Thursday, November 12, 2009

In the holiday spirit...

So - visions of sugar-plums have been dancing in my head all day... Except not really. But I have definitely had Christmas on the brain! We've got a bit of a cold snap going on here, so maybe that's part of it... It really hit me this morning that the next time I am home - it will be full-on Christmas season! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!

I can't wait to:
  • go to the Brook Hills Christmas Eve service
  • drive around looking at Christmas lights
  • go to Starbucks for hot chocolate
  • drive past the Summit to see if they have the dreidels again
  • eat lots of yummy food... :)
  • watch Christmas movies (Elf and The Santa Clause!)
  • give and receive gifts
  • drive Caroline and listen to 96.5 (confession - i'm streaming it right now!!!!)
  • sleep in my bed
  • spend time with my family
  • see Faith, Katherine, Leslie, and Mrs. Leigh Ann
  • see Jera, John, Rachel, and lots of extended family!!!
  • see the boy
  • see Miranda and Nashville
  • go to Brook Hills on Dec. 20th, Dec. 27th, and Jan. 3rd!!!!!!!!!!

I've definitely had, "Oh there's no place like home for the holidays... 'Cause no matter how far away you roam... If you want to be happy in a million ways... For the holidays you can't beat home, sweet home" stuck in my head ALL DAY. But I think it's been more like the version from the Lowe's commercial. How weird is that? I'm not even sure I've seen that commercial. (I did, however, see a commercial for Taco Bell that made me a little misty-eyed last night.)

If I had twinkle lights - I would untangle and hang them tonight!

But since I don't, I'll just decorate the blog. That's right - I'm skipping Thanksgiving. It's okay though. One of my students told me on Monday that his family put up their tree last weekend! :)

Monday, November 9, 2009

Perfectionism and Failure...

My momma says I don’t update this enough anymore. If Momma says you should do something, you’d better do it without questioning…

I’m still working my way, a few days a week, through Beth Moore’s Bible study workbook on Esther. I love how even in my inconsistency with it, the lessons delivered come with perfect timing.

Today wasn’t particularly wonderful or terrible. I had a little bit of a sore throat, so I didn’t really have the energy to fight against incessant talking and silliness. At the end of the day, I just felt like being quiet and being alone.

I came home to a Bible study lesson administering a warning about perfectionism… It questioned when Haman started on the path that was focused on the pursuit of greatness but that lead toward his decisions and his destruction. Then it told the story of a woman who was told throughout her childhood that she was destined for greatness. After many years of adulthood that did not meet the expectations built up for her, she said, “If your identity is wrapped in the magnificent things you’re destined to achieve – as a great writer, musician, scientist, politician, chef – the thought that you might produce something mediocre can be devastating.”

This is so true in my own life. I’ve always been successful in my endeavors. Even in teaching, I have received many words of affirmation and encouragement claiming that I have a natural gift that shines past my youth and inexperience. Yet, here I am – clueless. And to me, the worst part is facing what I view as failure day after day and continuously realizing and admitting that I’m not sure of the best ways to reach and teach these kids.

And I’ve left behind a job where I received ample praise for one where I often feel unnoticed or seen only for my class’s problems.

But then there is this challenge filled with hope:

“Christ summons the disillusioned to the paradoxical bliss of spilling life lavishly, sacrificially for the glory of God and the good of man. Those with presence of mind and semblance of health are called to pour out the drink offering of their lives until the cup is overturned and every drop of energy slips – perhaps unnoticed, uncelebrated – into the vast ocean of earthly need. The last imperceptible drop of your well-lived life will sound to the hosts of heaven like a tidal wave hitting the floor of the Grand Canyon.
In effect Christ says, 'I'm already great enough for both of us,' relieving the willing of their woeful burden. 'Just follow me.'”

So I have to question myself…

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

Am I satisfied with only God’s pleasure in my desire and effort to live out His calling?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I love market day....



These are just some of the reasons I love market days... Some other reasons include fresh pineapple, limes, onions, and more. Apparently grapefruit are delicious, and I've been missing out all these years. And I love the prices. I got 7 grapefruit for about fifty cents. I got all those green beans for about fifty cents. I got lettuce for twenty-five cents, and broccoli for the same price. The corn was a dollar. The most expensive items were the tomatoes and the strawberries. Both were $1.50 for the amounts that I selected. The peppers were five cents each, and the cucumbers were 3 for fifty cents. I'm not really sure yet what I will do with the carrots, but I got all of them and two onions for a dollar. Wow... I will miss this when it's not available to me anymore. (If these prices are the same as those back home - please don't burst my bubble... I have never exactly been a produce connoisseur.)
I also got to see my favorite market lady again today, and she remembered me! She asked how my birthday was and if I had cake. I finally remembered to ask her name. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at understanding Spanish names yet. I think she said her name is Juanita, so I'll just go with that until I find out something different. haha... I love visiting her and supporting her. I'm excited to build a familiarity there.
This week has been pretty reflective for me. On Tuesday afternoon, Sarah and I spontaneously ventured into the city to a coffee shop called Espresso Americana. I, of course, got something other than coffee, and then we walked around El Centro and looked around in some second-hand shops. I love the moments like that when I look around and say, "I live in Honduras." And the thing is, I absolutely love it. I'm still a little unsure about my love for this school or for my job in general - but I LOVE this country. I love seeing the mountains and the tropical trees and flowers. I love hearing the language and walking through the streets on the crazy or nonexistant sidewalks. I think the people are beautiful. Tomorrow is the three-month anniversary of the day when I got on that plane by myself and ventured into the unknown. It's so different from home, but I think it's wonderful.
I wish I could say that I knew why the Lord wanted me to spend time here, but I'm not completely sure. The ministry to and love for my class here feels pretty equivalent to what I had at Vincent. Actually, it was easier to love the kids at home. I've struggled a lot already with my class. On days when they're driving me nuts, I would describe them as loud, rude, disrespectful, and selfish. On the good days, I try to say they're fun or entertaining. I'm learning that my love for others is often extremely conditional - but it's not supposed to be...
So in that way, I'm learning about unconditional love - like the love that my heavenly Father has for me... He doesn't love me more on a day when I follow the rules and am well-behaved. And He doesn't love me less when I'm particularly selfish or defiant.
He just loves me.
It's so humbling to realize you're receiving something every single day of your life that you do not deserve.
I'm learning about grace.
And I think that when you become so highly aware of receiving it, it makes it easier to give.
I'm seeing that in my relationships. When someone else sees past your weaknesses and faults and imperfections and they still want to be with you - it's humbling. And when you become increasingly more aware of the grace being given to you, there's this natural response of grace given in return that stems from such an overflow of gratitude. I've been observing the marriages around me, and I think it's just one more (major) way that marriage reflects the relationship of Christ and the church.
Anyway... That's enough deep-thinking for one post. I've got Skype conversations to have and fruits and veggies to put away. Goodnight! :)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

