just seemed like it was a little early for him to be in the devotion rotation. Anyway - I'm sad that I missed part of what he shared because it's obvious that it really meant a lot to a lot of people, and it's come up in bits and pieces of conversations throughout the day.

He was talking about love, and he questioned and challenged how well we show genuine love to people who are hard to love.

He talked about how faith, hope, and love abide; but the greatest of these is love. Why is love the greatest? Because it is the only one that will never change. One day, faith will be sight and hope will be reality - but love is everlasting.

He read 1 Corinthians 13 and was choked up all the way through it.

In his translation, it said love is not easily angered - and that really resounded with me as I thought about how often my class feels hard to love. That has really been something I have been challenged with this year. Even when they are being loud or silly or rude and I can't hear myself think, much less get a word in edgewise, I'm learning to not be easily angered. Even when I'm displeased, I can be calm and just wait.

As I've gone through my day and heard more about what he shared, I learned that he really focused on the truth from 1 John 4:8 which says, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."

If God is love, then 1 Corinthians 13 changes - and it is no longer just an impossible and overwhelming list of rules about how we should love our spouse or our children or our annoying students... It becomes more like something we receive...

God is patient.

God is kind.

God does not envy.

He does not boast.

He is not proud.

God is not rude.

He is not self-seeking.

God is not easily angered.

God keeps no record of wrongs. (because of the blood of Christ!)

He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

God always protects...

Always trusts...

Always hopes...

Always perseveres...

God never fails.

My cup overflows... :)

This morning, as I rode on the school bus through the city on the way to church and looked around at this place that I call "home" this year, I struggled to fight back tears of joy and thanksgiving. I LOVE IT HERE. As I look at the people and the places, all I see is beauty...

Last night, I was journaling my prayers, and this is part of what I wrote:

"The blessings in my life abound. I can't believe this is the life You've chosen for me. It actually feels too good, like something really bad is going to happen soon.
I am so thankful that I can cling to You for stability. This year feels like it should be a valley because my life is harder, I'm away from my family, my class is worse, my living situation is awkward, etc. However, this feels like a mountaintop.
And yet I haven't done anything to deserve it.
But You have not only given me everything I need... You've given me so much of everything that I want."

One of the newest additions to the list of experiences here was going to the stadium in the city last night to watch Honduras beat Latvia 2-1. It was really loud... A lot of the fans buy these plastic horns and basically blow on them through the WHOLE game... It's better to sit close to the top so nothing gets thrown on you, but seats are first-come, first-serve. There are people walking through the stands selling beer, food, cigarettes, gum, and more - and they walk through the seats and basically climb and drip all over you. That wasn't my favorite part. However, I thoroughly enjoyed jumping and singing "Ole!!! Ole! Ole! Oleeeee!!!" when we scored. And - Hondurans like to do the wave too! :)

I feel like I'm learning so much here. I really hope it all sinks in so I can genuinely look back on this as a life-changing experience.

This morning, I was really convicted about some grand statements that I've made lately that have revealed a lack of submission in my life - as if I think I'm in control and making my own plans which I expect others to try to fit into. I'm learning that God is the provider of life to the fullest - not matter where that life is planted. It's His time. It's His place. It's His job. It's His family. It's His friends. It's His ministry. It's His heart...

What a week...

This week has been a whirl-wind. It's nice to sit back and realize that it went by quickly. On the other hand, weeks like this demand downtime for recovery...

Most of my days were crazy as usual. We had some rough moments - like this morning when Roberto turned to me and said over all the noise going on during unpacking time, "Miss... I can't hear myself think!" I told him, "I know. That's how I feel all the time!" And yet - what's the solution? Yelling over them to tell them to quiet down seems oddly inappropriate. We also had some good times... Our Bible lesson this week was about the Ten Commandments (which was nice considering I taught about them at camp this summer) and I definitely taught my kids the song that has helped me remember them ever since VBS in 2001. They were part of the theme song for Truth Trackers, and now they'll hopefully stick in the minds of 21 Hondurans and 1 North American...

Speaking of singing, they also insisted on calling my daddy and singing "Happy Birthday" to him via Skype this morning. It was something we did for Mom, and they didn't want him to be left out.

Happy birthday, Daddy!

Tuesday and Wednesday were half-days for the students so we could spend our afternoons conferencing with parents. Here at Pinares, students can only receive their 9-week report cards if their parents come pick them up at a parent teacher conference. This was a new experience for me because although we were "required" to have two parent conferences per year at Vincent, it never really happened. As it turns out, I believe conferences hold the teacher accountable just as much as the students... It is a time to look into the eyes of someone who cares deeply and to really evaluate the grades much more closely than when they are just entered into the gradebook or computer as quickly as possible.

So in that light, there's nothing quite like 21 parent-teacher conferences in 28 hours to make you feel like a terrible teacher. After all, if they're failing - is it because I'm failing them?

And those same 21 parent-teacher conferences can also leave you feeling very inexperienced and clueless. What do you say when a parent looks at you helplessly and asks, "So what do we do to help her (or him)?"

