Thoughts of leaving and thoughts of staying...

Today has been a day of peaceful contentment. As I rode around the bustling city full of cars, buses, motorcycles and the sounds of horns and traffic this morning on the way to and from the market that I love so dearly, I sometimes caught myself smiling for no reason - as if I had a secret that no one else knew.

I am in the center of my Heavenly Father's Will.

I am right where He wants me.

I have been extremely disappointed with myself this year. I have wanted to give up and go home more times than I can count. I hate that I have even considered that as an option and even given it any credit by emailing it and speaking it aloud.

Of course it's hard! Isn't it supposed to be hard? This is not just a physical battle related to living in a third-world country without safe independence or self-sufficiency. This is a spiritual battle. I moved here to fight a battle for 22 souls for 11 months. Now with so much time passed, I can see that I didn't know what I was walking into. It seems like a stronger, more committed, more energetic person would have been better for the job.

But God called me here.

There have been a few specific times when I thought I was finished. I thought I was empty and that I couldn't go on. Contract or no contract, for one reason or another, I thought it was time for me to board that plane and return to the safety, comfort, support, and love of my home.

But each time, my sovereign God closed that door and kept me here.

He has kept me in His will.

He held me where He wanted me.

Those days of wanting to give up and go home have been some of my absolute lowest points on this journey, but the time that has followed has proven every time to be a rebounding high.

That rebound is a time of confirmation. It is a time when I am reminded that for this entire school year, this is my life. My life is in Honduras. This year of my life is to be spent living on this mountain, teaching in that classroom, visiting that lady at the market, spending time with these friends, and documenting it on this blog.

Numbers 33:2 says that as the Israelites traveled and camped, Moses wrote down all of their starting places and kept records of their journey. Now I've been reading Deuteronomy, and I have felt so encouraged. Moses has been giving a powerful pep-talk to the Israelites before they finally go in and take possession of the land that they had been promised. Throughout the whole speech, he goes to great lengths to remind them of the grace and faithfulness of God as shown in His deliverance all that He had brought them through.

Sometimes it's important to look back and remember.

I came here on August 8, 2009. I have now been here for seven months and five days. The countdown on my Windows Sidebar says that I'll be coming home in three months and six days. As a teacher who is gearing up to teach about fractions, I'm really seeing that a majority is behind me and the days are flying by... My mom is coming on Thursday for a long weekend (woohoo!), and then Spring Break will begin the following weekend. When we return from traveling adventures scattered all over this hemisphere, we will review for a week and then spend a week on testing. By then, we'll be more than half-way through April.

And you know what? I will be here.

I will be here until June 20th because my God has confirmed that it is right for me to be here.