Blogger is no longer giving me the option to create titles for my posts. I hope that doesn't matter...

Big things are happening here at Pinares. People are deciding whether or not to return for another year. People are getting engaged. And I recently rearranged my bedroom furniture. :)

This morning was good. This afternoon was hard. Such is life.

I'm wondering if a day will come when it doesn't get to me.

Today, I recovered by collapsing onto my bed at 3:15 and staying there (with intermittant light sleeping) until almost 5:00.

Then my workout was harder than usual. My body didn't want to get out of bed, much less off the floor...

Tomorrow is Friday. This too shall pass.

I've been keeping my eye on the job postings on the website of the State Department of Education along with the classifieds on al.com. I'm not so much a fan of not knowing God's next steps in His plan for me. Apparently my Honduran life is more out of the loop than I realized. The economy/job market hasn't improved as much as I thought... There's not much out there. If anyone knows of anything full time or part time, teaching or otherwise, hook a sister up. Of course, I know I'm limiting myself by trying to stick with the Birmingham area, but I really want to be closer to family, back in my church, and possibly even close to UAB for a Master's in Education. I'm starting to lean toward a future working with teachers rather than kids, and that demands more experience and more education. Who knows...

Oh, and if anyone knows of a free or CHEAP place to live in Birmingham next year, also let me know. It would be nice to let my parents try out the whole empty nest thing and to not be an hour north of Birmingham. Seeing as how I'll probably be working the drive thru at Taco Bell or selling Avon, it would be nice to find something extremely affordable in order to pay for grad school and living and to still break even. Is that even possible? Ugh. Debt is not desirable.

I'll be home in 73 days.

And I REALLY enjoy refrigerated Oreos.

With the exception of missing my little sister's 18th birthday and her family dinner at Jim 'N Nick's (my FAVORITE!), today was positively delightful...
Praise the Lord, my day at school was enjoyable and I maintained the joyful, loving, easygoing spirit, that I often long for, all day long.
Then I cooked a roommate dinner without stressing or taking forever, and managed to finish it all at the same time so that everything could be served hot and on schedule! Maybe I will make a decent wife someday (if cooking successfully timing and cooking a hot meal determines the quality of a wife... I'm not sure it does.). Anyway, I'm glad I get time to practice. :)
After that, I embraced a bit of community and joined about 30 of my co-workers in another apartment to eat cake and celebrate a birthday... The atmosphere was nice, and it was great to spend time with everyone all in one place at one time.
Then I cleaned up the kitchen and read aloud to Erika... We're currently working on Beth Moore's newest book called So Long Insecurity. (I may secretly be enjoying our bonding and discussion even more than the actual text. I don't think people make reading a communal activity nearly enough these days...)
And now I'm relaxing in the glow of twinkle lights in my bedroom and reminiscing to the sounds of the Caedmon's Call album 40 Acres (from 1999!)... This cd was very influential for me and my developing faith and relationship with Christ around my 9th grade year, long before Shane and Shane or Hillsong...

I get turned around, and I mistake my happiness for blessing...

I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes...

Semi-quick update...

It's almost midnight, and I'm still awake... That can't last much longer. After all, I only have one more day of being able to sleep until ten (or whenever the crazy bird sounds and sunlight decide to invade my ears and eyeballs). :)

Today was nice. Hannah made homemade cinnamon rolls (a family holiday tradition) and invited me over for breakfast. Then we went to church at Impacto which was weird because it was very much like every other Sunday with the exception of a noticably low attendance. Latin America seems to focus more on remembering the death on Friday rather than the resurrection on Sunday. It just seems twisted. Then we had lunch at TGI Friday's and saw Invictus. (I highly recommend it...) We shopped for groceries and took a taxi back home.

Sidenote: I took a taxi for the first time in my life (I think) when I was in NYC last May. I thought it was so glamorous. After this year, I'll be more than okay if I never take another taxi again. :)

We return to school on Tuesday, so tomorrow is the day to get everything ready for the next ten weeks. We'll be pushing through without any scheduled days off, so I want to be ready... It is my goal to lighten up on my kids a little bit so that I can enjoy them more and to also try to lighten my paperwork load (i.e. grading). So tonight, I typed up a list of every subject and the assignments that I frequently (mostly weekly) have to grade. Then I figured out it's no wonder I get burned out! As a bare minimum, if we don't have any extra tests or assignments at all in science/health or social studies, I grade 242 papers per week... I bet that easily escalates over 300 or 350 most of the time. And when you teach elementary school, grading time just doesn't seem to happen during the day...

But anyway. Maybe it will. And maybe I will get better about being productive during the breaks that I do have...

And maybe I'll figure out how to be a better teacher next time around. :)

Feverish Ramblings...

So, I think I have a fever.

I think that because of my incessant shivering despite the layers I'm wearing and the bedding that covers me.

I hurt.

I feel like my nerve endings have been electrified.

When I feel like this, sometimes I wish I wasn't by myself. It makes me wish I was at home under the care of my amazing madre so she could play with my hair or rub my back or bring me banana popsicles. However, I'm also thinking that the slightest touch to my back right now would make me cringe in pain. I even wish I could just hover in the warmth between the comforter and the mattress.