So - I've tried to raise the bar on my teaching this week. I feel like I've spent the last nine weeks trying to keep things fun for the kids to minimize boredom. I've constantly focused on switching up my instructional methods from whole-group to small groups to partners to independent studies in order to fight against routine and to keep the kids interested while simultaneously minimizing protests and complaining. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I've had learning that results from quality instruction at the top of my priority list. This week I realized that their growth has to come before their entertainment.

So this week, I've tried to be much more hands-on... Of course, I can't promise that they're listening. In fact, with this group - I can pretty much guarantee that at least a fourth of them are not at any given time. However, it seems like this will be a year when at the very least, I won't go down without a fight... Unfortunately, this has also meant that productivity on tasks such as grading and lesson plans was lowered drastically during the school day. It's funny because we're required to have our weekly lesson plans finished and papers graded by Friday afternoons. That means that we have to do it all during the week. It's nice to try to quit the habit of spending each weekend on school things, but it's funny because the weekend sometimes feels like the only time when the days are long enough to get anything done. So the battle ensues between dedicating devoted attention to instruction and monitoring students' work all day, or using testing and assignment times to accomplish tasks that could consume the after-school hours.

I feel like I'm rambling.

A few days ago, someone asked me how long I've been teaching... That's such an awkward question because I've technically taught for two and a half years (three as of next month) - but this is my fourth class.

I can't believe that. This is my fourth class...

I've taught about 95 kids - and if they remember me as they grow up, I will forever be included in the list of their elementary school teachers. I still remember every teacher I had when I was little... I can't believe I am one of them now.

So tonight has turned into a night of movies and coloring. Yes. That's right. I'm 25 years old and I've been coloring for a few hours. It's very relaxing. So are You've Got Mail (my favorite!) and Sweet Home Alabama. In fact - it's time for a dvd change. On to Serendipity... :)

Oh, and it's also past time to call Mom.

But before I do, I know I need to add a few things to my list of things that I can't wait to do over Christmas break - I'll be coming home five weeks from tomorrow!!!!!!!

• burn the midnight oil at Jason's Deli with Megan (and hopefully Tina, Lolita, Big Rhonda, and Milton Thorton - if they decide to show up) and maybe even a sleepover!
• finally hear the story of Sarah's engagement (and if you're reading this and you know it, please don't ruin it for me... I've been waiting until she can tell me in person!) and maybe even see her new house.
• hopefully have dinner and spend a little time with Charli the girl... :)
• eat at Chickfila, Jim n Nick's, Zaxby's, Taco Bell, Don Pepe, and Mi Casita...

I'm not sure two weeks and two days are enough time for all these wonderful blessings...

In the holiday spirit...

So - visions of sugar-plums have been dancing in my head all day... Except not really. But I have definitely had Christmas on the brain! We've got a bit of a cold snap going on here, so maybe that's part of it... It really hit me this morning that the next time I am home - it will be full-on Christmas season! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!

I can't wait to:

• go to the Brook Hills Christmas Eve service
• drive around looking at Christmas lights
• go to Starbucks for hot chocolate
• drive past the Summit to see if they have the dreidels again
• eat lots of yummy food... :)
• watch Christmas movies (Elf and The Santa Clause!)
• give and receive gifts
• drive Caroline and listen to 96.5 (confession - i'm streaming it right now!!!!)
• sleep in my bed
• spend time with my family
• see Faith, Katherine, Leslie, and Mrs. Leigh Ann
• see Jera, John, Rachel, and lots of extended family!!!
• see the boy
• see Miranda and Nashville
• go to Brook Hills on Dec. 20th, Dec. 27th, and Jan. 3rd!!!!!!!!!!

I've definitely had, "Oh there's no place like home for the holidays... 'Cause no matter how far away you roam... If you want to be happy in a million ways... For the holidays you can't beat home, sweet home" stuck in my head ALL DAY. But I think it's been more like the version from the Lowe's commercial. How weird is that? I'm not even sure I've seen that commercial. (I did, however, see a commercial for Taco Bell that made me a little misty-eyed last night.)

If I had twinkle lights - I would untangle and hang them tonight!

But since I don't, I'll just decorate the blog. That's right - I'm skipping Thanksgiving. It's okay though. One of my students told me on Monday that his family put up their tree last weekend! :)

Perfectionism and Failure...

My momma says I don’t update this enough anymore. If Momma says you should do something, you’d better do it without questioning…

I’m still working my way, a few days a week, through Beth Moore’s Bible study workbook on Esther. I love how even in my inconsistency with it, the lessons delivered come with perfect timing.

Today wasn’t particularly wonderful or terrible. I had a little bit of a sore throat, so I didn’t really have the energy to fight against incessant talking and silliness. At the end of the day, I just felt like being quiet and being alone.

I came home to a Bible study lesson administering a warning about perfectionism… It questioned when Haman started on the path that was focused on the pursuit of greatness but that lead toward his decisions and his destruction. Then it told the story of a woman who was told throughout her childhood that she was destined for greatness. After many years of adulthood that did not meet the expectations built up for her, she said, “If your identity is wrapped in the magnificent things you’re destined to achieve – as a great writer, musician, scientist, politician, chef – the thought that you might produce something mediocre can be devastating.”