My birthday!!!

So this is a little delayed, since my birthday was October 24th - but I finally got my birthday pictures from Melissa's camera! I had an incredible day here celebrating 25... It all started at the market bright and early where some of my friends talked to the man on the microphone and got him to announce my birthday to everyone. Then Joy used the mic to lead the whole market in singing happy birthday to me in Spanish. After shopping, my care group took me to brunch at the Intercontinental Hotel. It was delicious, and I felt like a spoiled princess. We took our time and ate way too much. Then we hung out by the pool for a little while before doing a little shopping at the mall and going to see a movie. Then my day was completed by flowers, birthday brownies made from scratch, games, and Skype. :)

You can see more pictures by clicking here!


Thursday, October 29, 2009

This morning

This morning I wish...

  • that papers graded themselves.
  • that mornings didn't come quite so early.
  • that December 19th wasn't seven weeks and 2 days away.
  • that flights were cheaper.
  • that fifth graders were more reserved and less needy.
  • that a Honduran would franchise a Chickfila.
  • that another Honduran would franchise a Zaxby's.
  • that I wasn't so addicted to my computer.
  • that feelings were more consistent and stable.
  • that Auburn was better at football.
  • that I knew a few more details of God's plan for my future (and maybe my present.)
  • that I was better at teaching Bible.
  • that I went to bed earlier last night.
  • that Honduras had fall.
  • that I knew what to share in staff devotions on Monday.
  • that I could take a vacation.
  • that I could hug Malie Kate and James and "see" the growth of Baby Alexander.
  • that I read more.
  • that I was reading in a hammock in the place that is pictured in my computer screen background.
  • that my sister had a full-ride to college with complete discernment about the direction of her future.
  • that my parents' home renovations were complete.
  • that I could spend an afternoon listening to southern gospel and playing Scrabble with my granny.

This morning I have:

  • beautiful sunshine streaming into my classroom with a gentle, refreshing breeze flowing through.
  • Dr. Pepper. :)
  • a radio station streaming Rick and Bubba into my headphones. Or are they called earbuds now?
  • 22 students who know how to do math but don't understand the wording of the questions on their test from the textbook and therefore may do very poorly.
  • a desire to just read aloud and not actually teach.
  • a love for Fruit Loops...
  • a gracious God.
  • an appreciation for children with accents.
  • a thankful heart for rebellious boys who finally decide to do their work and be agreeable - even if just for one or two days.
  • a stack of 22 post-it notes full of 5th grade prayer requests and praises - with only one for a dog.
  • a beautifully decorated classroom door.
  • a wonderful Honduran roommate with whom I hope to be lifelong friends.
  • internet in my classroom. :)
  • a new Brook Hills sermon downloaded to my podcast.
  • a sweet student who seems to think I need a pet.
  • excitement about the fact that tomorrow is pajama day. :)
  • a student reading over my shoulder and telling me to write in Spanish...
  • a need to stop blogging and start being a good teacher again. :)

Tengan un buen dia!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Written by a student...

This is a paragraph written by one of my students today...

"If I was a teacher for a day, I would be like Miss Bentone. I would be funy and kind. I would sho the students that we need to be pationt. I would show that all has a fruit of the spirit, and would show them to help pour people. Miss Bentone you are a good example for me thank you."

Apparently I'm not a great example of spelling or grammar - but this was so sweet!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Songs...

My sister and I have long been captivated by music, but we were born to a set of parents who just don't get it... (Love you Mom and Dad!) I remember numerous times during my teenage years when I would feel so moved by song lyrics and I would beg my mom to listen to the song, feeling ever hopeful that she would be emotionally moved and that her life would somehow be changed by the words, only to have her respond with lacking enthusiasm in comparison to my own. I've always said that I really like music, but that the lyrics were the most important part to me. I don't have a lot of technical knowledge, but if I think it sounds good and if I like the words, then I will probably really enjoy it. So here are some lyrics that are really catching my attention these days...

When I think about my life and the ways the Lord is working out the details of His plan for me:
Bring the Rain by Mercy Me
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain


This song played a pretty big role in my year of desiring an opportunity to serve the Lord in another country:
Stranger by Mandi Mapes
Father, what do you think of me
And my life?
What do I lack in Your eyes?
Gracious God, Please come and
Change my heart so I can be Your bride
I have nothing to offer
But when you're in me
Nothing is impossible
So we sing...
This world is not my home
I am a stranger in this country
Jesus in me
Will you pour me out
I'm ready to abandon
All my shiny things
My family
And this American dream, Lord
Come take it all from me
Until there's nothing left but You