So sleep is not currently an option.

I tried.

I turned off the lights and the television. I turned on my sound machine. I set my alarm. I took my nightly allergy medicine. (Not in that order, of course...)

But to no avail...

A stream of thoughts kept running through my head. (Sidenote of praise: Something is wrong with my body, but my head feels fairly clear. Not sure what that means, but I'll take it...)

So now, in the inbetween, as I wait for the most recent dose of Tylenol to cool the fever and numb the sensitivity, I will blog...

1) My first, least-substantial thought is that Honduras wreaks a little bit of havoc on my health. In the past few years, I have not gotten sick. In my (almost) eight months here, I'm pretty sure I have been a bit miserable due to sickness on at least three separate occasions. I hope I'm healthier next year.

2) I want to come home. I think sickness gives us all the liberty to sink into a short pity-party, and I'm going to take this chance. I try not to think thoughts or write or speak words like this very often, but I'll blame my lack of wisdom and censorship on the possible fever. (And then I may delete this post or this point in the morning.)
Yes, I like it here. Yes, I want to finish what I've started. Yes, I love most, if not all, of my students. Yes, I think Honduras has some crazy magnetic charm that cannot be explained. And yet it's like I wish I could be in two places at once.
I miss my family. I miss the comforts of American civilization. We truly do live in an incredibly blessed and well-organized country. I miss familiarity. I miss independence. I miss perceived safety. I miss predictablilty and self-sufficiency. I miss my friends and their kids like crazy. I miss my own bed. I miss the availability of options. I miss my church. I miss my support system. (Okay, enough of that because now I'm crying...)

3) Just two and a half more months. In some ways I hope they pass by quickly, and yet I know I can never get them back. In two and a half short months, my year in Honduras will be over. I will no longer have the same opportunities to develop these friendships, invest in these students, step outside of my comfort zone, or rely on my God in quite the same way...

4) Today is Good Friday, and yet I am numb. It just hit me tonight that my faith is feeling routine. It's not absent. I'm not sure it's possible for it to be absent in this environment. However, with teaching at a Christian school, attending (almost) daily devotions, participating in the Radical Experiment with Brook Hills, and (irregularly) attending Impacto Church, my faith feels like something I do.
In some ways, I think that's right. Our relationships with Christ should be all-the-time, everyday type things. He is omnipresent and should therefore invade every facet of our days. It shouldn't just be something we do in a church building on Sundays.
However, it should also be alive and growing and passionate and something felt deeply.
I'm a lot like my dad. We tend to be somewhat logical, reasonable, and even cynical. Sometimes this is a great thing. Sometimes it infuriates me.
Like now.
Like when I want to feel something besides this physical achiness with every fiber of my being.

5) It's hard to be a foreign missionary. I know that is nothing new, but it is hitting me in new ways. It is hard to be removed from worship in your own language. It is hard to pour out and to stay filled.
It is SO important to pray for missionaries all over the world. My situation is easy in comparison to so many. They need to be lifted up to our Heavenly Father. They need His refreshing presence and the encouragement of His comfort. Don't get too busy. Don't forget. Fight for them on your knees, even if you don't know their names or stories.

6) Perhaps this routine and numbness is due to the struggles that I have faced this year. Maybe it's been all I could do to hang on for the ride. I don't want Satan to defeat me like that.

7) Maybe this has some cause-and-effect relationship for my lacking direction for the future. It's possible that God is waiting to show me the next steps because he wants me to plant my feet into these. It's also possible that I'm not listening to His voice as clearly as in the past.
Last year was revolutionary for me. I learned so much about the need for the Gospel in all nations. I began to find that satisfaction is not found in the American Dream or in the accumulation of materials. I felt called for months and actively sought that calling.
I guess that it can't always be like that.
I heard or read somewhere recently that Mother Theresa had a radical encounter with God when He directed her to ministry to the poor in Calcutta. I also heard that she never really felt like she encountered Him in the same way again for the rest of her ministry and her life - and yet she knew He was real and continued to seek Him until the very end. Maybe it's like that. Maybe He doesn't always lead us with pillars of cloud and fire. Maybe the faith comes in following even when you don't see Him.

8) Thoughts from last night's possible fever: How would our lives be different if we really believed that God is always with us? Would we then teach our children a different faith? Would we show them that you don't just have to encounter our Heavenly Father in prayers before meals and before bed? Would we impress upon them that He is with us as we drive down the interstate or play little league at the ballpark or take tests in school or stop for Happy Meals at Mcdonald's? How would that change their faith as children and as adults?

9) Now I feel hot. I think the Tylenol has kicked in. And I feel hungry. But I know my stomach lies.

10) I can't end on an odd number. Goodnight blog world.

Under the Weather

So as it turns out, maybe it's best that I have some time between my beach trip and my return to the crazy fifth graders, and not just for the obvious reasons. It appears that my body has decided to be sick again.
Between yesterday afternoon and last night, I grew increasingly more tired and lethargic accompanied by some stomach trouble.
As of today, I'm weak and achy.
Dehydration? Maybe...
Uncomfortable? Definitely.