This is so true in my own life. I’ve always been successful in my endeavors. Even in teaching, I have received many words of affirmation and encouragement claiming that I have a natural gift that shines past my youth and inexperience. Yet, here I am – clueless. And to me, the worst part is facing what I view as failure day after day and continuously realizing and admitting that I’m not sure of the best ways to reach and teach these kids.

And I’ve left behind a job where I received ample praise for one where I often feel unnoticed or seen only for my class’s problems.

But then there is this challenge filled with hope:

“Christ summons the disillusioned to the paradoxical bliss of spilling life lavishly, sacrificially for the glory of God and the good of man. Those with presence of mind and semblance of health are called to pour out the drink offering of their lives until the cup is overturned and every drop of energy slips – perhaps unnoticed, uncelebrated – into the vast ocean of earthly need. The last imperceptible drop of your well-lived life will sound to the hosts of heaven like a tidal wave hitting the floor of the Grand Canyon.
In effect Christ says, 'I'm already great enough for both of us,' relieving the willing of their woeful burden. 'Just follow me.'”

So I have to question myself…

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

Am I satisfied with only God’s pleasure in my desire and effort to live out His calling?

I love market day....

These are just some of the reasons I love market days... Some other reasons include fresh pineapple, limes, onions, and more. Apparently grapefruit are delicious, and I've been missing out all these years. And I love the prices. I got 7 grapefruit for about fifty cents. I got all those green beans for about fifty cents. I got lettuce for twenty-five cents, and broccoli for the same price. The corn was a dollar. The most expensive items were the tomatoes and the strawberries. Both were $1.50 for the amounts that I selected. The peppers were five cents each, and the cucumbers were 3 for fifty cents. I'm not really sure yet what I will do with the carrots, but I got all of them and two onions for a dollar. Wow... I will miss this when it's not available to me anymore. (If these prices are the same as those back home - please don't burst my bubble... I have never exactly been a produce connoisseur.)

I also got to see my favorite market lady again today, and she remembered me! She asked how my birthday was and if I had cake. I finally remembered to ask her name. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at understanding Spanish names yet. I think she said her name is Juanita, so I'll just go with that until I find out something different. haha... I love visiting her and supporting her. I'm excited to build a familiarity there.

This week has been pretty reflective for me. On Tuesday afternoon, Sarah and I spontaneously ventured into the city to a coffee shop called Espresso Americana. I, of course, got something other than coffee, and then we walked around El Centro and looked around in some second-hand shops. I love the moments like that when I look around and say, "I live in Honduras." And the thing is, I absolutely love it. I'm still a little unsure about my love for this school or for my job in general - but I LOVE this country. I love seeing the mountains and the tropical trees and flowers. I love hearing the language and walking through the streets on the crazy or nonexistant sidewalks. I think the people are beautiful. Tomorrow is the three-month anniversary of the day when I got on that plane by myself and ventured into the unknown. It's so different from home, but I think it's wonderful.

I wish I could say that I knew why the Lord wanted me to spend time here, but I'm not completely sure. The ministry to and love for my class here feels pretty equivalent to what I had at Vincent. Actually, it was easier to love the kids at home. I've struggled a lot already with my class. On days when they're driving me nuts, I would describe them as loud, rude, disrespectful, and selfish. On the good days, I try to say they're fun or entertaining. I'm learning that my love for others is often extremely conditional - but it's not supposed to be...

So in that way, I'm learning about unconditional love - like the love that my heavenly Father has for me... He doesn't love me more on a day when I follow the rules and am well-behaved. And He doesn't love me less when I'm particularly selfish or defiant.

He just loves me.

It's so humbling to realize you're receiving something every single day of your life that you do not deserve.

I'm learning about grace.

And I think that when you become so highly aware of receiving it, it makes it easier to give.

I'm seeing that in my relationships. When someone else sees past your weaknesses and faults and imperfections and they still want to be with you - it's humbling. And when you become increasingly more aware of the grace being given to you, there's this natural response of grace given in return that stems from such an overflow of gratitude. I've been observing the marriages around me, and I think it's just one more (major) way that marriage reflects the relationship of Christ and the church.

Anyway... That's enough deep-thinking for one post. I've got Skype conversations to have and fruits and veggies to put away. Goodnight! :)

My birthday!!!

So this is a little delayed, since my birthday was October 24th - but I finally got my birthday pictures from Melissa's camera! I had an incredible day here celebrating 25... It all started at the market bright and early where some of my friends talked to the man on the microphone and got him to announce my birthday to everyone. Then Joy used the mic to lead the whole market in singing happy birthday to me in Spanish. After shopping, my care group took me to brunch at the Intercontinental Hotel. It was delicious, and I felt like a spoiled princess. We took our time and ate way too much. Then we hung out by the pool for a little while before doing a little shopping at the mall and going to see a movie. Then my day was completed by flowers, birthday brownies made from scratch, games, and Skype. :)

You can see more pictures by clicking here!