So today I missed out on seeing the sawdust carpet designs in the streets of Tegus along with some hangout time, egg-dying, and possibly a cookout. I've also been missing out on prime reading time, although I did muster up enough cognitive energy to enter my grades and comments into the Excel spreadsheets for report cards. I also found a job posting for a part-time third grade teacher for next year in Birmingham. I went ahead and sent my cover letter, resume, and references. I figure there could be worse part-time jobs to hypothetically balance with grad school.

Who knows?

K... I'm off to continue to sip my water and sink into this bed to the beautiful background noise of Gilmore Girls. Adios.

Vacation Pictures

The view from the top of our hotel:

The river we forded, but we crossed where it met the sea... :)

Stones that washed up on the beach. And new pedicures.

Me and Hannah:

Me and Twana:

Pretty:

I liked it:

The view from the restaurant at our hotel:

Semana Santa

I'm home from a wonderful trip to Tela, Honduras on the Caribbean, and I've taken a day to be a bum and try to soak up some alone-time after about six days without any... I've considered writing a long, day-by-day account of our adventure, but I'm a little low on energy and patience for that right now. Instead, I can offer a bullet-point list...

Day One:

• Left at 4:30am on Saturday with Twana, Hannah, and Emily
• Took the Christina bus lines to Tela. It wasn't bad. Basically an old charter bus with open windows instead of air conditioning
• Arrived in Tela around lunch time
• Discovered buses weren't running on Thursday (when we originally planned to return)
• Decided to cut the trip short by one day to make it back to Tegus
• Saw a crowd gathered around a dead man (under a white sheet) on the beach
• Played in the clear, gorgeous water
• Found out Mom was right and that there are real reasons why sitting in the sand to play with the incoming waves isn't as fun as it seems in the moment
• Emily's wallet was stolen while she was reading and not paying attention
• Saw a person dressed in a dinosaur (gecko?) suit riding a bicycle
• Forded the river
• Ate shrimp and marked the obligatory seafood meal off my list
• Saw dogs, horses, and 4-wheelers on the beach
• Slept in a room with air-conditioning

Day Two:

• Woke up to the LOUD sounds of a Palm Sunday parade. Thought it was neighbors watching television at an annoying volume
• Most crowded day on the beach
• Was hit on by a young guy selling sunglasses who told us he is the perfect man
• While laying out, were asked by a dirty middle-aged man if he could take our picture. After telling him no, were disgusted and outraged when he did it anyway
• Bought a pink float
• Felt a little seasick while using the float in the waves
• Found a cute Honduran family to give the float to and thoroughly enjoyed the mom's excited squeal when I offered it to them
• Read, listened to my ipod, and slept in a hammock on a gorgeous porch overlooking the beach
• Ate really good pizza for a great price in a place that, based on the wall art, may have been a daycare at some point
• Sat with amazing girls on the top deck of my hotel enjoying the moonlight and gorgeous weather

Day Three:

• Woke up and found a LARGE ship anchored out in the water. Tried to figure out if it was a people-ship or a cargo-ship
• Saw LARGE iguanas in the trees around us during breakfast
• It was a GORGEOUS day and the beach was much calmer and more enjoyable
• We dug chair-like spots in the sand for perfect reading-spots and called them thrones
• Despite SPF 50, got a bit burned
• Had a bad lunch with bad service
• Ate at a hole-in-the-wall called The Bungalow owned and operated by a man from New Orleans
• Played a dice game called Farkle at the restaurant while attempting to wait out a tremendous rain storm
• Took a taxi just around the corner because the rain wouldn't let up

Day Four:

• Woke up to an overcast, rainy day (probably best for our skin...)
• The ship was gone
• Had to cancel our reservations for a day trip to Punta Sal for snorkeling, hiking, and exploring
• Watched a movie
• Read
• Got pedicures
• Ate baleadas at Tia Carmen's - a rough-looking old house without a foundation
• Favorite quotes from that dinner, "I feel like I'm eating in someone's house..." "I think you are."

Day Five:

• Walked on the beach to explore and collect some gorgeous stones (not shells - stones. Welcome to Honduras.)
• Had pizza again
• Took a much nicer bus back to Tegus
• My maturity almost ran out in the last hour of that long journey as the exhaustion set in

First Day at Home (Today):

• Crashed and burned and felt a little reclusive
• Thankful to have this apartment all to myself
• Glad to be home

Current Thoughts:

• I'm glad we have down-time between our vacation and our return to school
• I may try to go into the city tomorrow to see the sawdust carpets that are traditionally done for the Easter celebrations in Latin America
• The beach was beautiful, but the town was still Honduras. It was a little sketch.
• It's not like I'm into bungee-jumping or anything, but sometimes I can't believe the risks that my friends and I take. I'm glad the Lord is sovereign over our physical safety and our health.
• Feeling like something's missing - but not really sure what...
• Need to work on report cards
• Thinking about buying a desktop computer when I come home. Feeling old because of these thoughts
• Missing my family, but not really in the mood to talk.
• Not that talking is really an option. Something's wrong with Skype and/or my computer.
• Planning to upload some of Twana's pictures and call it a day.